9 month check up

& they're still on the preemie charts. which is ok.

size-wise, they're looking like they're 9 mos, but developmentally, they're more like 7 1/2 mos. which is perfect for their adjusted age. it's just so easy to forget (even for me) that they were in fact preemies, bc they're such darn BIG boys. which, in hidsight, i think is just them. they were born big, at what is considered "term" size for twins despite being 7 weeks early, so i think this is just what they would have looked like at 7 mos, had they been term. i think they're just big dudes, like their daddy.

doc was totally unconcerned, said they are right on track & we should be completely thrilled with how great they're doing. (& we are. doesn't stop me from looking forward to the day when they're all caught up!) he's also holding off on officially diagnosing val with asthma. we haven't had to resort to the albuterol since he's been healthy, so we just have to be careful to keep him that way & be watchful of his breathing.

in other less than cool news, their foreskins were also adhering to their penises. not cool. so they had to be pulled back, which the dudes hated (obviously) & N & i will have to keep up at home. if we can't resolve it ourselves, then we move onto a steroid cream, & if that doesn't work, they get re-circumsized. i am NOT happy about this, but we'll do what we need to. apparently adhesions like this are pretty common with circumsized babies, & our doc wasn't worried, but separating the adhesions is NOT pleasant for anyone. my poor little boys! we really want to avoid a re-circumcision tho, so will be keeping our fingers crossed the less invasive methods work.
i feel horrible that i didn't notice it was happening, but honestly i had no idea that wasn't what it was supposed to look like. i've never really closely examined a foreskin before, & i'm the one who always cleans them & stuff. so i feel kind of guilty, but i don't know how i would have known, you know? sigh... at least it's a fix-able thing.

& conrad finally got his second (& last) seasonal flu vaccine, so we are all covered (except N). yay!!!

& lastly, some stats: con was 29inches long & 18lbs 8oz, with a head circumf. of 18 1/4 inches. val: 28 inches long, 19lbs 10oz, & head circumf. of 18inches. they are, as always, prefect little dudes!

oh & i had a check on #3 today. he's just fine. :)

my least favorite holiday

i love christmas, but i have never liked new years. out of the last 12 or so years, i can think of maybe 3 that didn't suck & 2 of those started our horribly. there's just so much pressure to have a date, &/or do something really cool, & neither of those things ever worked out for me. even after N & i got together, he's worked almost every new years, so i still ended up flying solo.

the first new years i had that didn't suck, i was at an AWFUL party in chi til almost midnight, when i finally escaped the skanky dudes trying to line up a kiss. that particular party had started with throwing a bunch of computer equipment onto DiverseyPkwy. from the window of the apartment, & ended with a bunch of my roommate's summer camp friends getting naked & extremely weird. ("camp" people are just odd... if you went to summer camp, i'm sure it was great for you, but to the rest of us, all your rituals & stories & jokes are just, well, weird.) anyways, i left the party about 20 to midnight, walked over to my friend amy's apartment, watched the ball drop by myself & then called amy to say i was there & watching her 20yrs of oprah dvds. which was enough to convince her to leave her crappy party & come watch oprah with me... it ended up being a surprisingly good time.

my next decent new years was also in chicago, with my best law school friend (NC--who now lives in L.A. with her fabulous hubby). it was NC, me, NC's brother, NC's then-boyfriend (now husband) & a random friend from her temple. we started in the burbs, finally made it downtown, couldn't catch a cab, finally got the world's smallest, stinkiest cab & then couldn't find our party. so at 1130, we gave up, stopped the cab in front of a random party & crashed it. of course, in a city of millions, we end up at a party thrown by the good friends of a guy i had just dumped, & dumped hard. sigh... miraculously, it ended up being a really fun party despite the initial hostility. it was also the night NC's man confessed to me he was planning on proposing to NC. i don't think i've ever drank so much champagne. which tastes even better when you haven't paid for a drop of it!

my favorite new years was the only one N has had off since i've known him. it was our first as a married couple, & in reaction to our shared dislike of new year's parties, we invited my folks, my best friend & her folks over to hang out. we drank beer, played games all night, wore silly hats & basically had a really fantastic time. i think that was my fav bc it was completely low-pressure & no stress. i'm just not cool enough for new year's, i guess.

anyways, last year i spent the night pregnant & asleep. also my plans for this year, since N is working. actually, who am i kidding... even if he were off, i'd still be asleep. i just don't like new year's.

