& the stress builds....

the stimulus $ did NOT come through for the state police, (although it seems like every local agency in MI got something), so now we're REALLY stressed about the potential for lay offs, as any additional cuts will likely reach N. he's super stressed & showing it, & i'm all freaked out but feel like i can't let on bc some one has to keep it together, right? plus, i refuse to explose the boys to 2 grouchy, pissed off parents. i feel like bc N is grouchy & angry i don't get the luxury of expressing any fear or stress. so instead i'm expressing my stress by making plans to rearrange our house. in the next couple weeks i have big plans to do a top-to-bottom purge of all unneccessary crap, finally organize the junk we have stashed all over, & rearrange some rooms. i've already enslisted my mom for babysitting & told N that his next long weekend is booked. i'm actually looking forward to it. it's some kind of compulsion, i think. i'm not ususally anywhere close to a neat freak, but whenever my life gets hectic & circumstances are beyond my control, it suddenly becomes very important to me to organize my home.

& now my napping babies are no longer napping...
:)

who are you?

just curious who's reading in plymouth & brighton? drop me a comment please, lurkers! :)

Our First Food!

Val, not sure what he thinks of this whole "eating without a bottle" thing.

Conrad, loving his cereal.

Wants to feed himself, apparently!

Daddy trying to convince Val this is fun :)
N thought this would be so messy that we needed giant bath towels around the boys. It was pretty hilarious, & we all ended up wearing the cereal anyways :)

Weekend Updates

We're back from our trip to the in-laws' farm, & we survived! Actually, it didn't go too bad-- the highs were higher than expected, & the lows were about what they always are. We got up there Friday night, & the boys slept almost the whole way; we had to stop & feed them once. We went to the local "Gerber Days" festival (Gerber is based in Fremont, MI for those of you who were unaware) & it was actually pretty nice-- it's a local fair/craft show with a focus on babies, & we got TONS of free Gerber stuff for the boys. & Grandma bought the boys their first little wooden tractor & a couple dishcloth bibs. Sunday they had a bunch of extended family over to meet the boys. one of N's cousins has a 6yr old set of twin boys, so it was a very twin oriented day. the grandparents were thrilled to see the guys, who they hadn't seen since the day after they were born. N's dad was especially cute with them, since he's such a crusty old dude; it was funny to see him baby talking & making plans to take the guys hunting & stuff (especially since they can barely hold their heads up at the moment!)
All in all, it was a decent weekend. The boys held up pretty well with all the strangers & lack of naps (despite my best efforts) & only had a few meltdowns. N's folks were not terribly helpful with the guys. They just aren't really baby people, (especially grandma!!) & never fed a bottle, changed a diaper, or held a baby unless they had to, but that's about what I expected. Grandpa did enjoy talking to them & playing with them if some one else was holding, so he actually did better than grandma.
N's estranged younger sister called while we were there, which upped the tension level on Sunday night, but N's dad & the babies helped keep the peace on that one, so it wasn't too bad. & his mom was MUCH nicer to me than usual-- behold the power of grandbabies! oh well, it was expected, & such is life, right?

In unrelated baby news: the boys had their 4 mo. appt on Friday, & they are developing great! Con is 24 & 1/2 inches & 13lbs 13oz, & Val is 23 & 3/4 inches & 14lbs 13oz. The doc's first comment when he saw them was "wow, they're big!" We're giving Conrad a trial without his prevacid to see how he does, & we're starting rice cereal with both guys. We tried it for the first time last night, & both guys did well, although they were definitely confused by the spoon. Con man cracked me up bc he kept grabbing it out of my hand & shoving it in his mouth by himself :) so cute! I'll pry post some "first cereal" pics a bit later...

