family drama (on both sides)

i forgot to RSVP to N's cousin's baby shower. which was today. crap. obviously i wasn't going, but i did mean to call. it's for one of the cousins who aren't very nice to us (in fact, are pretty damn rude) & who are openly hostile to N's parents. & its the daughter of N's most evil aunt. she has nothing nice to say about us or our kids, & i can take the sh*t about me, but not about my sons. & bc i don't want to start a family war, i just avoid them at all costs. although i might have just caused more problems by spacing on the whole shower thing since now they actually have a reason to dislike me. crap. i guess i'll send a belated gift & apology?
i hate family politics.
why can't N just have a normal family? i mean, mine isn't perfect, (see below), but for the most part, we all get along & if there's a problem it's addressed, not left to fester for 20 yrs before exploding in an huge fight in which unforgiveable things are said.

in other crappy family news, my brother is supposed to come home next week. he lives in IL where he is "finishing school" with his evil ex(?) girlfriend, & NEVER comes home, & only speaks to my folks when he needs something (usually $). i love my brother, but i hate how he treats our family. the last time he came home was when the boys were in the NICU, & he had the flu. his arrival caused a big fight between my mom & me, bc she didn't understand why i wouldn't let him in to see the boys. it still pisses me off, to be honest, but i'm trying to accept my mom's blind spot when it comes to her son. (& honestly, i understand better now having sons of my own, but still...)
anyways, R (the brother) has a knack for ruining holidays. for example-- when i was in college he got tanked on christmas eve, came home & puked all over everyone's christmas presents, then tried to tell us over the reek of booze-vomit that it was from "bad cupcakes". sigh.... only my mom bought that one. 2 yrs ago, he promised to come home, making my mom all excited (bc she always believes him) & then cancelled at the last minute to attend his girlfriend's family christmas instead (also in MI) where he again proceeded to booze it, although he did stop by for about 15 mins. to drop off their dogs for my folks to watch. & then last year, he again promised to come & then bailed at the last minute (literally on christmas morning) which crushed my mom & ruined everyone's day.
without going in to details, N's younger sister also pulls similar sh*t every holiday, so after last year's fiasco, we announced that we would be having all holidays at our house & if any one would like to come, they could, but we were going nowhere & waiting on no one.

R was supposed to come home 2 weeks ago, but (as always) cancelled at the last minute (10am of the morning he was supposed to arrive) claiming car trouble. he says he took his truck to the dealer & asks my folks to send $250 to cover costs. my dad transfers the money & 2 weeks later (yesterday) confides in me that R still hasn't pulled it out of his account. what dealership is going to let a check sit for 2 weeks? sigh....

i love my brother, & so does everyone who meets him. he's funny & just generally charming & really fun to be around. he is also completely unreliable, a habitual liar, & incredible selfish. please understand-- i don't want any one bashing my brother or my family. i worry about R & the effect his behavior has my mom & on his own life, but you can't help those who don't want to be helped, & i just had to vent somewhere.