labels & therapy

the guys got referred to a speech therapist today (their 2 yr appointment) & conrad got an extra referral for an occupational therapist to deal with his food aversions. apparently all the spitting out/hoarding food is indicative of an actual diagnosable condition, not just picky eating. the doc thinks it's a sensory aversion, which renders him physically unable to swallow certain textures or tastes.
i have to say, i was expecting the speech therapy (the twin talk has slowed them down, although i still think their comprehension is fine-- it's just the ability to articulate words in english.) i was NOT expecting the OT. i *knew* something was up beyond the usual toddler food-control issues, but i was thinking it was a return of the dreaded reflux. we are, of course, going to embrace the offered help & take advantage of our killer insurance to get them the best help i can find, but i'll admit-- i had a moment of "but my babies are PERFECT! they can't need therapy!"
sigh.
& they ARE perfect-- each in their own imperfect way. i jsut have to remind myself that extra help is not a step backwards.

really, i think they're on the verge of turning the corner with their speech, so a little extra help is probably just what they need to break through. it's the OT that's throwing me for a loop. who ever thought picky eating was a medically treatable condition? part of me thinks that EVERYTHING is diagnosable in today's society, (cheating on your spouse? it's a sex addiction! a hyper kid? must be ADHD! overweight? clearly you had a traumatic childhood!), & if we left the kids alone, they'd work it out in their own time. but the larger part of me thinks that some extra training on how to feed a picky kid is a good thing, regardless of the label given to the behavior.
which suggestes the larger question-- why label at all? does it benefit us in some way to be able to say "he has a sensory aversion" instead of "he won't eat it" when explaining why the kid refuses baked chicken? what is behind the compulsive need to label things before treating them. does declaring yourself an alcoholic make it easier to refuse that next drink, or does it merely offer an excuse for WHY you can't put down the drink? does declaring that conrad has a sensory aversion give him carte blanche to eat only mac n' cheese? (as his mom, my answer to this is a resounding NO!)



as an aside-- i'm not saying that ADHD isn't real, or that having a traumatic childhood is not a legitimate reason to have weight issues, or that conrad doesn't have sensory aversions to certain things. for the record, i think the doc is right. i just question the wisdom of requiring a label to treat certain behaviors. i'd prefer to treat the behavior without stamping a big "XYZ disorder" sign on a person's head.

updates on the rest of life

GERD: it's back. not that it ever really left. but conrad is puking again, pretty regularly. his usual M.O. after a medicine switch is to be fine for a while, then progressively get worse & worse. i'm afraid we're on the downward slope again & i am very scared for him. i know if we can't get this under control it's striaght back to the surgeon & this is NOT a surgery that he could bounce back from quickly. i'm going to track everything that passes his lips & see if we can i.d. some triggers (no luck so far) & have cut out all fat from his evening meal & snack. i don't want to omit the high fat diet entirely, since if he starts losing weight again, or even not gaining, we're still headed back to the surgeon. healthy baby vibes are much needed & appreciated, if anyone has some to spare!

walking: conrad FINALLY took his first unassisted steps yesterday. i knew that when he started, it would be when he was certain he could do it all on his own & sure enough-- that's what happened. he'll only take a few at a time, bc he refuses to allow himself to fall, so he gracefully sinks to his knees when he knows he's losing it (unlike val, who just falls on his face & keeps on trucking). but he's walking & we're all so thrilled, especially his brother, who follows him around clapping-- it's super cute & conrad loves it. :)

3: is a stubborn child. i have been having steady & seriously uncomfortable contractions for several days now, but it's not "real" labor (altho it really feels like the early labor i had with the dudes) so other than being really annoying there's nothing new on that front. c-sec is still scheduled for the 1st (next tuesday) & i'm sure this little booger will just stay camped out until the 11th hour. whatever. baby will come when baby will come & in the meantime i'm just trying to stay busy & occupied so i don't dwell on how freaking uncomfortable i am. which is much easier to do when i'm not puking (thanks zo.fran!)

