richocheting around

i feel like i've been stuck in a pinball machine for the last week. i go from kid to kid to kid, feeding people, diapering butts, cooking for sundry guests & family, all while maintaining all the other day to day things that have to be done to keep the house & family functional. short of hosting N's dad & my folks for our fake thanksgiving, i have been flying solo for a week bc of N picking up some overtime & hunting with his dad. neither of which i begrudge him, but i'm starting to feel a bit stretched.

it is in some ways flattering that N believes i can single-handedly manage all things domestic without so much as a chipped nail (bwahahahahaha... chipped nail! insert picture of stubby blunt nails here.) but i could use an "attagirl" once in a while, or failing that, a mini-vacation. therefore, i am going to demand a break of some sort this week. i need it. i can feel the annoyance creeping in, the stress level rising, little pricks of anxiety that have nothing to do with what's happening at any given moment.
my temper is getting progressively shorter & shorter, & before i start taking it out on my babies, i need to get out. not on an errand. not to do grocery shopping. not to do christmas shopping. i need to do something totally selfish. maybe i'll take myself out to lunch, or to a movie. (pre-children, i used to wonder who on earth could enjoy going to movies or out to eat all alone...it's now one of my favorite things.)

i just need to quit bouncing around these walls for an hour or two, or the pinball machine is going to shut down.

in-law ramblings on a saturday morning

it's before 9, the kids are sleeping still (sort of... the boys are talking to each other, but they like to play for a while before i get them up for the day. there's probably a brisk trade in stuffed animals going on up there, since i hear alot of back & forth chatter. a bunny for your elephant? sure!)
i am sipping coffee & getting ready to tackle a turkey, since we're having our thanksgiving today. N's dad unexpectedly decided to join us this weekend to hunt, so we'll have all the grandparents with us today. the reasons for his trip are a bit muddled & confusing, but whatever. we're rolling with it & it's nice to see him without the drama that always accompanies a trip to the farm.

in odd & uniportant in-law related weirdness: i made up the spare bed in emma's room for him (all this involved was changing the sheets & replacing a blanket that had been cat-i-fied), & since em still sleeps with us, there was no room shuffling involved, it was very much not a big deal to have him stay there. nonetheless, last night we find N's dad has chosen our couch & battle with the cats all night long instead of a comfy bed, in order to avoid "putting me out". the man also complained about the "trouble" i was going to for our fake thanksgiving. (which is not trouble i'm going to on his behalf. dinner was planned long before he said he was coming.)
i love the guy, & i know he's just a grumpy old bugger, but i finally told him last night to just shut up & enjoy it.
i mean really... it's MORE trouble to have him snoring on our couch after i've already gotten the bed ready, & complaining about the dinner that's already in the works than it is for me to actually make the bed & cook the dinner. a little gratitude is alot nicer when some one has put effort in on your behalf than refusing to make use of any of the nice things that have been done for you.

(heaves sigh, rolls eyes, sets smile back in place....)

after 5 years with N's family, i'm starting to get used to the weirdness, & i know it's useless to play miss manners with FIL. so i am going to soldier on with our original plans & he chooses to be a grouch about it, it's his loss. now let there be turkey, dammit!!

almost there

121 lbs! woo-hoo!!!

this whole, too-busy-chasing-kids-to-eat-anthing-that-won't-fit-in-my-hand/breastfeeding diet really works! :)

...

we're going thru a random bout of not sleeping up here in MI. starting about 3am every morning, em gets up, then the boys, & they alternate until around 6, when everyone (except me) finally goes back to sleep for a couple hours.
like most things, i know this too will pass, but in the meantime... the prolonged stretch of 3am mornings is wearing thin.
i am tired. so, so tired. if i am being lame & not commenting somewhere, please accept my apologies & blame the lack of sleep.

a little act of kindness

there are times when i feel like i've spent my entire day herding cats & wrestling rabid monkeys.

i was having one of those days this morning, but we were in dire need of cat food, so out we went to meijer's. boys in stroller, me wearing em & praying for a quick trip. i hadn't washed my face or brushed my teeth, conrad had blue streaks all over his face from an experiment with markers (he refused to let me wash it & in the interest of getting to the store before noon, i decided it was not a battle worth fighting), val had fallen in love with the container of coffee i picked up & insisted on carrying it all over the store, & emma, while perfectly happy to be worn by mom, kept digging her toes into the waistband of my too-big jeans so that i had perpetual plumber-butt while hunting for the elusive cat food. during all of this, i was singing the sesame street song over & over in order to head off high pitched screams of "bih-birrrrrr!!!!" (big bird) from the boys. needless to say, i was NOT feeling like a put-together-mother-of-the-year type.

