a stunted blog

i feel sort of tongue-tied on this blog. i started writing on the old one with the intent that it wold be an outlet, kind of like an online journal, so it didn't matter if anyone other than me ever read it. i think i need to start thinking that way again or i may never write again. things have been happening in life that i could blog about, but this blog feels new & weird. it's silly, but the old one was like an old friend i could go confide in, & the conversation has become stunted & awkward since i moved here.

so in the interest of shaking off some dust & getting going, i'm going to ramble for a bit--

i'm still sort of on new-baby-autopilot. emma sleeps about 3 hrs at a stretch, but won't go down until around 1 in the morning. 9-1 is her fussy &/or awake time. so while i'm not totally sleep deprived (nothing like with the boys) i'm not at my sharpest either. i'd have to say overall that having 1 kiddo at a time is WAY easier than 2 (duh). i know this is seriosuly obnoxious of me to say, but it makes me wonder what parents of singletons are complaining about. yeah, every kid can be difficult, but one kid being difficult is a piece of cake. (i'm sure this statement will come back to bite me some day when i think i'm in for a peaceful time with just one of the kids. karma works like that.) or maybe it's that this is our 3rd, & a full term baby & we're just more confident in our own parenting this time around.

N has em right now, & the boys are napping, & altho it's nice (i guess) to have my self to myself, it feels almost wrong not to have a child attached to me somewhere. weird, right?

10 reasons i love my life right now (or: a break from the whiney preggo rants)

1. conrad is GAINING weight! he's spunkier than ever & definetly feeling his wheaties lately, & i am SO thrilled. val has his playmate back, & both my guys are on the growth charts! :)



2. i got the start of my garden today.



3. N & i got to go to breakfast all by ourselves this morning, thanks to my wonderful mom. i can't remember the last time we went anywhere together without kids. it was awesome.



4. N finally opened up about what's been stressing him. (the expense of another baby. i figured that was it, but am glad he finally TALKED to me about it. we re-did our budget & planned out our next few months & i think he's feeling more in control again.)



5. despite my total lack of confidence in my looks lately & the fact that i've gained a ton of weight, lots more stretch marks & permanent dark circles under my eyes, for about an hour today my husband made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.



6. the guys are learning so much lately, everyday they find something new & it is an absolute joy to watch them discover the world.



7. we got our first peek at 3's face. there was still an arm thrown across it, but from what i could see, 3's going to be pretty cute!



8. we have (almost everything) we need for 3!!

9. N is marinating ribs right now for a bbq tomorrow :)

10. i actually had a few spare moments to reflect on how incredibly lucky i am to live this life. uplifting introspective moments have become rare for me lately, & it was nice to be reminded how lucky we really are.

random recent pics, bc i have nothing clever to say

the guys, digging into some quinoa. (i've been on a quinoa bender lately. i don't know why, since it doesn't have a ton of taste on its own, i'm just addicted.) the dudes enjoy it too, & enjoy making a mess of it even more (see conrad's face, below.)

playing in their old tub, yesterday with digger the cat. it was one of *those* days... nothing kept them happy for long; they were both had serious cases of the WHINES all day long. a down side to twins-- when one has an "off" day, the other invariably decides to join him as a cohort in grumpiness. so i got creative & tried to dig up a bunch of "new" things for them to do (i.e. letting them get soaked & make a mess in the living room) in an attempt to forestall the whining for a while. it sort-of worked. we made it through the day, anyways.

& yes, i should pry bust out another belly-comparison pic for #3. i'll try to get one up this weekend. i really feel pretty good-- all the usual 3rd tri aches & pains & swelling (really-- can you believe we're in the 3rd tri already? i think i'm still in shock.) but scads better than i felt with the dudes at any point in time.

i'm starving (again) so i'm off to rustle up some more grub while the guys are still napping... hopefully i have another hour or so before they're up. long naps rock!!

strollers, funerals, life generally...

thanks for not making me feel like a cow ladies! i don't know how i was "tiny" with twins since they were born so darn big. it must have been the whole "1st" pregnancy thing. (well, not really first, but first that went that far....) & i was certainly not small by 33 weeks... i'm scared to think how huge i would have gotten. especially now knowing the total havoc the dudes wrecked on my poor body. not that i regret it at all, but still.. ouch. my joints never recovered, nor did my back, & bikinis? yeah, those days are over-- i have stretch marks on my calves, for pete's sakes! :)