minivans: we're going hunting today. hopefully we'll find something decent & can bring it home. it's not crucial to have before 3 gets here, but it would be much easier to get done while dealing with only 2 kids instead of 3.

apologies: for the dull updates, but sometimes that's life!

a new perspective

after a fairly sleepless & cranky night (on my part, not the guys-- they slept from 730pm til 8am!!) i woke up in a surprisingly cheerful mood, & decided to spend the morning outside with my goobers. amazing the change a little sunshine can bring.

i'm still all contract-y & uncomfortable, but i have decided all the minor chaos going on with my uterus lately is just some kind of annoying pre-labor & not a lead up to the real thing. (or its a loooong lead up, since obviously labor at some point becomes inevitable.) that said, my new prediction is that 3 will stay put until the 1st & our scheduled birthday, albiet with lots of contractions & backaches & other fun (i.e. miesrable) activities in the meantime. so since i'm going to be pregnant for another 11 days, (i'm not counting the 1st itself, since that's b-day), i might as well make the best of it.

so i am going to endevour to embrace the discomfort. i will hang out with con & val, wear pajamas every day & eat nothing but ice cream if that's what i feel like doing. i will play in the garden, chase caterpillars with the boys, build giant towers of blocks & read goodnight moon as many times as it's handed to me. i will remind myself that the sleeplessness is temporary, & soon enough i will have another small person to keep me company (& keep me awake) latenight. i will tell myself daily that i have not yet gone into labor bc 3 is not yet ready to arrive, & every extra day spent curled up cozy inside means we will take home a chubbier, healthier baby. i will remind myself of all the kind & loving things my husband has done over the years, so that i do not attempt to kill him in a psycho pregnant frenzy.

in short, i am going to ignore the contractions and enjoy my boys, even when they're screaming & fussy beyond belief, bc these are the last few days we will have as a family of 4 & i am determined NOT to go crazy until i am officially a mother of 3 kids under 2.

everyone is sick, & i am going to be pregnant forever.

sound dramatic? sorry, i'm a bit punchy.

conrad woke up at 5 with a ridiculous fever, i got it down to 100 ish with ty.lenol (generic), but have been unable to put him down all day, which is rough bc val is still sick too (altho not quite as sick as his bro.) took the guys to the doc, & its a virus, so there's nothing we can do but tylen.ol, etc. except-- conrad has lost a half pound in just a few days. not a huge deal for a kid not fighting GERD & weight loss on a good day, but for con it's bad news & if we can't get him eating/drinking again ASAP we're in trouble (doc's words & i am so determined to get him eating i didn't even ask what "trouble" meant.) so i got ice cream & pudding & avocados & other delicious treats (his favs) in an attempt to get him to eat. no luck so far, but he is drinking a little again & i'm hoping when he wakes he'll be up for a little munching. val, on the other hand, has decided that as long as i'm going to feed him ice cream, he'll eat again. not as much as usual, but at least he's eating.

oh & N is getting sick now too.

& i am recovering from my sick, but still having random bouts of nausea (pg related i'm sure) & contrax all day, that won't get regular enough for me to think i'm in labor, but are regular enough to make me super uncomfortable & miserable, & keep me awake for the better part of the night. & once i'm alseep, it's pretty much a guarantee that a poor little sicky will wake up & need mama. i don't begrudge the boys the time, but i could really do without the uselses contractions.

so, according to murphy's law & our good luck, i will either be super contract-y & miserable until june, left to care for all these sickies by my 9-mo. pregnant lonesome, OR i will go into labor like, tomorrow, while everyone is horribly sick, so that i'll be bringing a new baby home to a cess-pool of germs & a daddy unable to help.



p.s. on ta.bitha's salon ta.keover that's on in rerun right now (crappy show, i know....) you can see my old apartment in boystown in chi..cago i don't miss much of chi, but i did love that apartment....

life after loss

bc i am home alone with just my goobers today (N is working--we did our little mother's day celebration on friday with my folks), & i'm waiting for my tomatoes to roast for lunch (altho i have no chocolate shake, so i'm settling for chocolate milk) i actually have a minute to blog & be thoughtful, so please excuse the introspective post today.

