then & now baby pics

pictures like this make me really excited to have a newborn again, sleepless nights & all. they look like little dolls in the this picture... amazing how quiet they once were!

quiet no more-- con man getting down with his baby mohawk!

& my val, breaking it down white boy style!

speaking of quiet no more, they're getting up from their nap so i have to run, (i can hear them chatting to eachother in baby-speak), but before i do, allow me to draw your attention to the ticker on the side of my blog-- 100 days left til our due date today, meaning as of tomorrow (when i will be unable to blog) we will be in the double digits!!! totally blows my mind... am i really ready to be a mom of 3 kids under 2???

tattoos & baby toys

in case you all were unaware, i have quite a bit of ink. it's all totally hidden by winter clothes, & most of it is totally hidden by any clothes (a reason why there are so few pics of my tattoos here, & a legacy of my time as a lawyer. like it or not, people judge you by appearance, so most of my tats are hidden. i was SOOO thrilled this summer when i finally got some ink that isn't super secret with clothes on. needless to say, i have zero intention of ever practising law again.) anyways-- the dudes are totally enamored of my tats. it's like they *know* they aren't a natural feature, & whenever we're playing on the floor & my shirt rides up enough to see the tattoos on my sides, they spend ages examining them. val especially is just fascinated-- he has to stare at them from all angles, then touch them, then try to taste them. it cracks me up every time. i've had them his entire life, so you think they'd be used to them. maybe he just likes the contrast? or maybe he'll follow in my footsteps & get inked up, much to his daddy's dismay. :) i have to say i don't really mind the thought of tattoos on my kids, but i think it's something you need to be over 18 to do. (i know, i'm all law-abiding & boring, but teenagers are notorious for bad decisions, & who wants a bad choice in ink forever?)

& about baby toys-- is anyone else sick to death of plastic? the boys' birthday is coming up next month (!!!!) & i asked my folks to steer far away from anything plastic. my mom, bless her heart, never questions my parenting decisions, but some other IRL folks have. plastic is so easy to clean, if it wasn't safe they wouldn't sell it (HA!), it's cheaper, etc, etc. but i'm sick of plastic. everything is plastic. & all safety issues aside, it's just boring. & i think the boys get bored with it. it's the same texture over & over, & i find that they're drawn to their wooden toys with more consistency & are entertained by them longer. yeah, they're more expensive & you have to be mindful of the potential for splintering & knawing by little teeth, but i've found them to be on the whole very durable & worth the money.
so i asked for a plastic-free birthday, at least from the grandparents ( i don't feel it's polite to require gifts from other guests, but if any one wants to get a gift & asks for guidance, i have a ready list of non-plastic ideas available. i just don't like to assume that people want to get my kids presents, you know?) it's not like i'm going to freak out or abandon all plastic, but some variety in materials would be nice. & why does it have to be some darn hard to find non-plastic baby toys? i'm sick of seeing the same plastic crap on every shelf, in every store.

to the dr..... again

never thought i'd be at the pediatricians so much. i feel like dr. visits increase exponetially with each kid added to the family. & my kids are HEALTHY....sigh... am beginning to feel like they should just build us our own private office when 3 gets here..... at least we like our doc!

twin speak

(i know i keep blogging about twins lately... sorry guys, i'll try to come up with some more general interest stuff at some point. there just seem to be twin topics cropping up in life. pry bc we have twins. anyways....)

i am beginning to wonder if the dudes are working on some twin speak. for those of you not familiar, twins can develop their own language in lieu of learning english (or whatever real language is spoken at home.) per our research, girl-girl & boy-girl twins rarely have language issues & stay mostly on par with singletons, but boy-boy twins usually have some language delay & are more likely to develop their own language.

& i think that's what the guys are working on. they are MUCH more interested in talking to each other than to anyone else. they mimic each other's sounds, & use the same "babbles" to refer to things. i'm not going to stress yet, since i think their hearing is fine, & we were expecting some language delay, but i'm def bringing it up at their 12 mo. check up next month. in the meantime, we use the right words to refer to things. which usually results in them replying with their own "words"... but i'm thinking they'll catch on eventually, it will just take longer bc they have each other to reinforce their "words." or at least, that's my thinking.... we'll see how it pans out...

just one

it's weird being pg with a singleton. maybe its just bc i was so recently pg with twins, but it's just odd. the movements are so different, & that's weird. but weirder than that is that i still think in terms of 2. we often forget & say when "they" get here, i think just bc we're so used to referring to everything in terms of multiples. it's totally bizzarre to me to think of all the things i won't have to do, bc this is just ONE baby... we won't BOTH have to get up at every feeding, breastfeeding won't be an hour & a half long enterprise involving lots of pumping & reflux prevention, NICU time is super unlikely (thank God!!!).... honestly, i have a hard time imagining what it will be like to have just one. (i know we won't really have just one, since the boys will be 14mos when 3 is born, but still-- just ONE newborn.... how crazy will that be?)

