i keep having "girl" dreams....

twice now (the only times i've dreamt of this baby) it has been a girl. ok, so once it was a girl who turned into a ladybug, but a ladybug is still a "lady" right? hmmmm......

i have mixed feelings about whether a girl or boy would be "better". (yeah, i know the matter is already decided & i don't get a say, but that doesn't stop one from thinking does it?) in some ways, i'd love a girl. just bc it would be cool to have the experience of raising both, & bc i'd love to see N with a little girl, & i think it would be fun to have a daughter (other than the teenage years. but i doubt that's fun for either sex.) but i also love the sound of "my boys". & they'll be so close in age, maybe it would be better if they were all dudes. or maybe being close in age would help a girl feel less the odd man (or girl) out. & there really is something about a mom & sons that i just can't explain fully... i don't know that i'd adore a daughter in the same way i adore my little boys. not that i'd love a daughter any less, but i know the tricks of the trade, so to speak, being a girl myself. moms with boys, do you know what i'm saying here? plus, we already have all the boy clothes, lol!

eh, who am i kidding-- i'll be excited no matter what we're having. but it is fun to ponder the possibilities...

Mixed News

i don't really feel like dwelling on this, but i feel like it warrants a post, so here goes:

we had an appt with our MFM doc yesterday & while baby is just fine, he had some less than stellar news for me. apparently the risk of having another preterm baby is way higher than i thought. i was under the illusion that it was the fact i had twins that was the problem last time, but apparently it's just me. with all the surgeries i had on my cervix (years & years ago, i was maybe 21 at the time) & the fact that they can't attribute the premature rupture with the dudes to the pre-e (i wasn't truly full-blown pre-eclamptic "she could have a stroke at any minute" until AFTER delivery. apparently that's really unusual, & pretty much means that my water breaking early likely had nothing to do with my rising blood pressure.) so the surgeries, the preterm labor at 26 weeks, the shrinking cervix & the premature rupture at 33 weeks all means that it's really unlikely we'll make our due date with this one. i really hate when docs give you news like that. i know its their job & all, & just don't like hearing it. i am to think of my due date as a"goal", which is the language they started using when it became clear we wouldn't make it to term with the guys. sigh.... so i'm on prometrium for the duration of the pg in an effort to prevent early contrax & will have weekly u/s starting at 16 weeks to check on my cervix. yay.

don't get me wrong, i'm glad they're taking so many precautions, i just refuse to assume that it is a foregone conclusion that we can't make it to term. i am going to asume everything is fine & that we WILL make 37 weeks. sure, there are lots of reasons we MAY not get there, but not a single reason we CAN'T get there. so we'll just keep our fingers crossed & hope for the best.

i have to say tho, had this been a planned baby, we would have consulted with our docs prior to trying & i think after recieving this news, we might not have tried. i'm thrilled we're having #3, & am going to proceed as tho everything will be fine (bc it WILL), but we know what could have happened with the boys & we know how lucky we were to get to 33 weeks. i just have to assume this kid is here for a reason, so onward we go!

in happy news, i have lots of thanksgiving prep to do today. woohoo! i'm super excited about this cheese ball i'm making... i love cheese! :)

orka-ville, here i come!

from my loving husband this morning: "wow, you're really looking pregnant!" which is a true statement, so i don't mind. it's better than being in the no-man's land of "is she pg, or is she fat?"

what IS kind of depressing is that i think i'm as big with this singleton as i was with the dudes at the same point. (eventually i'll post comparison pics, i promise!) i know i was huge with the boys bc there were 2, & i know you're usually bigger with a subsequent pg, but i somehow had convinced myself that i wouldn't be so big this time since i only have one baking. alas, that seems not to be the case.

Sleepy Saturday Musings

the boys are both fighting the naps right now, but quietly, so i know they'll give in sooner or later. :) conrad is becoming a thumbsucker, & is going to town on his thumb, which is very cute. doesn't like a paci, but that thumb--ooo boy!

i am very tired (surprise, surprise) & hunting for thanksgiving recipes for N. poor guy, my family usually does traditional armenian food for holidays, & bc he works every holiday we usually celebrate holidays here (with my fam). so he misses out on the american staples like candied yams, etc. so this thanksgiving, since its at our house, i'm making him his candied yams with marshmallows (sounds yucky to me, but he loves it!) & cranberry sauce. & we're doing a real turkey, not just a breast with some other less-traditional protein like usual. i figure its time we start some of our own traditions, so we're mixing the armenian & american this year, & luckily my folks are all excited about it, mostly bc my dad loves to cook & my mom just loves a party, but its working out without offending anyone & N will get some of his holdiay treats.

i had a diet coke today, which i now feel all guilty for, since i wouldn't let caffiene cross my lips when i was pg with the guys. i'm just SO tired, i really needed the caffiene. & i even poured half of it down the drain, i just had to kill the tired headache i had going or i wasn't sure i'd make it thru the day.

monday & tuesday we have appts to check on the new peanut. mon with my OB, & tues is a consult with our mfm (high risk doc) & the NT scan, 1st tri tests etc. & if all is well, i think we'll be breaking the news. i'm showing enough that my family will guess on sight, & since the holidays are coming, i can't really hide from everyone (nor do i want to!) i'll post when the news is officially out, but for now it's still all secret squirrel.