despite the fact that i have 2 beautiful sons sleeping upstairs, & a third baby due in just a few weeks, today i find myself dwelling on the sons i never got to meet. in january 2007, i became a childless mom for the first time, and a little over a year later, when we lost our second son, my heart broke into a million pieces & i despaired of ever being a mom. i doubted whether i'd ever be a whole person again, & sunk into blackness. every day was a struggle, & even when i wore a smile i felt like every scrap of happiness i had known had disapeared with the sweet boy we never even got to hold.
after 8 months of the worst depression i'd ever felt, i finally started fighting to be happy again, & was able to snatch moments of peace & a few genuine smiles from my life, but i still felt like only part of a person. i was a mom, but without a child, totally rudderless and without any outlet for all the love & care & overwhelming emotions that come with having a baby of your own. it was then, trying to come to grips with the permanent absence of my sons, that we found out we were pregnant with con & val, & i felt hope again.
as difficult and frightening as that pregnancy was, it healed me. i don't know that i would ever have recovered without them. i would have gone on, sure, but as an incomplete version of myself. the boys brought joy back into my life, & gave me a reason to strive to be the woman i've always wanted to be. i can't put into words what motherhood means to me. this family is all i've ever wanted & i am grateful.

so today, despite having found my own happy, i find myself thinking of the moms out there still struggling to heal & those who may never heal, & i wish for them peace, & the return of joy.

if you're up to it, please share what healed you after your loss or infertility struggle, or what you still hope for, & maybe we can all find some hope in the stories. much love & happy mother's day, whether your babies are on earth, in heaven or still on their way.

musings at t-minus 26 days

is it wrong that i am sort of more excited about simply not being pregnant anymore than i am about having another baby?

we got pregnant with the boys in august of 08, they were born in march of 09, & it took me at least 6 mos to start feeling like life was under control again & that my body was my own, & then we got *surprise* knocked up again in september of 09. & before the boys, we had spent a year trying to get pregnant, going thru surgeries, 101 different tests & general TTC messiness. it's been 3 years since i haven't had to think about pregnancy in some stage or another, & almost 2 solid years of being pregnant.

i love my kids, & i feel so incredibly lucky to have them (& i'd even like another one in a few years), but for now, i just want my body back. the new kid can even have my boobs-- that's cool. i just want the rest of me, in a normal shape & size.

i know once 3 is here the baby will obviously take precedence over all of my whiney "i'm tired of being preggo" complaints, but 3 still seems sort of surreal to me. like it's a hypothetical child, instead of a flesh & blood person who will be joining us in the world in 26 short days. i'm not sure if this is bc i've been so busy & preoocupied this whole pregnancy, if it's bc this was an unplanned baby, or maybe bc this has been such an easy pg compared to the guys that i just haven't had to worry/think about it all that much. we haven't had nearly as many peeks at 3 (with the guys we had pretty much weekly ultrasounds, & at the end practically daily) & i could pry count the u/s for 3 on one hand. so maybe it's just the lack of visual contact? who knows. whatever it is, the fact that i will be delivering another kiddo shortly still seems very abstract & distant, despite my desperate desire to no longer be pregnant.

to be honest, i kind of vacillate between "oh my god, the baby's coming & we have nothing done!" to "eh, we have plenty of time, & what does a newborn really need, after all?" it's a bizzare state of apathetic excitement & i'm ready for it to be over & get on with life as a non-pregnant mom of 3.

hurry up & slow down

i want the next few weeks to fly, so i can meet #3 & finally start healing from being pregnant for what feels like years. at the same time tho, i don't want to hurry anything, bc i don't want to lose a minute with my guys. i'll miss them in the hospital, & i know it will take me a while once we get home to get in the swing of having 3 little ones. the boys at a very snuggly, needy age at the moment, & while i know my mom will do a wonderful job of catering to them, i know it will bother me that it won't be ME with them.
don't get me wrong, i do want to spend the time getting to know 3. i want 3 to get the same level of devotion that our first babies got from us, but i know what it is to have to divide your attention, & it hurts, even when you know it's the best thing for everyone. once 3 is here, everything will work out fine, of course, & i will have worried for nothing. but in the meantime i can't help but worry a little, & spend every spare moment i have trying to make my big boys feel as special & loved as i can.