the in-laws

We're going to visit my in-laws this weekend with the guys. We're leaving (in theory) after their doc appt friday afternoon, driving the 3 hrs up to the middle of nowhere, MI & staying til monday morning. yay. my in-laws haven't seen the kids since the day after they were born, & can't even open pics on their ancient computer, so it should be a bit of a shock to them. i'm hoping it goes well, visits with them are always a bit of an crap shoot for n & me. sometimes they go great, & other times i leave in tears & n leaves cursing. (example: when we announced our 2nd pregnancy, his mom accused me of trying to "trap" n. in front of me. we had been married 3 mos at the time, & n said nothing, while i tried my hardest not to explode. things have improved a bit since then, but you still never know what you're going to get on any given day.)

they weren't the most enamored or doting parents, so i'm a bit nervous about them as grandparents (& i am a little protective of my dudes... i like things done MY way, you know? i know, it's a control thing. whatever.) anyways, they seem to be into the grandparent thing, so i'm hoping this trip involves less beer & less b****ing about absent family members than we usually have to deal with. it sounds bad, but i'm hoping the boys are a good distraction. usually an hour into our visits n has reverted to his child-hood role, & starts stalking around the kitchen talking very loudly & getting into bizarre pseudo-arguments with his dad, while i smile & nod & listen to his mom rail on everyone. the person n is when his family is around is NOT the person he is in everyday life. it drives me nuts, & he doesn't even realize he does it.

have i mentioned they live on a farm? in the middle of nowhere? the nearest "town" to them just got a stoplight in the last 5 years. n's graduating class had 50 people in it. there is NOTHING to do there. & n tends to just randomly leave the house & go tramp around the fields. great for him to blow off steam, but it leaves me stuck in the house (even more so now that we have the dudes). & this will be our first visit since his little sister took off with a man her folks disapprove of. drama, here we come! sigh... i'm praying for peaceful, pleasant visit. don't get me wrong, they can be very nice, they are just VERY different from N & me.

Staying Home

Being a SAHM is not something i ever thought i'd want to do. in my past life, i was a super driven, crazy ambitious type-A personality, (ok, so i'm still a type-A), & i always thought it would be incredibly boring to stay home with little ones. granted, sometimes i do go a little stir-crazy & crave some adult company, but for the most part i LOVE being home with my guys. it's so funny to me to look back on where i thought i'd be in my life right now. this is so different from what i had planned. i was supposed to be at a big chicago firm, working like crazy, making loads of $, & single, of course. instead, i'm married with 2 kids, making things work on a single income & living in the same town where i grew up. i could not be happier.
i love that i'm the one who gets to see my boys' first sleepy smiles after their naps, that every day i get playtime with my guys & as many cuddles as i can squeeze in. i love that i've never missed a "first", & it may sound a bit selfish, but i love being the center of their world. i know that the older they get, the less they'll be my babies & the more they'll be daddy's boys, so i jealously guard my baby days-- i know they're numbered.
yes, we'd have more $ if i worked, & i do plan to go back to work when the kids are older, but for now, i'm content with "mom" being my only job.

daytime drama

i put conrad in his swing for quiet time, he fussed, fell asleep & then woke up within a half hour. he's still in the swing, quietly staring at a striped blanket i hung nearby for him to look at. will he go back to sleep? will mom ever get anything done? will the swing's batery die before the baby naps? stay tuned for the answers to these and other exciting questions in the continuing saga of "the boy who wouldn't nap".

Mountains of Laundry

there's so much I'm a little frightened....

update on laundry: it is still sitting here, being scary. i finally got conrad to nap, but unfortunately he will only sleep with me holding him, so i have given up on laundry for now. i'm a push over.

the real update....

so here's what we've been up to during my brief hiatus from the blogging world:



one of my best buds from law school & her fiance came to visit. she lives in chicago, he lives in madrid (yes, spain-- lucky girl is moving there after their wedding this fall.) we had a wonderful time-- her fiance is a cop too, so he & N get along famously. it was great to see someone from my old life who i actually really adore. i felt like kate again, instead of just the boys' mom. (yes, mom is my most important role, but it was nice to see that the old kate who used to be out every night & could drink her weight in vodka can co-exist with "kate the mom". true, the drinking is now an occasional luxury, but at least i know the fun kate is still lurking somewhere behind the cases of diapers in our living room.



