Saturday, August 28, 2010

just because

i haven't posted any pics of the little squiggle in a while. i'm so in love with this girl it's silly. :)

Friday, August 27, 2010

a ruby wedding

my parents hae been married 40 years sunday. i know, 40 years!! we're celebrating tonight, along with my mom's birthday, which is today. 40 yrs... it's SUCH a long time.... kind of boggles the mind. :)

Friday, August 20, 2010

i love you (now give me a hug & tell me how great i am)

N & i were watching some tv thing the other day (dateline? 20-20? something brilliant like that) & they had a story on how comedians tend to be depressed & learned to be funny bc they equated attention with love. which got us talking about what says "love" to us.
for N, it's always been physical contact. not just sex, but hugs, kisses, cuddles-- just some sort of touch. (i know, weird in a macho cop dude, right?) but his theory is bc he got so little physical expressions of love as a kid, so he craves it now as an adult. makes sense, right? & for me, i think for a long time love=praise. i spent most of my teenage years & young adulthood looking for accolades & attagirls. & i'm quite certain that's bc it was only when i had a major "achievement" that i got any attention from my dad. (altho i have to say my definition of love has changed since i've married & found some more confidence.) for a good friend of mine, love means being taken care of-- bills paid, car washed, dinner made, that kind of thing. she's an only child (by no means spoiled, but definetly doted on) so maybe that has something to do with her version of love.
so what is love for you? why? has your version of love changed over time?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

lord give me patience

tantrums. 2 at at time. bc if your brother is that pissed off, it must be a reason good enough for you to get furious too.

(heaves a huge sigh & goes back to her screaming, flailing sons.)

Monday, August 2, 2010

why i love being a mom: reason #237

a disclaimer: i love all my kids the same, but with 3 babies in the house, private moments with any one child are rare & i treasure them.

conrad has started an odd bit of sleep regression this past week, where he goes down fine, but is up 20 mins later, screaming bloody murder. since you all know i do NOT do CIO, we've been going back in to help soothe him to sleep. actually, it's been N all week until last night, bc i'm usually feeding emma when he goes off. last night however, N was at his limit for crying boys & em wasn't eating yet, so i went up & had one of those mommy moments you dream about before you have kids.

conrad was my second baby, but the first one i held. a few hours after their birth, when we were all stable enough to see each other, they took me in on the gurney to see my babies & handed me conrad. for the few moments i held him alone, before they handed me val too, conrad was all i could see. the doctors, the nurses, the alarms, N & my parents, everyone disappeared & the whole world consisted of my beautiful boy at peace in my arms.

last night, i scooped him out of his crib, sweaty & sobbing, & rocked him while he hiccupped himself calm, & then just held him quietly while his brother slept next to us. & for a few moments my beautiful boy was my whole world again.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

bc i started it...

(& feel i need to stay semi-public to stay accountable) a random update on my weight-- down to 138!

& i can fit into my pre-emma jeans! altho i really want those last 18 lbs GONE.