EDIT: ok, i also have to point out here, that while we have just over 30 days til 3's scheduled birthday, 3 could techincally come anytime after may 14th (37 weeks) & be fine. this is just 16 days away!!! anyone want to make some birthday predicitions? i personally think 3 will be a late may baby...

sticks & stones break my bones, but GERD makes me cry.

i broke my ankle. it's a hairline fracture, but it's a fracture & i walked on it ALL week in arlington & DC last week. today i gave up tho, bc it now hurts so bad i can't chase the little dudes around anymore, & spent all afternoon in dr's offices while people tried to tell me it hurts bc i'm pregnant. i finally pitched a total hissy fit & demanded an x-ray & eval by a non-OB, & sure enough it's totally unrelated to me being preggo. duh. this isn't my 1st pg, & i was the queen of swollen appendages with the boys, so i'm pretty sure i know what a pg-swollen ankle feels like. sigh.
so now i'm in an air-cast & supposed to be "off my feet". HA. we'll see how that goes. mostly it just hurts & i don't know what i'm going to do to stay off my feet.

in even worse news, conrad gained ZERO since his last dr. visit, & the puking has returned depite the prevacid. after an appt today & a big pow-wow with our pedi. & his partner (both of whom specialize in this stuff) they think he's a candidate for surgery. basically, it's really bad that he's not gaining & is in fact losing weight, that we can't take him off medicines ever without making things much worse, & that there's been no improvement in his reflux, (which is now offically diagnosed as GERD), since birth.
so we got a referral to a pediatric surgeon who will get the final call. i'm praying we have other options available before we have to resort to surgery, bc it's not minor stuff this time. it's inpatient, requires rehab & abdominal surgery HURTS. i'm super scared just thinking of him having to go through this. we're waiting on the surgery folks to call & set up a consult, & in the meantime if anyone wants to send some good thoughts, vibes or prayers conrad's way, we'd be grateful.

it's a sleepy sunday....

*yawn*

stayed up way too late last night (at least, too late if you're carrying an energy draining parasite & have a couple of sick kids) & am sleepy incarnate this morning. am currently waiting for the guys to fall asleep so i can sneak back in the room & join them for a nap. since he feels so cruddy, con thinks that mama must hold him & only him at all times today. (heaven forbid i touch, hug, snuggle, hold, carry, or otherwise interact with his brother, his father, or even a kitty... he's not usually such a velcro baby, he's one of those kids who is happy as long as you're in eyesight, so i know he must feel really awful. poor kid.)

oh, & in case any one is wondering, the non-date at our house seemed to go well last night. :)

it's a miracle!!

con's skin is CLEAR!!! one more reason i *big puffy heart* antibiotics!
i love that when you finally find something that WORKS, excema disapears overnight. it's the one saving grace in all the horrible itchy scabbiness. so the kid still has some scabs & scrapes, but they can now heal, since his skin isn't attacking itself anymore. (for those of you who haven't ever seen REALLY bad excema, picture the worst diaper rash you've ever seen, the bleeding oozing kind, & imagine that all over his body. the boy looked like a leper.) he does have a lingering infection in the diaper area that had been masked by the excema, but we have a new cream for that & the boy should be MUCH more comfortable soon. he's still itchy of course, but we can deal with that.
one problem down, & only time will tell in regard to the reflux/weight loss issue. my plan is to keep offering him lots of small meals, since he's being such a fussy-pants about eating, & hope he gains. (knock wood) we've had 3 puke-free days on the double dose of prevacid, so i'm beginning to feel hopeful. (knock wood some more). we'll just have to be careful next week traveling, since it always stressed him out & makes both the reflux & excema worse. i'll just have to have a talk with N about putting the baby first, regardless of how badly he wanted to see XYZ, keeping conrad stress-free & eating is more important. it's not that N is a jerk, he just has a military mindset, where he starts thinking that the kids should just be able to "suck it up" & go along with whatever change in schedule is most convenient for the adults. he always listens to reason eventually, he just needs reminding that babies are babies, not troopers & that when a kid isn't well, it's US who need to be accomodating, not them. (insert here how incredibly glad i am that N is NOT in the military. the paramilitary police attitude is enough! & now i'm off on a tangent.... sory...)
& #3 is looking good (had an u/s today) & both boys were perfectly well-behaved & charming at all the doc's this morning. (a miracle in itself!!)