as we were waiting in the check out line, however, one sweet old lady came up to me, touched my arm & said "i've been watching you from that bench over there, & just wanted to compliment you on your children. they are so well-behaved & perfectly adorable." after an hour of singing "sunny days, sweeping the clouds away...." to a smurf-faced conrad, while hitching up my pants & trying to persuade a tearful val to part with his coffee, i was too shocked to come up with anything to say in response, so she patted me on the arm, said "you're doing a good job dear" & walked off to her bench.

it was a small thing, but it made me feel like a million bucks & i was grateful.

miscellania

either i have gotten super lame & boring, or this has turned into more of a journal of the mundane than a true blog.
odd that when i'm pg, i can be all introspective & thoughtful, & now that i have the kiddos here with me kicking around in this world, most of my brain is taken up with things like "what can i tempt the boys with at lunch?", "can i stop the gruesome twosome from launching trucks at their sister?", "why does conrad prefer to run in snow boots?" "will emma ever squeal in an octave lower than one with ear-drum piercing power?"
all these questions are interesting to me, but likely not so much to the casual observer.



a random personal note, (& on an entirely different topic), i have started hand sewing some really simple quilts. i'm totally useless with a sewing machine, but my grandma taught me to hand sew many years ago & i find that i really enjoy it now. it's peaceful & just the right mix of challenging & mindless. good times.


another random note- the father in law & his best friend are coming down tomorrow to hunt with N. they always refuse to stay with us in favor of a hotel, but the kids & i should at least see them for dinner once or twice. we have such an odd relationship with N's folks, i can't even begin to do it justice. i'm just hoping N enjoys the visit.

queen of poop

the boys never blew out their dipes like this girl. actually she's not so much blowing out dipes as she is just not wearing them, bc the poor kid gets such bad diaper rash, but still.... this is pooping of epic proportions!

social skills

we had a friend of N's down earlier this week, & he is a divorced dad to 2 boys (11 & 3) & was advocating daycare in a big way. i am seriously anti-daycare. i HATED it as a child, & i've worked in some really nice daycares but i just don't believe there's a lot of benefit in kids having tons "social time" before a certain age. plus, no matter how nice the daycare, they still don't get the same level of attention that they do at home.
kids just don't care enough about "friends" at this age, & i think they benefit more from the one-on-one time they get at home. we have plans to send them all to pre-school a couple mornings a week when they're all older (probably around 4, or when they start showing interest in "school") but for now, i just don't see the point in daycare.
i take them all out most days, to the playground, to storytime at the library, on shopping trips, so they aren't shut-ins. they get social time with our neighbor boy (who's a year older) & group play experiences at storytime, & we see all kinds of kids at the park. i think that's plenty for toddlers. over the next year or so, we'll pry add in some "toddler classes" for the guys & do gymnastics or a music class, or something, but only as they seem ready.
so when IS the right time for preschool? my theory is that kids will let you know when they're ready for whatever is the next big thing, & i see no need to rush them. what's your theory?

*blink* *blink*

i have the sleepy in a BIG way today. & yesterday. & yesterday morning i spent puking. i am exhausted.
when i shared this with my husband & my parents, everyone's immediate response was "oh my god you're pregnant. again." (i am NOT, & if you were thinking that, please smack yourself in the back of the head for me. thanks.)
i am very tired tho, & caffiene is out of the question. the kids all stagger their naps too, so there is never a time when some one is not awake.

sigh. sleeeeeep..... where are you?

daddies

almost 2 years after having our first kids, N is finally relaxing into daddy-hood. he sings to the kids without prodding, he'll read "the hungry caterpillar
800 times in a row, build endless block towers, & dance with his daughter around the living room. he kisses bonked heads & makes peanut butter sandwiches. he's learning patience with toddlers & loves finding the pinkest girliest things possible to dress emma in.
it's a place i was't sure we'd reach, to be honest. he's always loved the kids, but hasn't always known how to relax & enjoy being a dad. he didn't get the greatness of dr. suess, or understand why i didn't allow tv.
i forget sometimes how much his own childhood sucked. i was singing itsy-bitsy spider to the guys the other day & he was trying to sing along, but didn't know the words, & i was teasing him, asking what kind of crap childhood he had, "didn't your mama ever sing to you?!", laughing. he just looked at me, & said- no, she didn't. i could have kicked myself. he has no memories of his real mom, she died when he was 4. & his step mom.... well, we'll just say she wasn't the singing type. i felt like the meanest wife ever. i hate when i do things like that, bc what do you say then? gee, sorry i'm such a callous, heartless moron.

regardless of my occasional idiocy, i do hope the man knows how proud i am to see the kind of father he's becoming. i don't think daddy-hood comes as naturally as being a mom, especially when you've grown up mostly on your own. i know that he had to create a parenting style for himself out of nothing, & while for a while i despaired that it might be a style i couldn't live with, i am grateful that he's come so far & become the dad that he is.

almost there...

not that anyone but me cares, but i am down to 123 lbs!!! :) 3 more to go & i've hit my goal.