i'm actually kind of sad that 3 won't have a twin. as the boys get older, they are sooooo attached to each other. they genuinely love each other's company & hate to be parted. they have such a great time playing together, & i really hope that 3 grows to be included in their little world. don't get me wrong, being pg with twins was incredibly difficult & dangerous for all 3 of us so i don't want to put any more children thru that. i know how lucky we were to make it to 33 weeks after PTL at 26 weeks, & have a only a 3 week NICU stay, etc, etc, but if it weren't so dangerous for the kids i'd wish for more twins in an instant. not that i'm really bummed about havinga singleton either-- i think it will be kind of a cool parenting experience to get to raise both & i'm sure there are benefits to having kids one at a time, but i can't help but worry that 3 will be lonely....

sounds silly i know, when the kids will all be barely a year apart... but still.....

we're getting a minivan

yeah baby. that's right-- a minivan.

i am so freaking excited about this i cannot put it into words. 3 babies in carseats= insanity & a very cramped lincoln. (yes, we currently drive a town car. believe it or not, we get tons of compliments on the thing, which we refer to as the boys' pimp mobile. altho i'm pretty sure the compliments are due entirely to the fact that we live in ypsi, MI. i seriously doubt that a town car is considered cool by anyone under 70 anywhere else in the US.) anways-- MINIVAN!!!!! i am 100% set on stow n'go seating, which rocks so hard it makes me smile just thinking about it. ahhhhhh---storage! :)

strollers, funerals, life generally...

thanks for not making me feel like a cow ladies! i don't know how i was "tiny" with twins since they were born so darn big. it must have been the whole "1st" pregnancy thing. (well, not really first, but first that went that far....) & i was certainly not small by 33 weeks... i'm scared to think how huge i would have gotten. especially now knowing the total havoc the dudes wrecked on my poor body. not that i regret it at all, but still.. ouch. my joints never recovered, nor did my back, & bikinis? yeah, those days are over-- i have stretch marks on my calves, for pete's sakes! :)

ANYWAYS-- i feel super accomplished today. we picked up the "big" odds & ends we needed for #3. we got a singleton stroller, another pack n' play (a must for travel for us & we do take enough overnight trips to warrant it), & we have a crib & dresser/changing table coming from some friends. so now we jusst need another diaper genie, a wrap that i actually like (recomendations welcome!), a glider and another diaper bag (i have one picked out, i just need to order it. & ONE diaper bag is barely sufficient for twins, let alone 3 little goobers under 2!)
& in less fun shopping news, i got an outfit to wear to my grandfather's memorial. i needed everything down to tights & shoes... i had zero appropriate maternity things that were nice enough for a fancy funeral in a super conservative small town.

we also were able to finalize the memorial plans for next saturday. we think they're going to have to move it to the fairgrounds bc so many people are coming, so the details are still in the air, but at least we can move forward now. (big yay here for small-town lawyers!) & the details are set for arlington on april 1st. bc he was a colonel, he gets to be buried with full honors-- air force band, escort platoon, taps, the caisson, 21 gun salute-- the whole 9 yards. my grandfather would have loved it. plus, my dad has been fielding a bunch of calls from my grandfather's veteran buddies, all of whom want to show up in uniform to honor him. makes me feel very proud, & happy for my grandpa-- he would have been tickled by all the fuss.

& that's been life the past few days.

Twin v. Singleton Belly: Part V

here i am 24 weeks with the boys...

& here i am 24 weeks with #3...

totally think i look just as big with this ONE baby as i did with TWO last year... sigh...

dumb movies

i went to see a movie today that i knew would be kind of lame, just bc i needed to shut off my brain for a while. am i the only one who ever intentionally watches something completely banal just for a break?

a non-valentine's day

N & i actually don't celebrate valentine's day. i love him all year, so for us, this is just another day. when the kids get older, i will pry use the day as an excuse to get them a little candy or socks, or something, but i think it's a day for small presents, not big ones.

i did get my folks a couple books, bc i thought they could use the distraction after the crap week they've been having. for those of you who don't know, my grandfather passed away last sunday. his widow & her son (no relation to us) are being wretched & intentionally blocking everything my grandfather wanted carried out after his death, including decent care for the widow (who is very ill & needs to be in a home or hospital) & arranging for my grandfather's burial. (he got into arlington, which is a big deal & come hell or high water, we WILL see him buried there.)
we can't even settle on a memorial service in my grandfather's town yet, which is hard, bc my grandpa was a pretty big deal where he lived & lots of folks are calling my dad & wanting to help, or participate & pay their respects in some way. he sat on a ton of local committees right up until his death, & he had a hand in pretty much everything that happened in his little town, not to mention he was a veteran of 2 wars who served his country for 30+ years, a colonel in the air force, an active participant in rebuilding armenia after its independence from the USSR in 91, a lobbiest for public health & environmental issues in michigan congress & generally just a pretty cool old dude. the town's mayor is anticipating several hundred folks wanting to be at the memorial (alot for this little town) & we'd really like to get going on planning a farewell for him.
the silver lining in all of this is that alot of people we didn't even know knew my grandpa are coming out of the woodwork. my dad got a call from the former attorney general of the US yesterday morning offering condolences, & then the man sent a really beautiful eulogy to be read at the service. one of the original tuskeegee airmen called to see what he could do & suggest an honor guard-- i always just knew him as my grandpa's best friend, i never knew he was such an important character in his own right. anyways, little things like that have helped cheer my dad up & make him feel like all his work is worth it. it's really rewarding to see how many people loved the man i just knew as grandpa, & to see the impact one life had on so many different people.