ANYWAYS-- i feel super accomplished today. we picked up the "big" odds & ends we needed for #3. we got a singleton stroller, another pack n' play (a must for travel for us & we do take enough overnight trips to warrant it), & we have a crib & dresser/changing table coming from some friends. so now we jusst need another diaper genie, a wrap that i actually like (recomendations welcome!), a glider and another diaper bag (i have one picked out, i just need to order it. & ONE diaper bag is barely sufficient for twins, let alone 3 little goobers under 2!)
& in less fun shopping news, i got an outfit to wear to my grandfather's memorial. i needed everything down to tights & shoes... i had zero appropriate maternity things that were nice enough for a fancy funeral in a super conservative small town.

we also were able to finalize the memorial plans for next saturday. we think they're going to have to move it to the fairgrounds bc so many people are coming, so the details are still in the air, but at least we can move forward now. (big yay here for small-town lawyers!) & the details are set for arlington on april 1st. bc he was a colonel, he gets to be buried with full honors-- air force band, escort platoon, taps, the caisson, 21 gun salute-- the whole 9 yards. my grandfather would have loved it. plus, my dad has been fielding a bunch of calls from my grandfather's veteran buddies, all of whom want to show up in uniform to honor him. makes me feel very proud, & happy for my grandpa-- he would have been tickled by all the fuss.

& that's been life the past few days.

i'm not ready

i am soooo not ready for another newborn.

val got up at 2 last night (this morning?) & was just miserable. nothing was really wrong with him, it was just one of those nights. (& i think he had to poop. he finally let one go around 6 & seemed to feel better after that.) anyways, i was on my own last night with the guys & usually, despite my b*tching here, i'm pretty patient with them at night when they're fussy, but last night around 4am i just cracked. i couldn't get the boy to stop crying, & was on the verge of tears myself, so i totally gave up on trying to put him back to sleep & just took him into the living room where we watched crappy tv & i let him play with the cats until he was too tired to keep his eyes open anymore.
of course, by that point conrad was up for the day.

the point of this story is that i am tired. very tired. i hate being this tired. i like sleep. newborns don't let you sleep. i am NOT ready for less sleep. i know it's not 3's fault, but we didn't plan on this kiddo right now, & i am so not in the mindset to be ready for another newborn. hopefully i get there in the next few months....

baby names

when we first started talking baby names during our first pregnancy (about 3 years ago... wow, how things change!) we decided to give each other complete veto power over any & all names. so if i had one i loved but N hated, he could veto it outright-- no compromises. & vice versa. we figured that way, when we finally agreed, it would be a name we both loved, instead of one of us feeling so-so about it, or not liking the middle name, etc, etc.
& it worked-- we both love the boys' names.
the downside is that we both have a couple favorite names that we know we'll never get to use. N for instance, loved the name Logan. which to me just sound too much like loogie, so i vetoed it. (plus, it's becomming a really common name, & we try to stick to less common stuff. i'm pretty sure val & conrad will be the only val & conrad in their kindergarten class, for instance.) & i always loved the name henry, but N nix'ed that right away. we both totally agreed on girls' names right away (go figure) so unless #3 is another boy, we don't have any well-loved but never-to-be-used girls' names.

so what was your name-picking process like? do you have any favorite names lurking out there that don't currently belong to your kids?

a post devoted to #3

the past couple days i've really been feeling alot more movement from #3. it's actually making me feel kind of excited about this baby. :)

in a burst of recent optimism, i'm also feeling surprisingly confident that we'll be able to handle 3 kids age 1 & under. i'm not entirely sure where its coming from, but i'll take it.

parents of triplets do it. so why can't i? i didn't know how i'd handle twins, & we figured it out. (mostly i learned that having the kids on a schedule is crucial, as is asking for help when you need it! it's also been important to remember that no one ever died from crying-- when you have multiples, there will be times when everyone is upset & you just can't be everything to everyone all the time.) anyways, i'm assuming that although we'll have days when we want to kill each other & sell the kids to the gypsies, eventually we'll figure things out & life will find a new rhythm. that's what i'm banking on, anyways. i'm sure i'll be singing a different tune once i'm actually dealing with 3 babies, but for now, i'm just going to run with the optimism.


