Friday, July 15, 2011

mommyhood & "me" time

a friend i used to work with in chicago, who is currently expecting her 1st (& second--twins for her too!) this december, asked me this morning what i was doing for "me" time this summer. i know she meant well, but the comment just made me laugh. i know she was looking for some hidden assurance in my answer that life wouldn't change all that much after her babies are born-- that there will still be time for girls' nights out, & all those little hobbies you treasure, quiet time with books, romantic evenings with your husband, etc, etc., & i still just wanted to laugh. i refrained from giggling outright & telling her life is about to change in ways she cannot yet fathom, & instead told her N & i are planning a weekend away at the end of the summer (true), & that most of my personal "me" time comes in stolen moments throughout the day (also true).
what i didn't tell her was that for a long time after those kids are born, "me" time will not exist, & that when it makes its reappearance, the shape of "me" time will have changed in ways she can't picture yet. my "me" time now comes in moments of zen found while grocery shopping, while laying in yard showing emma blades of grass, in quiet moments quilting while the kids all sleep. & even when you truly get away from it all, part of your heart & mind will still be home with your little ones (or at least that's how life is for me.) i don't obsess over them, but i know that they exist & are carrying on when i'm not there, & even while i have fun on my own, i wonder what they're up to. i find little things on my own adventures to bring home for them, & i know that for me now, the best part of "me" time is when it's over, & i come home refreshed & relaxed, looking forward to sharing my time & myself with the little people who took my "me" time away in the first place.
of course, i think all of that is far too much to dump on a soon to be new mom, who is desperate not to lose herself in her children. i remember feeling that way, & while i think i did lose myself for a while (& still do, from time to time), the new self i've found is a better & more complete, content & confident person. i just wish there were a way to express that to a new mom, in a way that they could believe.

4 comments:

  1. I think you just did :) Love the honesty in this post.

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  2. This is really lovely. :) I think the word that really hits home for me, though, is "refreshed" ... whatever we can do, even in the *presence of* our children, to refresh ourselves, so that we can meet the challenges with more patience and understanding, is really what "me" time is about!

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  3. I love this post. It is absolutely perfect! A must-read for all new(ish) moms.

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  4. I think this is the perfect post,a s it is so true!

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