a sleep update

we've moved the boys' bedtime back to 8 , & are letting them nap later in the day, which seems to be working better for all of us so far. They're sleeping 8pm-5am, waking for a bottle, & then going back to sleep til around 8am. & their naps during the day are totalling around 3hrs, so they're getting close to the right amount of sleep, & what's more-- they are putting themselves to sleep!!! we do bottles, a little cuddling & then into their cribs awake/semi-awake, & after a bit of "talking" to eachother, they've been going to sleep! minimal fussing, no crying... it's heaven!
we haven't changed a thing, other than timing. i think they're just ready & i am thrilled that they're doing this on their own. we still have bad nights (as evidenced by my CIO post below) but all kids do, & i think they're mostly attributable to teeth, or tummy aches, or just a plain old bad night for no reason. i'm sure there will still be some back & forth, but i think overall we're making forward progress, & CIO played no part in it. Proof, in my mind, that CIO is soooo NOT the be all & end all of sleep solutions. we may have had (& will have) a few more sleepless nights, but the boys feel secure & loved, know that mom & dad are always here when they need us, minimal hysterics were involved, & the boys get to move at their own pace when THEY decide they're ready. all of which is totally worth a little less sleep for the grown-ups, in my mind.
i also think giving them each a special crib toy helped. val loves his glow-sea-horse (now known as "glowy".... we really need to work on more creative names for these things.) & will use the glow-horse as company, or to help soothe himself back to sleep. it's pretty cute-- i find him curled up with glowy the horse all the time at naps. :) conrad's toy has varied, i really need to get him his own special toy, but i haven't found one yet that says "conrad" to me...

another list, bc i really, really like lists.

update on the sleep situation-- it's teeth... low fever, lots of drool, chewing. definetly teeth. they just haven't popped thru yet & i don't see the tell-tale white bumps under his gums, but i'm pretty sure it's lurking teeth. poor little dude!

we're opening 529 accounts for the boys (& hopefully #3), which makes me happy. i've really wanted to start college funds for them for a long time, & we finally have some funds to get going with. yay us! :)

a private blog i read is currently waiting to see if they just got "the call'-- they recently finished the adoption paper work etc, after almost 3 yrs of waiting & unsuccesssul IVF attempts, & i am sooooo hoping this is their baby. i know you all pry don't know who i'm takling about, (& if you do, out of respect for their privacy, please don't give away any idenitfying names, etc here), but they're an amazing family & will give any baby lucky enough to end up with them a wonderful home... if you're the praying sort, please spare a thought for them tonight. i'm on pins & needles waiting to hear.

i took our birds in for a nail trim today at our vet. (they have a bird-guy who comes in to do grooming. bc our birds hold grudges, & hate to get their nails done, we don't clip them ourselves.) usually i go back into a private room with them while they get trimmed, but i had to run next door to get their pellets today & didn't want them in the cold any longer than they had to be, so i sent them in back without me. when i got back, they guy brought them out followed by a bunch of vet techs, all oooing & aaahing over how beautiful they are, & how well behaved. they're pretty uncommon parrots (we live in a pretty populated area & go to an avian vet, but we're still their only white-bellied caique patients), & while they're pretty good birds, I would NOT classify them as incredibly well-behaved. of course, i loved the compliments, but it was kind of like hearing how good your kids have been for some one else, after they spent the day being holy terrors for you.

odd kitty news: my cat digger has decided he loooves banana chips (unsweetened- they are super gross. we buy them for the birds, & they birds throw them at the cats.), & cheerios (which the babies throw at the cats). & felon the cat loooves yogurt melts. rafter, however, is a true conneisuere, & helped himself to leftover bacon grease N left out overnight. you'd think we were starving them, but i swear they eat better than we do!

i am super excited for the boys' first christmas. i know they're really young, but it is so fun to have kids at christmas time! N is a total grinch & i am the exact opposite-- christmas music since thanksgiving, loads of decorations, i even like holiday shopping. :) & having the boys around make it all that much more fun... even N is getting into the spirit a little!

