3

days til 3!!

i hope, anyways...

biggotry & fear

a preface: i believe with 100% of my being that gay people are just people. period. it matters to me about as much as someone's hair color, which is to say not at all. i believe they should have every right that a heterosexual person has, including the right to marriage & all the ensuing legal rights & responsibilities. if you feel otherwise, this is not a post for you.


some one very close to me came out recently & accidentally. this person ("B") was "discovered" due to some private correspondence that was left out, although i've *known* for years, without being told, as have many people close to B. B's parents took the news hard, mom bc she was heartbroken B couldn't share their whole self with her, & dad bc he's a very conservative man who struggles with change. the good in the situation is that now B can be exactly who they are without need to hide or pretend, & that B's parents, who i know well & who love their kids unconditionally, will become vehement gay-rights supporters & the best champions B could hope for. the sad in the situation is that B had to struggle & hide in the first place. it came out that B had contemplated suicicide & gone so far as to plan the place & time. hearing that tore at my heart. B is an amazingly talented, smart, engaging, funny person with so much to offer the world, & to think that we live in a world that would make that kind of person feel so badly about themselves that they wanted to die makes me sad & scared for my own children.

i've never understood why for so many people "different" automatically equals "wrong", & i understand even less why those people have to attack individuals who don't fit their notions of normal. bc among the people with whom i choose to surround myself things like race & gender & sexual orientation are non-issues, it becomes easy to forget the biggotry & prejudice that still run rampant in this country. hearing B's story was a close-to-home reminder of how brutal life still is for so many. i hope & pray that i will be able to impart to my own kids a strong enough sense of self & feeling of security that they will be able to live their lives openly as their whole selves, & that they learn compassion & a true sense of what is right & fair.

the world can be a cruel and scary place, especially if you aren't able to find the pockets of compassion & kindness.

still baking

yup, 3 is just where we left the kid, despite torturing mom all night.

& i stand by my last post, even with the ridiculous lack of sleep & discomfort level. i mean, really-- what's the point of coming now? 3 might as well just hang out til the 1st!

6 days left!

tra la la!!

am now beginning to hope baby stays put until the 1st. i mean really, what's the point of coming early now? it's only a few more days to be miserable, & it would actually be kind of nice to have a planned, non-rushed, non-emergency birth. if all goes as planned, 1 week from today, i will be only an hour away from seeing 3 for the first time!

updates on the rest of life

GERD: it's back. not that it ever really left. but conrad is puking again, pretty regularly. his usual M.O. after a medicine switch is to be fine for a while, then progressively get worse & worse. i'm afraid we're on the downward slope again & i am very scared for him. i know if we can't get this under control it's striaght back to the surgeon & this is NOT a surgery that he could bounce back from quickly. i'm going to track everything that passes his lips & see if we can i.d. some triggers (no luck so far) & have cut out all fat from his evening meal & snack. i don't want to omit the high fat diet entirely, since if he starts losing weight again, or even not gaining, we're still headed back to the surgeon. healthy baby vibes are much needed & appreciated, if anyone has some to spare!

walking: conrad FINALLY took his first unassisted steps yesterday. i knew that when he started, it would be when he was certain he could do it all on his own & sure enough-- that's what happened. he'll only take a few at a time, bc he refuses to allow himself to fall, so he gracefully sinks to his knees when he knows he's losing it (unlike val, who just falls on his face & keeps on trucking). but he's walking & we're all so thrilled, especially his brother, who follows him around clapping-- it's super cute & conrad loves it. :)

3: is a stubborn child. i have been having steady & seriously uncomfortable contractions for several days now, but it's not "real" labor (altho it really feels like the early labor i had with the dudes) so other than being really annoying there's nothing new on that front. c-sec is still scheduled for the 1st (next tuesday) & i'm sure this little booger will just stay camped out until the 11th hour. whatever. baby will come when baby will come & in the meantime i'm just trying to stay busy & occupied so i don't dwell on how freaking uncomfortable i am. which is much easier to do when i'm not puking (thanks zo.fran!)

minivans: we're going hunting today. hopefully we'll find something decent & can bring it home. it's not crucial to have before 3 gets here, but it would be much easier to get done while dealing with only 2 kids instead of 3.

apologies: for the dull updates, but sometimes that's life!

touch a truck! & other updates

this morning my mom & i took the guys to "touch a truck" (a free local kiddie event where they bring out a bunch of cool trucks, police cars, school buses, ambulances, etc for kids to climb all over). & they LOVED it. there's just something about boys & machines...



here we are checking out a police car. it wasn't quite as cool as daddy's, but they still enjoyed it & the nice officer (who knew N) let val play with the radio, which is his favorite on N's uniform, so he was totally tickled & refused to give it up until they got him his own little police badge. (con got one too, & some stickers.) oh, & excuse the hideous tie-dyed t-shirt i'm wearing. i'm running out of decent maternity clothes that fit, so i don't want to hear any hippie comments!





the guys with gram, checking out a firetruck's ladder controls (i think). conrad thought the buttons were super cool & we had a hard time prying him away so other kids could see.

val, next to a giant tire on a navy truck.

conrad, examining the grill on a school bus. he takes his fun very seriously.



& that's that. i found some zo.fran, & it turns out that when i'm not puking constantly i'm in a much better mood (go figure!) so i'm going to try to stay as busy as possible & see if i really can jump start labor... altho as you can see from my ticker-- NINE days left! wooooooo!!!!!

for those who are interested in such things-- still having contrax, they still hurt, back ache still comes & goes with contrax, but they won't stay more consistant than at least 1 every half hour or so. yeah, we have bouts where its more intense, but it never lasts, so i'm still convincing myself we're going to wait another 9 days. or, we'll go into labor before the scheduled c-sec, but the night before or something equally ridiculous. :)

also- the observant among you may notice i'm not wearing my boot in the pics. yes, my foot is still broken, & yes, it still hurts, but the d*mn thing weighs a ton & it feels like i'm dragging a lead weight around, which is pretty much intolerable when you're this pregnant. so i've given up. i am so beyond caring about my stupid heel. i'm sure it's a decision i'll regret later, but again-- soooooo beyond caring right now & like i mentioned in an earlier post, i have decided to go with whatever brings me any small bit of happiness. so down with the boot!!

bye.

i think i need to avoid all human contact for a while, as i am veering wildly between happy zen mother, murderous raging psycho & sobbing soggy mess.

i'm going to gather my babies & retreat from the world. if & when i regain my sanity, i'll be back.