in related news: we're still undecided on whether to find out the sex. our 20 week u/s is on the 19th, & altho i have appts between now & then, both our docs refuse to "guess" or even look before 20 weeks, so we have a little time to decide. we have a girl's name picked out, but none for a boy. no, it's not bc we're hoping for a girl, it's jsut that we "used up" all our boys' names on the dudes so we're starting from scratch with names if it's dude #3.

i've also decided that all we need for #3 is the following:
- a stroller (we're going to get a single to go with our double, rather than spending the really big bucks on a triple.)
- a glider. (i refuse to have another newborn in the house without some sort of rocker.)
- a wrap or sling or some sort. (i want to be able to wear this baby. in my head, that will help me spend the time with #3 & still have some hands free for the dudes. any recomendations guys?)

& that's it. we still have everything baby x2, so it's not a long list, although i'm sure i'll find things to add on as time passes, i think those are the only essentials.

9 month check up

& they're still on the preemie charts. which is ok.

size-wise, they're looking like they're 9 mos, but developmentally, they're more like 7 1/2 mos. which is perfect for their adjusted age. it's just so easy to forget (even for me) that they were in fact preemies, bc they're such darn BIG boys. which, in hidsight, i think is just them. they were born big, at what is considered "term" size for twins despite being 7 weeks early, so i think this is just what they would have looked like at 7 mos, had they been term. i think they're just big dudes, like their daddy.

doc was totally unconcerned, said they are right on track & we should be completely thrilled with how great they're doing. (& we are. doesn't stop me from looking forward to the day when they're all caught up!) he's also holding off on officially diagnosing val with asthma. we haven't had to resort to the albuterol since he's been healthy, so we just have to be careful to keep him that way & be watchful of his breathing.

in other less than cool news, their foreskins were also adhering to their penises. not cool. so they had to be pulled back, which the dudes hated (obviously) & N & i will have to keep up at home. if we can't resolve it ourselves, then we move onto a steroid cream, & if that doesn't work, they get re-circumsized. i am NOT happy about this, but we'll do what we need to. apparently adhesions like this are pretty common with circumsized babies, & our doc wasn't worried, but separating the adhesions is NOT pleasant for anyone. my poor little boys! we really want to avoid a re-circumcision tho, so will be keeping our fingers crossed the less invasive methods work.
i feel horrible that i didn't notice it was happening, but honestly i had no idea that wasn't what it was supposed to look like. i've never really closely examined a foreskin before, & i'm the one who always cleans them & stuff. so i feel kind of guilty, but i don't know how i would have known, you know? sigh... at least it's a fix-able thing.

& conrad finally got his second (& last) seasonal flu vaccine, so we are all covered (except N). yay!!!

& lastly, some stats: con was 29inches long & 18lbs 8oz, with a head circumf. of 18 1/4 inches. val: 28 inches long, 19lbs 10oz, & head circumf. of 18inches. they are, as always, prefect little dudes!

oh & i had a check on #3 today. he's just fine. :)

another list, bc i really, really like lists.

update on the sleep situation-- it's teeth... low fever, lots of drool, chewing. definetly teeth. they just haven't popped thru yet & i don't see the tell-tale white bumps under his gums, but i'm pretty sure it's lurking teeth. poor little dude!

we're opening 529 accounts for the boys (& hopefully #3), which makes me happy. i've really wanted to start college funds for them for a long time, & we finally have some funds to get going with. yay us! :)

a private blog i read is currently waiting to see if they just got "the call'-- they recently finished the adoption paper work etc, after almost 3 yrs of waiting & unsuccesssul IVF attempts, & i am sooooo hoping this is their baby. i know you all pry don't know who i'm takling about, (& if you do, out of respect for their privacy, please don't give away any idenitfying names, etc here), but they're an amazing family & will give any baby lucky enough to end up with them a wonderful home... if you're the praying sort, please spare a thought for them tonight. i'm on pins & needles waiting to hear.