a CIO nightmare

so in a sleep-deprived fueled horrible decision, i gave in to N & tried to let val CIO last night at midnight (this was after a 4 hr cycle of comforting him, only to have him cry all over again when i put him in his crib), & it was awful. i HATE CIO. hate it. it will NEVER be attempted in our house again. i get that some people think its just great, but i pretty much think those people are on crack. (i don't mean the "he fusses for 5 minutes, then falls asleep CIO", i mean the half hour later "oh, he'll cry himself out" kind of CIO.) it's just cruel. how any one can watch their child scream for that length of time is beyond me. one of my goals as a parent is to make my children feel secure & loved, & CIO just screams abandonment to me. i know i might piss alot of folks off by saying this, but i think it's true-- it's just lazy parenting. you're tired, & can't figure out what they need, or you're exhausted & annoyed that they need you to comfort them, so you let them cry. i mean, really, if they need YOU, well, that's pretty easy to give, isn't it?
do what works in your house, but in our house there will be NO more CIO. ever. period.

so here's what happened last night: val has had a couple nights of horrible sleep. i don't know why. wasn't hungry, not teething, no fever, dry diaper, just wouldn't/couldn't sleep. so he just wouldn't go down last night, & after hours of snuggling him to calm/sleepy state & then laying him down, I gave in to N. (i try to let him try out some of his parenting choices.... he IS their dad, & parenting is a lot of trial & error. & some of his ideas have been really good. this just wasn't one of them. anyways...) i let val cry for 3 minutes, then got up & rubbed his back, made soothing noises, etc, for the next half hour. the poor baby SCREAMED the entire time. if i wasn't near, he's cry until he couldn't breathe, but if i was near, he'd at least take breaths. the hysteria just mounted tho, until finally i was in tears too & picked up my poor baby, who hid his face in my neck & held on to me like his whole life depended on it. CIO? never, never again. i cuddled him all the way to sleep & he slept til 6, when he got up for a bottle & then we got him up at 730 with conrad in an attempt to get them both back on schedule.

i don't know why he's having trouble sleeping all of a sudden, but regardless of how long it takes, we will be persisting with the peaceful go-to-sleep methods forever after.

...

tired, so tired, but must study for final tonight at 630. blah.

round 3 of antibiotics is pending for this stupid infection that won't go away. please cross some fingers that it works, as i'm afraid the next step is catheterization & iv drugs, & that would suck monkey balls.

make that elephant balls if its over the holidays.

a list of random thoughts (bc i like lists)

• i love the price is right. it's cheesey & the prizes are totally screwy & i just love it. i used to watch with my gram when i was small, my roommate jess & i watched thru law school, & now i watch during the boys' morning nap while doing laundry. there is just something satisfying about watching total strangers go ape-sh*t over a portable electric fireplace & a collection of hot pink high heels. & then of course, there's those who pretty much go into caridac arrest after hearing "how about a new car!" i love it. long live the price is right!

• my grandpa sent us our first christmas ham this year. he sends one every year to my folks, & i guess now that we have kids, we qualify as a "family" in need of a christmas ham. which is awesome, bc the hams are super delicious. so i called my dad ASAP to claim christmas for our ham. they'll just have to find some other occasion for theirs!

• i really need to get to the post office this week. i have to mail presents to VA, & NC & i have a pile of baby jeans, sleep sacs, etc for ms. mandy's baby n that are staring at me as i type. plus, i need christmas stamps to send out our holiday cards.

• i feel mariginally better today, athough my back is still hurting (it's not a muscle pain, it's something internal & seriously uncomfortable & annoying). but i was able to eat this morning, so i think that's helping. i'm hopeful i'll get the results of all my tests today, so they can do something about whatever is wrong. i'd really like to be feeling like myself for christmas. maybe i'm just anemic or something... that would be a nice, easy fix.

• my brother is supposed to be on his way in today from IL. i'll believe it when i see him, but i'm hopeful he'll make it this time, if only for my parents' sake.

• the boys have their second round of H1N1 shots this afternoon. we're on the waitlist for the seasonal. (our county is out of the infant seasonal shots, although they have plenty of the other kind... sigh.) i'm hopeful that by some miracle the seasonal will be in & we can get both, but i'll settle for the H1N1.

meltdowns at the holiday party

N, me & the boys (playing with a paper plate)

me & my poor sweet con man

my aunt had our family christmas party last night, & it was the first time most of the extended fam met the dudes. my family is huge & noisy & ADORES babies, so i had no doubt the dudes would be well-recieved no matter what they did, but i was a little anxious about how the boys would react. we've kept them pretty cloistered, at first for fear of immature immune systems, & then bc of flu season, so crowds are a totally new experience for them.