& i will be going to see new moon tomorrow with a bud. doesn't matter that i'm not into pattinson & cast, etc. something about that series is just addictive & i have to see it. we can all use a little cheap escapism in our lives, right?

val has given in to the nap, & con man is doing some serious wiggles, which usually means he'll be out shortly. it's like he has to squeeze out every last ounce of energy before he can crash... funny little boy. :)

he does love me!

N showed up, unannounced & unasked, at 430 yesterday. the man took 2 hours off work for no reason other than he thought i sounded like i needed help.

& i did. i love that man.

Not in the mood for well-meaning advice.

the boys have been up off & on since 1am. conrad has been up for good since around 430, although i finally got val back to sleep around 6. sigh.... in good news, the con man is in a fabuous mood. mom, however, is not. mostly bc i am somewhat unfairly blaming N for my lack of sleep. he has been gone hunting (leaves at 4am home at 8pm) since saturday & is now back at work (gone 5am to 7pm) until sunday, when he made plans that require me to spend yet another day home alone with the guys WITHOUT ASKING ME. granted, he is just driving a processed deer up to his dad's buddy, it's not like he's having tons of fun, but it would have been nice to be consulted. & he acted all hurt when i scoffed at the idea of taking the boys & driving up there with him, as though sitting in a car for 4 hours with fussy babies, while pregnant & carsick would be some kind of treat. seriously, i wonder sometimes where his brain is. so my dad is riding with him (i guess N really wanted company) & i will be home with the babies. like always.
so much for our little talk about mom needing a day out once in a while.

(before anyone starts bashing my husband or talking about how much better i'll feel with sleep, just stop. all i really have to do is tell N i need some time to myself & we'll find a way to make it happen next week sometime. & babies will have a bad night once in a while-- it happens. but this is my blog & i'm allowed to complain about how tired i am & how annoying men can be. & i am prefectly aware of how b*tchy i sound. again, my blog-- i'm allowed.)

Adventures in Doggieland

So yesterday on the way to meijers i saw a stray dog, running down the road. i'm a sucker when it comes to critters, but it looks like a well-kept dog, so i tell myself it's a lose pet, & i'll stop on the way back if it's still there. on the way home, dog is still there, by now running down the road & acting scared. so i stop, & as soon as the dog sees my car stop, she runs over & jumps into the open door like she's never been happier to see a friendly human.

dog turns out to be a very sweet, beautiful (slightly pudgy) black lab with no collar. I take her home (after a stop to grab a leash & collar, since i can't have a strange loose dog in the house with babies & cats & birds), & she makes herself right at home, helps herself to some cat food & makes friends with digger the kitty. by now the boys are up from their naps & totally entranced with the doggie. (they LOVE animals. the kitties are their favorite toys & conrad loves to watch the birds). i start calling around to see if anyone has reported a lost dog & looking for a no-kill shelter that will take her. the process takes several hours, & during that time, we discover that the dog (now being called "rosie") is perfectly trained & wonderful with both babies & cats.

i see myself & my mom sinking fast, & i know that we just can't add another animal to the mix right now. (& here comes the part where i jusitfy why i couldn't keep her.) we have zero yard, & no fence, & with 2 babies & a 3rd on the way, i barely have time to give the critters we have now the attention they need, let alone a dog who needs walks & run time. we firmly believe that when you adopt a critter, it is for life & with full knowledge of the needs, & i just can't meet the needs of a busy young lab, no matter how perfect she is. sigh.... i still feel sad about it.

anyways, on my 3rd call to the humane society, they tell me a man has just come in & reported a lost lab, but can find none of his info. the nice lady ("nancy") asks why i don't just bring her in to the shelter, & i say she's too nice a dog to be put down in 2 weeks when no one adopts her. at this point, nancy says "oh!" like she's had a revelation, & tells me that bc they are a private shelter, they don't euthanize any animal unlesss the animal is dangerous or terminally ill & in discomfort. healthy, friendly critters are kept & fostered until they find a home. i honestly could have kissed her at that point. i really felt responsible for rosie the dog & was beyond thrilled to find a good place for her. so rosie & i went & checked out the shelter, which was awesome, as far as shelters go. the doggie rooms had sofas, & toys & outdoor runs, it was like a very nice doggie condo. plus, they publish "found dog" reports on line & in the paper, so if some one is looking for her, she has a good chance to be found, & if not, she has a great chance of finding a good forever home.

& to further assuage my guilt, i made a donation to the humane society before i left. so in a few days, i'll call & see if she's been "found" & make sure she's going up for adoption. i know i kind of drive N nuts when i do stuff like this, but he knew that i stop for strays when he married me! :)