i took our birds in for a nail trim today at our vet. (they have a bird-guy who comes in to do grooming. bc our birds hold grudges, & hate to get their nails done, we don't clip them ourselves.) usually i go back into a private room with them while they get trimmed, but i had to run next door to get their pellets today & didn't want them in the cold any longer than they had to be, so i sent them in back without me. when i got back, they guy brought them out followed by a bunch of vet techs, all oooing & aaahing over how beautiful they are, & how well behaved. they're pretty uncommon parrots (we live in a pretty populated area & go to an avian vet, but we're still their only white-bellied caique patients), & while they're pretty good birds, I would NOT classify them as incredibly well-behaved. of course, i loved the compliments, but it was kind of like hearing how good your kids have been for some one else, after they spent the day being holy terrors for you.

odd kitty news: my cat digger has decided he loooves banana chips (unsweetened- they are super gross. we buy them for the birds, & they birds throw them at the cats.), & cheerios (which the babies throw at the cats). & felon the cat loooves yogurt melts. rafter, however, is a true conneisuere, & helped himself to leftover bacon grease N left out overnight. you'd think we were starving them, but i swear they eat better than we do!

i am super excited for the boys' first christmas. i know they're really young, but it is so fun to have kids at christmas time! N is a total grinch & i am the exact opposite-- christmas music since thanksgiving, loads of decorations, i even like holiday shopping. :) & having the boys around make it all that much more fun... even N is getting into the spirit a little!

a CIO nightmare

so in a sleep-deprived fueled horrible decision, i gave in to N & tried to let val CIO last night at midnight (this was after a 4 hr cycle of comforting him, only to have him cry all over again when i put him in his crib), & it was awful. i HATE CIO. hate it. it will NEVER be attempted in our house again. i get that some people think its just great, but i pretty much think those people are on crack. (i don't mean the "he fusses for 5 minutes, then falls asleep CIO", i mean the half hour later "oh, he'll cry himself out" kind of CIO.) it's just cruel. how any one can watch their child scream for that length of time is beyond me. one of my goals as a parent is to make my children feel secure & loved, & CIO just screams abandonment to me. i know i might piss alot of folks off by saying this, but i think it's true-- it's just lazy parenting. you're tired, & can't figure out what they need, or you're exhausted & annoyed that they need you to comfort them, so you let them cry. i mean, really, if they need YOU, well, that's pretty easy to give, isn't it?
do what works in your house, but in our house there will be NO more CIO. ever. period.

so here's what happened last night: val has had a couple nights of horrible sleep. i don't know why. wasn't hungry, not teething, no fever, dry diaper, just wouldn't/couldn't sleep. so he just wouldn't go down last night, & after hours of snuggling him to calm/sleepy state & then laying him down, I gave in to N. (i try to let him try out some of his parenting choices.... he IS their dad, & parenting is a lot of trial & error. & some of his ideas have been really good. this just wasn't one of them. anyways...) i let val cry for 3 minutes, then got up & rubbed his back, made soothing noises, etc, for the next half hour. the poor baby SCREAMED the entire time. if i wasn't near, he's cry until he couldn't breathe, but if i was near, he'd at least take breaths. the hysteria just mounted tho, until finally i was in tears too & picked up my poor baby, who hid his face in my neck & held on to me like his whole life depended on it. CIO? never, never again. i cuddled him all the way to sleep & he slept til 6, when he got up for a bottle & then we got him up at 730 with conrad in an attempt to get them both back on schedule.

i don't know why he's having trouble sleeping all of a sudden, but regardless of how long it takes, we will be persisting with the peaceful go-to-sleep methods forever after.

meltdowns at the holiday party

N, me & the boys (playing with a paper plate)

me & my poor sweet con man

my aunt had our family christmas party last night, & it was the first time most of the extended fam met the dudes. my family is huge & noisy & ADORES babies, so i had no doubt the dudes would be well-recieved no matter what they did, but i was a little anxious about how the boys would react. we've kept them pretty cloistered, at first for fear of immature immune systems, & then bc of flu season, so crowds are a totally new experience for them.

last time we were in a big group (at N's parents') val had a meltdown, & this time it was conrad's turn. & wow, did he ever lose it. so i spent the first hour i was there trying to soothe a hysterically screaming baby. he finally screamed himself to sleep, & woke up a half hour later all smiles. at which point N graciously offered to take over. figures. val was totally charming & got played musical baby all night. & con man finally calmed down enough to go to my aunts' for a while (my mom's sisters, all of whom look & sound like her, so i'm sure that helped).