last time we were in a big group (at N's parents') val had a meltdown, & this time it was conrad's turn. & wow, did he ever lose it. so i spent the first hour i was there trying to soothe a hysterically screaming baby. he finally screamed himself to sleep, & woke up a half hour later all smiles. at which point N graciously offered to take over. figures. val was totally charming & got played musical baby all night. & con man finally calmed down enough to go to my aunts' for a while (my mom's sisters, all of whom look & sound like her, so i'm sure that helped).

crawling babies, shaking kitties & cheating tigers

my life is uneventful lately. except conrad finally doing some scooting! it's like an inch-worm-- he tucks up his butt, then stretches with his arms. very cute :) i'm sure he'll be fully mobile soon, & then i'll be in trouble. & digger keeps having seizures. they don't seem to bother him, but they sure freak me out & i'm thinking he might need a vet trip soon. the CH (cerebellar hypoplaysia. it's like kitty cerebral palsy) isn't degenerative, so i doubt it's related, but the escalating frequency has me a little worried. & the birds need to go in for a nail trim, since miss scout is prone to foot problems as a legacy of her early months in her prior home.

in discussing tiger's infidelity recently with N, i've found out all kinds of things i didn't really want to know about people we know. it amazes me how many people cheat. especially people i like & respect(ed), who seem to have really happy families. cheating is pretty endemic is N's profession, as it was in the legal field (or at least, in the big firm world. i can't speak for other lawyers.) but it was an atmosphere i hated. it always made me feel like i was a party to their lying, especially when i knew their wives. (i know women cheat too, but if the women i knew were cheating, they were much more discreet about it.)
& i just don't buy the "sex addicition" excuse. bullsh*t. the average man doesn't get to use that excuse, so why is it valid for the rich & famous? & i think the reasons for cheating are probably as varied as the reasons for getting married. some are probably better than others, but is there ever a "good" reason to cheat? i doubt it. why then, why do people cheat? it's a debate N & i have been having for awhile now... what do you all think?

poop

today has been all about poooooooop.

apricots do not agree with the valinator. nuff said.

some recent pics, just for fun...

the cats have decided that under the tree is their new fav hidey hole. which, od course, only makes it all the more attractive a locale for the dudes. sigh.... here's rafter (aka chunk) being cozy & cute.

finger painting with edible finger paints (i used gerber yogurt with food coloring, but yu could also use pudding.) the dudes LOVED this-- kept them occupied for almost a half hour, which is pretty much unheard of. the con man especialy got into it, & COVERED his plate, then ripped it off his tray & covered the back, all while yelling joyfully. val very methodically covered every inch he could reach & then carefully smeared it all together, taking it all very seriously.

& i just love this picture. (yes, they're wearing hoodies over their jammies. it was cold!!)

family drama (on both sides)

i forgot to RSVP to N's cousin's baby shower. which was today. crap. obviously i wasn't going, but i did mean to call. it's for one of the cousins who aren't very nice to us (in fact, are pretty damn rude) & who are openly hostile to N's parents. & its the daughter of N's most evil aunt. she has nothing nice to say about us or our kids, & i can take the sh*t about me, but not about my sons. & bc i don't want to start a family war, i just avoid them at all costs. although i might have just caused more problems by spacing on the whole shower thing since now they actually have a reason to dislike me. crap. i guess i'll send a belated gift & apology?
i hate family politics.
why can't N just have a normal family? i mean, mine isn't perfect, (see below), but for the most part, we all get along & if there's a problem it's addressed, not left to fester for 20 yrs before exploding in an huge fight in which unforgiveable things are said.

in other crappy family news, my brother is supposed to come home next week. he lives in IL where he is "finishing school" with his evil ex(?) girlfriend, & NEVER comes home, & only speaks to my folks when he needs something (usually $). i love my brother, but i hate how he treats our family. the last time he came home was when the boys were in the NICU, & he had the flu. his arrival caused a big fight between my mom & me, bc she didn't understand why i wouldn't let him in to see the boys. it still pisses me off, to be honest, but i'm trying to accept my mom's blind spot when it comes to her son. (& honestly, i understand better now having sons of my own, but still...)
anyways, R (the brother) has a knack for ruining holidays. for example-- when i was in college he got tanked on christmas eve, came home & puked all over everyone's christmas presents, then tried to tell us over the reek of booze-vomit that it was from "bad cupcakes". sigh.... only my mom bought that one. 2 yrs ago, he promised to come home, making my mom all excited (bc she always believes him) & then cancelled at the last minute to attend his girlfriend's family christmas instead (also in MI) where he again proceeded to booze it, although he did stop by for about 15 mins. to drop off their dogs for my folks to watch. & then last year, he again promised to come & then bailed at the last minute (literally on christmas morning) which crushed my mom & ruined everyone's day.
without going in to details, N's younger sister also pulls similar sh*t every holiday, so after last year's fiasco, we announced that we would be having all holidays at our house & if any one would like to come, they could, but we were going nowhere & waiting on no one.

