so in a sleep-deprived fueled horrible decision, i gave in to N & tried to let val CIO last night at midnight (this was after a 4 hr cycle of comforting him, only to have him cry all over again when i put him in his crib), & it was awful. i HATE CIO. hate it. it will NEVER be attempted in our house again. i get that some people think its just great, but i pretty much think those people are on crack. (i don't mean the "he fusses for 5 minutes, then falls asleep CIO", i mean the half hour later "oh, he'll cry himself out" kind of CIO.) it's just cruel. how any one can watch their child scream for that length of time is beyond me. one of my goals as a parent is to make my children feel secure & loved, & CIO just screams abandonment to me. i know i might piss alot of folks off by saying this, but i think it's true-- it's just lazy parenting. you're tired, & can't figure out what they need, or you're exhausted & annoyed that they need you to comfort them, so you let them cry. i mean, really, if they need YOU, well, that's pretty easy to give, isn't it?
do what works in your house, but in our house there will be NO more CIO. ever. period.
so here's what happened last night: val has had a couple nights of horrible sleep. i don't know why. wasn't hungry, not teething, no fever, dry diaper, just wouldn't/couldn't sleep. so he just wouldn't go down last night, & after hours of snuggling him to calm/sleepy state & then laying him down, I gave in to N. (i try to let him try out some of his parenting choices.... he IS their dad, & parenting is a lot of trial & error. & some of his ideas have been really good. this just wasn't one of them. anyways...) i let val cry for 3 minutes, then got up & rubbed his back, made soothing noises, etc, for the next half hour. the poor baby SCREAMED the entire time. if i wasn't near, he's cry until he couldn't breathe, but if i was near, he'd at least take breaths. the hysteria just mounted tho, until finally i was in tears too & picked up my poor baby, who hid his face in my neck & held on to me like his whole life depended on it. CIO? never, never again. i cuddled him all the way to sleep & he slept til 6, when he got up for a bottle & then we got him up at 730 with conrad in an attempt to get them both back on schedule.
i don't know why he's having trouble sleeping all of a sudden, but regardless of how long it takes, we will be persisting with the peaceful go-to-sleep methods forever after.
Commented on cafe..
ReplyDeleteTo each their own. As parents we do what feels right and works for us. We all have different tolerance levels and ways of doing things. As long as the kids are loved and well taken care of, you cannot go wrong.
ReplyDeleteI hope things iron themselves out soon...
~hugs~ I feel the same way about CIO...tried it with Liam when I was exhausted and sleep-deprived, and no, not good, I hated it, and he was SO distraught about it...I just couldn't bear to see my baby that upset...
ReplyDeleteI hope Val settles soon..
Lisa, seems to me like you are being very judgemental on Kate, I feel like I see it in almost every comment you make on her blog. I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but I just feel like you are subtly attacking her parenting style, and trying to make her feel like your way is the right way. In your answer here, I see you getting defensive, no need at all Lisa...she is saying she doesn't agree with it, I don't see her posting on your blog that CIO is awful, so maybe not post here that it's the end all and be all of great baby sleep?
Just saying what I am seeing.
I would like to apologize for my comment coming across as judgmental. It was not at all my intention. I was simply trying to say that whatever feels right to her is the right decision. Her kids are obviously very much loved.
ReplyDeleteI will refrain from leaving any more comments on this blog since I have obviously been targeted as a "judgmental Mom". I will once again apologize to everyone for coming across that way even though it was never my intention. We should all be able to have differences of opinions... but it seems that my differences are not accepted here...
Kate, I truly wish you and your gorgeous boys the best. Take care!
Not fun!! CIO doesn't happen often in this house. Never for more than 5 min, if it's longer than that something is wrong. Trust your gut
ReplyDeleteOh Kate! Sorry for the rough night. I don't have a lot of ideas, but it could be teeth or tummy issues maybe. When Noah cuts teeth it is a month long ordeal where he will have good days then 2 or 3 bad nights followed by maybe a week of good until the freaking tooth finally comes through. I know you said he isn't getting teeth but sometimes they bother them for weeks before they actually come through so maybe? If Noah has nights like you describe I will often give him Tylenol if nothing seems to work. I figure I would rather have occasional unneeded tylenol than have him sit uncomfy when I just don't realize it...and it seems to help more often than not. But some mommy's aren't comfortable with doing so.
ReplyDeleteAs for the CIO, Noah will not allow it. Some babies just don't go for it. And personally I just can't handle it either LOL. I guess there are kids that do great with it, but if Val isn't one of those babies, and you are not comfortable with it, don't feel pressured into doing it. I hope this was a one night deal for you.
hi ladies.... thanks for the support! we'll be ok, i'm betting it's an on-coming cold, or lurking tooth.
ReplyDelete& as a side note, i don't edit my comments-- as long as there is no name-calling, feel free to post whatever you want. but if people disagree, or don't like what you have to say, (& i must isert here that i have some awesome & very protective blogger friends), be aware i won't be editting those comments either. & lisa, yes, sometimes you do sound a bit self-righteous, but i do genuinely apreciate your kind wishes for my boys-- & wish the same to yours!
awww Kate, I'm sorry you and your sweet boy had a rough night. I can't get on board with CIO either. I've tried a couple times, but usually after like 10 minutes it breaks my heart and I'm certain he'll remember it and will be scarred for life. I just can't take it. Thinking about it even makes me choke a little.
ReplyDeleteMy sister does great with it, however. It took her 3 nights of the every 10 minutes checking in and soothing and they were sleeping through the night. It just doesn't seem worth it to me. She loves her sleep and has to work, so I think having to go to work is part of why she does it. And of course her kids sleep like angels now. whatever. even if i was promised a lifetime of happy sleeping babies for 3 nights of torture I can still confidently say that it isn't for me either.
also - my hubby keeps trying to push CIO too, whats up with that?!
Poor guy!! Sleepless nights are so hard - especially when we don't know why they aren't sleeping! I hope it gets better real soon. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Lisa, I didn't mean stop commenting at all, just that I was noticing a different, competitive, tone on this blog then I have seen from your comments on other blogs, and I wasn't sure if you were aware of it or not. That's all.
ReplyDelete