mental health report

thanks for all the kind thoughts & support yesterday...

my mom showed up & literally kicked me out of the house. so went to noodles & co, had a giant bowl of thai curry soup, which i ate very slowly, without anyone telling me to hurry (N) or crying (the dudes) & it was lovely. i was so tired i couldn't think of a darn thing to do with myself after that, & after an hour of sitting in my car contemplating life, decided i could handle a movie, so i went & watched a christmas carol in 3D, bc that was what was playing when i got to the show. & it was either surprisingly good, or i was so glad to be somewhere quiet & dark i would have liked anything i saw. & then i went home, had a glass of milk & passed out by 730. i don't think i spoke 10 words to N, not bc i was mad, but bc i was so exhausted. when i called this morning tho, i told him we should talk tonight & he seemed amenable.

let me just throw out there as well, N is a huge help. yes, he works alot & yes, he works long hours. on his off days he does take down time for himself, & it is well-deserved. he also helps with housework, does all the yardwork, & is great with the babies. the "daddy" issues we have are no more nor less than the "daddy" issues faced by most new parents. (dads just are not moms. if you don't know what i mean, then woopee for you, but i'm guessing most moms know just what i'm talking about.)

after some contemplation & a long talk with my own mom, i think the problem is not that i need more from N, but that i need some real time to myself. not just the occasional shower (which i consider personal hygiene, not down time) & not a solo trip to the grocery store (which is a chore, let's face it). i need "just me" time. & after complaining that i only really have one babysitter (my mom) i realized i also have N. (duh.) he gets "down time" on his days off, & darn it, i should too. just bc i'm home all the time doesn't mean i don't work. i do, & i work hard. the difference is i don't get any scheduled time off. there is no weekend for a SAHM. all i really need from N is a couple hours a week, where i can leave the house & do something entirely for me that involves not a single chore, & that is what we are going to talk about tonight.

(& for the record-- the boys sleep fine at night. it's the naps where we have trouble & they are making HUGE strides with our new nap routine. there is no CIO involved, & while we still ahve some "off" days, in general it is awesome. they're sleeping peacefully as i type! i really think the last straw for me was this new pg. it really takes a toll on a body, growing another person.)

i can't

i just can't today.

we woke at 530, to val screaming in his sleep. i couldn't get him back to bed, so he & i have been up since then. conrad got up at 7, and after breakfast, they both threw up everything they ate. no fever, no coughing, they seem fine. of course, this morning, i'm puking up everything i eat too.
val won't let me out of his sight. cries horribly everytime i go anywhere not in his line of vision. conrad is being his usual cheery self, but my poor vally is having a rough day.

none of this would matter any other morning, but somehow it does today. i am tired, i am run down, i am not eating well or enough, & i have been alone in the house with my babies since wednesday, & let's be honest, even when N is home mom doesn't get a break. actually, i dont know that any of that matters either, except for the fact thst i have reached some undefineable limit.

i am done. i just can't today, & i knew it when i burst into tears at the thought of another day alone in the house. i called my mom, who will be here shortly to spell me, so i can leave. i am not going grocery shopping, or accomplishing anything that needs doing. i just need to be, without my husband, without my kids, by myself.

do i feel guilty? yes. do i need this bad enough not to care? hell yes. i made it 7 1/2mos without a breakdown & i just can't anymore.

i'm hanging on by my fingernails right now, & i don't know how to make things better other than to try to preserve my mental health. funnily enough, before this pg, i was finally feeling like i was on top of things again- the boys & i had a nice routine going & even though it wasn't perfect, i was getting things done, staying on top of the housework, cooking decent meals again, having sex with my wonderful husband, and basically feeling like ME more often than not.

now, i mostly just feel beat down. the best i have every day goes to my boys, & by the time that's used up & the kids are in bed, there's just nothing left. nothing left for anything but the most essential chores, very little wife left for N & virtually nothing for myself.

i need a vacation.

later same day: my mom called to say she can't be here til after 3. i'm so tired i actually feel ill. i just don't know if its even worth going anywhere at this point, just to come home in 3 hrs bc its sunday & everything will close. plus i'm so tired, i'm not even sure driving is a good idea.