there's really no point to this post, other than getting out my own meandering thoughts... sorry kids! happy valentine's day!

an ode to the first love of my life

ok, maybe not an ode, since i'm not much for poems, but at least a post devoted to him, since its almost valentine's day & all.

why i love my husband:

• he is not romantic. he's brought me flowers exactly twice in all the time we've known each other (once on our first date, & once when i was in the hospital recovering from an apendectomy), he doesn't do sweet mushy things or call me pet names, he almost never tells me i'm beautiful, & he frequently forgets to do things like get me a christmas or birthday gift. (& now you're all wondering why i love this man, right?) well, what he does do is share my sense of humor, love my family as his own, think it's "cool" that my favorite tv show is antiques roadshow, eat all of my cooking experiments (even the vegetarian ones) without complaint, collects & puts away every night all the random odds & ends that i've "lost" during the course of the day, willingly puts his life on the line every day he goes to work, tries his best every day to be a good cop, a good husband, son & father, & never ends a conversation without telling me that he loves me. to me, that's REAL romance.
• he also makes the best carrot cake in the entire world, as well as a mean cheesecake & totally amazing red velvet cake.
• he never judges my family members who are fighting addiction, & is nothing but supportive both of me & of them.
• he loves animals & is secretly a bigger softie than i am when it comes to rescue critters.
• our sons adore him.
• he's HOT.
• & finally, he loves me. how do you not love that?

so that's my hubby. why do you love yours?

to breed or not to breed?

i have a very dear friend IRL who has decided with her hubby that they never want kids. it was actually a condition of marriage for her. i've never commented to her or any of our other IRL friends about her choice-- it's HER choice, i know her reasons, & i respect them. i've always tried to be 100% supportive of her decision. no matter how much i love kids, or think she'd be a great mom, i also firmly believe that no one should have a child unless both parents really want the kid & are committed to the child & each other. so for what it's worth, i think she's making the right choice for her.
that said, i also can't help but feel sad for her, bc she'll never know what it is to truly, unconditionally love another person. i thought i knew when i married N. i mean, i loved my family, i loved my husband more than i thought possible, but i had no idea how much it was possible to love another human being until i had my boys. i gave my heart away the instant they laid those babies in my arms, & there are no limits or conditions on that love. it's not something i can adequately describe, but hopefully you fellow moms know what i mean.
knowing what i know now about a mom's capacity to love, i can't help but feel a little sad for my friend, & truly devastated for women trying & failing to concieve.
what are your thoughts on women who choose not to have children? not bc of infertility, but bc they don't want kids, for whatever reason. can a woman live a truly emotionally fulfilling life without kids?

Twins v. Singleton Belly: Part IV

here i am at 23 weeks with #3.

& at almost 23 weeks with the dudes.
i feel like i'm about the same size still.... but i do think this one is hanging out lower. or maybe i'm a tad smaller finally? my butt is definetly huger this time tho... sigh... at least N is a butt guy.

we're back!

we're back after a lovely week up north with the grandparents. it was a nice change of scene, but traveling with 2 babies is never really restful, so i'm still totally pooped, altho i think we're all a bit refreshed after spending a week away.
i think even N missed us, altho he'd be the last to admit it! :P

& the boys have fifths (yay!) which is only obnoxious bc i'm pg, so i'll go get tested this afternoon & hopefully will be immune & won't have to worry.

i feel like my belly has exploded over the past week. i'll try to get N to take a pic tonight so i can do a belly comparison, bc i pretty much feel huge. i'm starting to pant just going up & down stairs & stuff, which drives me nuts bc its not like i'm in bad shape. & in other pg related complaints, the whole pubic-bone separating an abnormal amount that happened with the guys is back. its called pubic symphasis (altho my spelling might be bad there) & it just sucks. it pretty much feels like you have an unsupported broken bone right across your pubic bone (which is kind of what it is) & it makes every single movement really painful & there's nothing you can do about it & it just sucks. sigh.... woe is me, woe is me! (just kidding!)

ok, i promise i'm done b****ing now. :)