pre-travel insanity, or it never rains but pours

some one in our family has had a dr's appt EVERY freaking day this week. we're supposed to leave tuesday, & have not so much as reserved our rental car. (actually rental van, but whatever.) conrad is an itchy, pukey mess, the birds have to go to the vet tonight (scout has feet issues from her previous life-- she's a rescue), all morning tomorrow conrad & i have dr's appts, meaning val will be there too. i have no real laundry done & tons piling up, since all i've been washing are all-cotton baby jammies/towels for conrad's bath/wet jammies business. we have to shop for critter food for our animal sitters next week, N some how injured his arm & is on perscription pain killers & an icing/pt routine for a week, your truly is in constant pain from this stupid pelvic symphasis & sciatica crap (i thought these would be better with a singleton... nope, still hurts like a b*tch!), & we're going to DC on tuesday! yay!

i'm not really bitter about going on a trip, it's to see my grandfather buried afterall, & n has never been to DC so hitting a smithsonian or two will be cool. i'm just stressing all the extra work & the pain we're all going to be in. (except val, bless his heart!) this is SUCH an awful time for a trip, & con's allergist (who i talked to again this morning) is all worried about traveling with his skin in such bad shape. sigh. he does have (another) doc appt tomorrow morning, so the doc can re-evaluate his skin then & give us some better advice.

all 3 of my men are currently soaking in the tub, so i'm going to go ambush them all with a camera so we at least get some laughs out of all this bathing/wet jammy/injured daddy chaos. :)

crap.

we had a really rough appt with the guys at the pedi this morning... val is just fine. language delayed, but no worries yet over that, as his hearing is fine & he is a twin & 7 weeks early. doc said both are pry contributing factors, so not to stress yet. he's 50th percentile for height & a bit less than that for weight. lots of shots today, plus a finger stick to test lead & hemoglobin levels.

conrad got all the same pokes & measurements, but hasn't grown much height-wise (he & val are now the same height) & actually lost weight in the past 10 days. seriously not cool. he had been gaining slowly, then holding steady & now he's losing. & this is with him actually barfing LESS. his eating habits haven't changed, so we don't know what's up. he had a bunch more blood drawn, in addition to all the pokes, to test for anything wonky going on & should get results back in a couple days. we're dropping the zantac, which seemed to help not at all, & moving to prevacid twice a day instead of just once. we have a follow-up appt a week from monday, but if nothing changes, we're off to a GI doc. & the poor boy's excema is no better after the wet-jammy treatment, altho it did seem to make him temporarily more confortable. we're going to give it another day, then i'll call the allergist back & see what our next step is.

i feel so awful my poor boy is going thru all this crap. he's such a happy little man, despite it all, & it just breaks my heart to see him with all these needles & pokes. we're never out of the doctor's office for more than a week, & i am so freaking upset that he's losing weight. i'm not sure we should even be going to DC next week (for my grandpa's funreal at arlington) with all this going on. he doesn't eat well when we travel, & stress makes the excema worse. the pedi said it was ok to take him, but i just don't know....

this sucks. at least he's still cheerful tho, & val is doing great-- asthma well-controlled & perfectly healthy. (counting blessings....)

allergies? what allergies?

so conrad has really bad excema. this is no "oh he's a little itchy" rash, this is a whole-body, red, cracked, oozy mess. it itches, so he scratches & it hurts, so he cries. it. is. AWFUL.

we went in to the allergist last week for blood testing to see what he's allergic to (skin testing requires him to go off ALL his meds, including his reflux meds, which is not an option right now), & we got the results back today. he is allergic to...