the boys aunt M single-handedly rescued our 4th of july. we had zero plans (we didn't even have anything to grill) & M came thru with a ready made bbq with her fam (who we love). we even caught some fireworks on the way home, & the boys were champs-- good as gold, with only minimal fussing until we got back home.



we've been working on resumes. (mentioned this below, so i won't dwell on it here.)

val is fussing... to be continued later....

ok, val is fed & (wonder of wonders) conrad is napping! so on with the updates...
we went to my 10th high school reunion since i posted last. i actually ended up having a really good time (although it may have been bc i had my first drink in over a year. yum, beer!) a girl i lost contact with almost immediately after graduation found me & started chatting about her recent infertility problems, (assuming that we'd had help having our twins) & we now have plans to get together again next week. funny how shared misery draws people together, isn't it?

anyways, i dont know why i was worried about going... somehow i can never shake my lingering insecurities (no one will remember me, no one will talk to me, etc). i've always been kind of amazed when it turns out people actually like me. i know that sounds stupid, but its true. i think its the legacy of being a child of an alcoholic parent (although thats a story for another post), but no matter how old i get, i worry that people won't like me. in college, i was shocked to find myself invited to parties, in law school (when i felt confident enough to throw my own parties) i always had to be persuaded at the last minute to get kegs, since i always convinced myself no one would show up (people always did, & my roommates were always right-- we needed the extra kegs), & even at my wedding & showers, i worried that no one would rsvp. i'm almost 30 years old, & i'm still scared of not having friends. it makes me wonder if my perception of myself through time is accurate at all. oh well, now i'm getting all philosophical...

some cousins are coming to visit the dudes tonight, & my house is a mess & conrad is up & fussing, so i'm going to attempt to get things done.

nap time & updates

my kids dont nap well.... at least, conrad doesn't nap well. if i can get val to sleep, he naps like a champ, but the con man? no way. it's like he thinks he'll miss something-- he just won't sleep for long periods during the day. it's rare i can get the guy to nap for more than an hour, maybe twice a day. he's only 3 mos.... it seems like he should be napping more, right? although they do get about 12 hours (broken up) during the night. they both seem totally fine, so maybe he's just not a kid who needs alot of sleep. still, a long nap once during the day would be nice... i could get something done for once. oh well... sigh....

i've been MIA from the computer for a few days. all is fine here, i'll update more later, since the dudes are getting restless. it seems like we've been super busy, although really we haven't gotten much done. N has been working on resumes, etc. i must say, i write a d***n fine resume. 3 years of a top notch legal education, & what do i take away from it? how to write a resume. you'd think i could have learned that without spending the $$ on law school, but whatever. at least i took away a real life skill. now let's hope it helps us find a job!!

it's (sort of) official...

looks like N will be getting laid off in october. i'm not going to say much about his future job plans yet, but we're hopeful we have some options. we'll see....
& we decided this is not the time for me to go back to school. which is really the least of our worries at the moment. sigh... we could use a break. but so could a ton of other families....

all of my family is up north right now (my folks & all my aunts have houses up north in MI in the same neighborhood) so everyone is celebrating the holiday. N is working all week tho, & i decided i wasn't up to a long drive & attempting to "vacation" by myself with the dudes quite yet. especially since they're too little for the beach, & still not sleeping through the night. my folks are really bummed we aren't up there & keep calling to say "come up, come up" but no matter how many times i try to explain the amount of work involved in traveling with multiples who puke all the time & don't yet sleep through the night, they don't quite seem to grasp it how stressful & non-vacation-y a solo trip with the dudes would be. ah well. next year hopefully they'll be sleeping better & puking less & i keep thinking (& please don't tell me if i'm wrong!) that it will be easier to travel with 1 yr old than it is with infants.