Our TTC Saga, Part I

Our TTC journey started with an "oops" pregnancy. We weren't trying, we weren't married, I still lived in Chicago, & yet...... once we knew there was never a question of what we'd do. We were planning on getting married anyways, so we'd have the baby & just consider it a jump start on the life we wanted.
& then I lost the baby. I was in my apartment by myself & went into labor. N was in Michigan at the time, & my mom was in Michigan with my dad, who was going through a very painful detox at the time, so I was alone. I tried to stay stoic through the next week at work, & when I got a chance to go home again a week later, all I could do when I saw N was cry & apologize for killing his baby. We never told anyone.
Our next pregnancy came 3 months after we were married. All the statistics say that after 1 miscarriage your chances of a healthy pregnancy are as good as someone who'd never miscarried. We convinced ourselves that it was a fluke.
We saw a beautiful, strong heartbeat at 6 weeks, and a perfect wiggly baby-in-the-making at 8 weeks. I had horrible morning sickness & daydreamed about our life as parents. We were having a boy and on cloud 9. We told our families when we thought we were "safe".
& then I started bleeding. Not a lot, & not bright red. (I love how people always assume that brown spotting is "old blood" & perfectly safe. Sometimes I correct them, but mostly I say nothing. No one likes to be the harbinger of doom.)
I called our doctor's office, & an ob other than ours agreed to see us that day. At the ultrasound we saw no heartbeat. There was also a huge bleed behind the placenta, but they told me that later. I saw & heard nothing after the words "no heartbeat". They scheduled a D&C for the next day.
The D&C did not go well. I bled for 6 weeks & got sicker & sicker & was in more & more pain. Finally, after a "follow-up" appointment our ob found "retained products of conception" were left in my uterus. We tried methotrexate, which other than making me feel like sh**, did nothing. So they scheduled a 2nd D&C & found I had a uterine infection. Eventually I actually recovered this time. At least physically.
In reality, I was a completely shattered person. It's hard for me to talk about how broken I was then. The facts are much easier. We went through loads of testing. Some of it simple, some of it more invasive, & none of it gave us answers.