drum roll, please....

nothing. yup, nothing. could have knocked me over with a feather. apparently excema can be its own cause. & in severe cases like con's, it is a virtual guarantee that he WILL be allergic, the allergies just haven't manifested yet. so we're re-testing in june, hopefully with a skin test, & until then, we're just trying to get his skin under control so he can be comfortable. so he's on a new steroid for 5 days, we're supposed to continue his daily 20 minute luke-warm soaks in the tub, followed immediately by a slathering of cream to lock in the moisture, & now, after his bath, we are to soak a pair of jammies, ring them out, dress him in the soggy jammies & then put dry jammies on top. he's supposed to hang out like that as long as possible, & it's supposed to help relieve the itching (the more you itch, the worse the excema gets, so half the battle is stopping the itch/scratch cycle), & help the steroids penetrate more deeply. so he's been chilling in sog-butt jammies since 5, & will be in them til bedtime. i know it sounds weird, but the doc says the wet-jammy treatment usually has really dramatic results, like better overnight results, so i'm hoping....

random weekend update

so the boys had a really fun birthday (pics to follow). on their actual birthday, we just hang out & went to the park bc the weather was GORGEOUS. conrad finally got to try the swings (he loved them) & daddy took them running in the bob (totally wore N out-- he said it was like running with a sail). saturday we had our little party, & the dudes got completely spoiled. but new toys really were desperately needed-- they were in need of some "big kid" toys, which we now have in droves. :)
we also totally rearranged all our furniture. friday night, we were both up all night bc val had a bad night & didn't sleep, & apparently we both spent the time dwelling on how to rearrange our house, bc saturday morning we both had big plans for how to move everything around. after trying N's way, my arrangement won out & now we actually have seating in our family room & the birds have been moved into one cage (YAY!) we're going to see how they do, & hopefully we can control things enough that they aren't inspired to make passionate birdy love like last time.
& all this week we have doctor's appointments & more doctor's appointments. sigh...
back to the allergist tomorrow for conrad's results. i'm actually kind of anxious about this. allergies are so hard to get under control... we're been trying a new routine of daily soaks (not baths-- no soap) for 15 mins a day & then a quick head to toe covering of eucerin, which does seem to make him more confortable, but has done nothing for the flare-ups. this morning there was the start of another bad attack, & the poor kid has been sneezing all day. so i'm hopeful that there's SOMETHING we can do for him, but i guess we still won't know for a while yet. so much of allergy treatment is trial & error until you (hopefully) find something that works. & avoidance only goes so far. it's not like we can hide him from dust & grass, you know? i want him to be able to be a normal kid.
then wednesday, both kids have their 12 mo. check up. val is doing pretty well, no asthma troubles recently, but con again is having issues with his reflux. he's still puking at least every other day (better than multiple times a day, but still.... it seems like too much puking for a 12 mo. old baby). & i want to ask about their language & crawling, etc-- the usual mommmy concerns. plus they're getting shots. woo-hoo! i think daddy will be coming with us tho, so that will make shots easier, since there will be one parent per kid to give cuddles afterwards.
& friday i go see my OB for a check on #3. i've felt pretty awful lately-- crampy & lots of back pain, so i want him to check things out & make sure all is still as it should be, since we're planning on going to DC still next week. i think it's just bc i've been overdoing things a bit. we've been busy & N seems to think that as long as i am not actively throwing up, i should be able to do everything i can do when i'm not big & preggo. & bc i'm me, i can't say no, especially when my kids want mama. so basically i've been in pain for a while, & am pretty miserable. i do feel better with rest, but rest is hard to come by. so i just want to make sure there's no damage done.