R was supposed to come home 2 weeks ago, but (as always) cancelled at the last minute (10am of the morning he was supposed to arrive) claiming car trouble. he says he took his truck to the dealer & asks my folks to send $250 to cover costs. my dad transfers the money & 2 weeks later (yesterday) confides in me that R still hasn't pulled it out of his account. what dealership is going to let a check sit for 2 weeks? sigh....

i love my brother, & so does everyone who meets him. he's funny & just generally charming & really fun to be around. he is also completely unreliable, a habitual liar, & incredible selfish. please understand-- i don't want any one bashing my brother or my family. i worry about R & the effect his behavior has my mom & on his own life, but you can't help those who don't want to be helped, & i just had to vent somewhere.

the christmas hunt

i've been chipping away at my christmas shopping, i got the big ticket items on black friday, & have been doing bits & pieces since. this afternoon my mom is watching the dudes so my dad & i can hit the local shadow art fair. (http://www.shadowartfair.com/) it's a really funky local crafts fair held my my fav brewery in charming depot town. (depot town is where the old train depot was. & still is, but it's no longer functional. now, it's just the name for a few blocks in ypsi that's home to almost al my fav local things.) kind of a bummer to be hitting the brewery, since my dad's on the wagon & i'm preggo, but i'm thinking i can pick up some cool unique gifties. or hoping, anyways.
i love christmas shopping. i love hunting for gifts, i love the wrapping, i even love the crowds. i know i'm nuts, i'm just a holiday junkie & i'm so excited i can do my own shopping this year, after having to rely on poor N last year, since i was couch-bound.
& i really have nothing more exciting to say today. it's been a peaceful morning. happy saturday kids!

i should be napping right now. (a confession)

i was up with val from midnight til around 230 this morning & then we all got up at 5, bc, well, its just one of those days. the boys lasted until almost 9 & then went down for a nap, but i was so hungry i had to eat rather than sleep. & i could lay down now & try to snooze til they wake up, but instead i'm here & planning on taking the dudes to ikea with my mom when they wake up. i think we need to get out more while we still can (the threat of bedrest if hanging over me) & i think as long as i allow no strangers to touch them & am militant with the hand sanitizer, we should be safe. (fingers crossed.)

i posted something on another blog & its been making me feel incredibly guilty, so i feel compelled to explain myself. here's my confession: i don't like being pregnant. i know, i'm awful. we tried so hard to get (& stay) pg, & fought for every day past 26 weeks with our boys, & i should be grateful & love every minute of this. well, i am grateful, but i am SO not loving every minute of this. i didn't even love being pg with my dudes (who were planned). i loved the miracle of them, the knowledge that i was their source of life & comfort & nourishment for so long. i loved that i got to know them before they were born, but the day to day of pregnancy sucks for me. i hate being sick, i hate being tired, i hate the awkwardness, the giant clumsy body, the aching joints. i hate that my body is no longer my own.

don't get me wrong, all those complaints are sacrifices i'll gladly make for a healthy child, & i know i'll miss the ability to bear more children when N & i are finally done growing our family (hypocritcal, isn't it?) i love the end result of pg & i love that i can, after out losses & struggles, carry & grow our children myself, but i still don't like beign pregnant. it's kind of like that obnoxious sibling, who you love but don't like. well, that's how i feel about pregnancy-- i love it, but i don't like it.

Fun with Pictures: Twins vs. Singleton, Part I

13 weeks with the twins

13 weeks with a singleton (thanks amanda for the shirt!)

8 weeks with twins (& rafter, aka chunk the cat clawing my leg)

8 weeks with a singleton (with scouty chewing on my fingers, & yes, that's a baby bump, i'm not that plump normally!) there are no pics between weeks 8 & 13 with this pg, bc i am lame. i'll try to document better in the future, but i was flaky with pics for the twins too... regardless, i thought i few comparison shots throughout would be fun (for me at least!)