So far, in our marriage, I have always taken a hands-off approach to N's family politics. His family & mine are quite different in their attitudes, & from the start I told him with his family, I'd follow his lead as long as I saw no negative impact on our kids (of course back then they were only hypothetical kids). I think it's been a good decision-- N always discusses the "why" behind his choices with me & has been really patient & understanding as I flail about & try to figure out what the h*** is going on with everyone. (Conversely, we take the same approach in reverse with my family, it's just turned out to be less of an issue since my dad got sober.) Basically, each of us supports the other's decisions regarding their "own" family as long as those choices don't impact our family-- me, N & our boys. & it's a policy that seems to be working for us.
Anyways, with N's family, we generally keep quiet & try to stay as far away as possible from any & all family drama. We listen & nod sympathetically & try to keep out of the mess. However, lately I'm beginning to feel like I'm walking a tightrope. I'm trying to be faithful to what I believe is right without offending any of N's family & it's getting increasingly difficult. It's a position N has been in for 20+ years, but it's all still new & bewildering to me. For better or worse, I tend to assume the best of people & their motives until proven otherwise, & I'm not so sure it's an attitude that works with these people. I don't want to turn into some kind of harsh, angry cynic, but I also hate hearing hurtful comments about our little family. I know nasty gossip like that typically has more to do with the person/people spreading the gossip than it does the people the gossip is about, but no matter how rationally I approach it, it still hurts to hear.
For now, I don't know that there is anything to do about the situation other than keep my head down & bite my tongue, but I have a feeling that regardless of our "We are Switzerland" policy of neutrality, at some point this will all reach a breaking point.
In other news-- we have a growth scan for the little dudes tomorrow. Fingers crossed for good growth & healthy babies!!! Oh, & N & I are finally healthy again... thank goodness! That whole flu thing was really miserable...
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