& this has probably been the most boring post ever. sorry.... i'll post fun pics of the dudes at their birthday festivities later to make up for it. :)

lots of gratuitous baby pics

bc they're so cute, i jsut can't help myself-- here are way too many pics of the dudes hanging at the park by gram's (& our place...we live super close.)

val with daddy, going down the big kid slide. N loved this, val was intrigued, but very serious about it all.

conrad swinging with daddy. (he couldn't go on the little kids swing bc of his re-circ, but he still enjoyed it.) val got to swing on the baby swing by himself & thought he was extremely cool, altho i forgot to upload a pic of it.

vally, crawling around the swing set.

con exploring screws. he loves buttons, & anytign that may be a button, hence the fascination with screws. i think he spent like 5 mintues non-stop investigating this before we could move on.

right after we got to the park. note the looks of suspicion.

conrad, just pleased with life, generally, & very happy about finding mama in the "fort".

val, hiding in the baby fort, being cute.
i love love love love love this nice weather. it's so great to be able to take the dudes out to play finally. i'm not sure how i'll manage it this summer with a newborn, but we're going to make it happen! the fresh air is way too wonderful to pass up!! of course bc it's MI, it's supposed to snow next week, but i'm pretending like spring has sprung until then :)

first birthdays

it occurred to me that most people seem to make a pretty big fuss (or at least around here they do) & i decided that since this birthday party is mostly for mom anyways (let's be honest. they won't really remember balloons, or clowns, or how many people came, or what they got. not that it's bad to do all that stuff, just be honest-- admit it's really for you!) so we decided to have a just a small party, with way too much food. (bc every family gethering involves way too much food. it's just how we roll.)
ok, i did get some birthday plates, etc, but N is baking cupcakes & we're making simple food. it's just me & N, my folks, & the guys' aunt & her folks. (my best bud & her parents are pretty much family in our world. & N's parents aren't coming down.) so we'll be at home, & i think it will be pretty chill.
i am pretty sure the dudes will get way too much stuff. i used their birthday as an excuse to update their toys, (they really need some more challenging stuff), & i'm sure my folks also went a bit overboard, bc it's what grandparents do. but we didn't invite extended family, or everyone we know with small children, bc at 1, the guys don't care, & i think a small party would be not only easier but more pleasant for us & the dudes. there will be years ahead where we can go "big" but this year, we wanted something small & chill, where the dudes can make a huge mess & get cranky if they want to with no pressure to be a "good" baby. afterall, it IS their birthday-- they can cry if they want to! :)

so what did you do for your kids' first birthday?

Sunday Pics & Milestones

con man at the park

valinator in the front yard

check out my sidebar-- no more adjusted age! i was waiting til their 12 mo. check up for the doc to officially tell me they're all caught up, but i'm sick of looking at it & i think they're caught up enough for me!

some milestones accomplished for Val:

• he crawls on all 4s



• he can sit up by himself



• he can pull to standing & balance there



• he can take a couple steps (he's only done this twice so far, but that counts!)



• he can point, clap & wave



• he can swtich toys from one hand to the other & bang them together



• he can feed himself with his fingers



• drinks from a sippy (but only at meals), & from an open cup (with help)



• kind of says "kitty" (ok, it's really "dee-dee" in their goober-language, but they mean "kitty"!)
  

some milestones accomplished for Conrad:

• he does a killer army-crawl



• he gets up on all 4s & rocks



• can pull himself to a stand



• can sit up by himself



• he can point, clap & high-five



• he can feed himself with his fingers



• switches toys fm hand to hand, & knocks them together (& againts anything he can find!)



• he can turn the pages of a book



• gives himself a bottle (he hates sippys) & can drink from a cup (with help)



• kind of says "kitty" (yeah, he says "dee-dee" too... i still think it counts as a word!)

they also both cruise the furniture, & know what "no" means, altho they don't say it. no one says "mama" or "dada" yet, but they do long chains of "mamamamama" or "dadadadada." val does it a bit more than con man, but he's working on it. they also both say "ga" for "hi". i have no idea where they got "ga", but they use it consistently & in perfect context for "hi", so maybe that counts as half a word? either way, altho they haven't hit every single milestone 12 mo. olds are supposed to have hit, i think milestones are fairly arbitrary anyways & that there is a range of "normal". so in my non-expert opinion, they are both perfectly normal 12 mo olds & the ticker had to GO!

these socks were made for walking...

my goober took his first steps!!!! :)

con man isn't there yet (still working on his crawl) but last night val took his first 3 steps (at a RUN, no less) toward his gram (my mom) as she was leaving after dinner. i have to admit, i'm a bit jealous he didn't run to mama first, but i am so thrilled for my little monkey!! he loves to be in motion, & i know he's pry going to be taking everything at a run as soon as he figures it out.

OMG

yes, i just used "OMG" as a title. no, i am not 13, just a lazy typist.

anyways-- OMG!!!! the boys will be ONE YEAR OLD in just 2 weeks!!!

i just looked at my ticker & realized how darn old they're getting. i guess i better get on the stick with birthday party plans, eh?


& speaking of OMG-- last night, as we were putting the boys to bed, we lost power. & it was dark. like, DARK dark. pitch black, one might say. did we have flashlights at the ready? of course not! did we even have flashlights in a rational place, near batteries? HA! why would we do something like that?
so we went on a hunt for flashlights & batteries, & as soon as we walked out of the room, the boys became hysterical. (not that they were happy about the super silent scary dark before then). i found our leftover pumpkin lights from halloween (the fake flickering candle kind) & put those in the bedroom & we kept looking. N found a real light first, & picked up conrad, who promptly puked all over the bedroom. yay reflux. bc the light he had found sucked, i kept looking & he started cleaning up. i find a light (that also sucks), & then hear N yelling, so i double time it to the bedroom & find that val has also decided to puke all over his crib & the bedroom.
we clean up as best we can in the total blackness, & now NO ONE can sleep & everything smells like vomit, so we all hang out on our bed & cuddle while N & i read by flickering pumpkin lights. the guys finally passed out & we followed suit not long after.
good times.

this morning, we stocked all our flashlights & moved them to more sensible locations. blackouts rock.

tattoos & baby toys

in case you all were unaware, i have quite a bit of ink. it's all totally hidden by winter clothes, & most of it is totally hidden by any clothes (a reason why there are so few pics of my tattoos here, & a legacy of my time as a lawyer. like it or not, people judge you by appearance, so most of my tats are hidden. i was SOOO thrilled this summer when i finally got some ink that isn't super secret with clothes on. needless to say, i have zero intention of ever practising law again.) anyways-- the dudes are totally enamored of my tats. it's like they *know* they aren't a natural feature, & whenever we're playing on the floor & my shirt rides up enough to see the tattoos on my sides, they spend ages examining them. val especially is just fascinated-- he has to stare at them from all angles, then touch them, then try to taste them. it cracks me up every time. i've had them his entire life, so you think they'd be used to them. maybe he just likes the contrast? or maybe he'll follow in my footsteps & get inked up, much to his daddy's dismay. :) i have to say i don't really mind the thought of tattoos on my kids, but i think it's something you need to be over 18 to do. (i know, i'm all law-abiding & boring, but teenagers are notorious for bad decisions, & who wants a bad choice in ink forever?)

& about baby toys-- is anyone else sick to death of plastic? the boys' birthday is coming up next month (!!!!) & i asked my folks to steer far away from anything plastic. my mom, bless her heart, never questions my parenting decisions, but some other IRL folks have. plastic is so easy to clean, if it wasn't safe they wouldn't sell it (HA!), it's cheaper, etc, etc. but i'm sick of plastic. everything is plastic. & all safety issues aside, it's just boring. & i think the boys get bored with it. it's the same texture over & over, & i find that they're drawn to their wooden toys with more consistency & are entertained by them longer. yeah, they're more expensive & you have to be mindful of the potential for splintering & knawing by little teeth, but i've found them to be on the whole very durable & worth the money.
so i asked for a plastic-free birthday, at least from the grandparents ( i don't feel it's polite to require gifts from other guests, but if any one wants to get a gift & asks for guidance, i have a ready list of non-plastic ideas available. i just don't like to assume that people want to get my kids presents, you know?) it's not like i'm going to freak out or abandon all plastic, but some variety in materials would be nice. & why does it have to be some darn hard to find non-plastic baby toys? i'm sick of seeing the same plastic crap on every shelf, in every store.