i'm so tired. i just feel broken. my poor boys.

fuck. fuck fuck fuck.

it's One of Those Days

let me begin by saying N is a wonderful father. he is attentive & loving & very involved. that said, here is what happened in our house this morning.
val wakes up at 6, con follows & both have no intention of going back to sleep. so i get up, grab val (who was yelling bc he can) so he'll shush, hand him to N (who is still in bed) & say "watch val" & go to get the living room baby ready, thinking i'll take the boys out & start the day so N can sleep in. i'm just finishing putting water on for tea, when i hear a thud & just *know*. so i go running back to the bedroom to find a very upset N trying to comfort a screaming val, who has (of course) fallen out of our bed. i grab val, just bc i know he'll calm down faster with mama, & say to N (& i'm not proud of this) "what did you do?" N admits he must have dozed off, & i calm down enough myself to realize he already feels crappy enough & tell N that it could have happened to anyone (& it could). val is none the worse for the wear, & now N is definetly up, so we all get up for the day.
we put the boys down for a nap around 8, both rack out until val has a monster poop (& i mean HUGE. the running-down-his-legs-exploding-out-the-back-all-the-way-up-to-his-neck kind of huge.) so i get up, (i had been trying to nap away a headache) & clean up val & ask N to give him a quick bath while i handle the laundry situation. instead of taking val out of the room where conrad is sleeping to bathe him, N bathes him next to con's bed. so now conrad is up.
we relocate the boys to the living room, & i ask N to watch them for a couple hours so i can nap. he agrees & i remind him to feed the boys the beef i've left out for them. we've talked before about how meat is a new texture for them & they need really little bites until they figure it out.
after being kept up by this stupid headache for an hour, i finally crash, only to be awakened at 10 by N searching for clothes bc conrad has puked up all his beef. i get up, & after quizzing N decide the problem was the monster bites daddy was feeding the dude. during this discussion, conrad also decides to blow out his diaper.
sigh.
i love my husband & he is a great dad. but sometimes i have to remind myself that he is trying & spends less time with them than i do, so there is a learning curve. sigh.

Doctor Update

Well, i was wrong about my betas, they were 53 & 187! so pretty decent. :)

we have a SINGLE interuterine gestational sac. (i love my twins, but 2 sets this close together might have killed me!) we're measuring a bit over 5 weeks, so it's pretty early. the doc thought he might see a little flicker of a hb, but its really too early to be sure, so we have a repeat u/s scheduled for the 19th, & will be keeping fingers crossed til then. it's still too early to really accurately date it, but it looks like our EDD will be sometime in June.

We leave tomorrow morning for chicago... i'm really sad about leaving my babies. i know my folks will take fantastic care of them, but it's so hard on me to be apart from them. i didn't think it would be this hard to leave. i know N & i need alone time & i am looking forward to that & this wedding should be a blast, but i'm going to miss my boys SO MUCH. :(

i forgot to mention...

val is turning into a devoted tummy sleeper. i promised myself that when they were old enough to roll onto their bellies & back & choose how they sleep that i wouldn't freak out if they chose to sleep on their tummies. con for sure prefers his back (arms over his head, legs straight out), but val likes his tummy. so far so good-- no freak out by mom, but daddy has had a few. the NICU folks really put the fear of God into us over SIDS. which is good, bc we've been very cautious about sleep habits, but it makes the time when they are old enough to control how they want to sleep kind of nerve racking. of course, we always put them down on their backs, but what can i say? the guy likes his tummy.

I LOVE my blender & other news

i do. it's awesome. i insisted N get me a new fancy one that was also a food processor, & i love it. it rocks. i make most of the dudes' baby food (except carrots & beets & spinach. something about nitrites (nitrates?) in the soil that is bad for babies. apparently Ger.ber picks carrots, etc. without it. ) anyways-- our old blender really hated peas & refused to blend them, & this one makes a beautiful pea puree. sometimes it's the little things in life that make you happiest. :)

i have to share a moment of triumph here too-- BOTH boys are napping peacefully in their CRIBS right now! woo-hoo!!!! i'm so excited about this, i can't even describe it. who knows how long it will last, but it's a definite step in the right direction.

i also had my first "i really must be pregnant" moment yesterday. i was driving back from the library, flipping radio channels & when a cheesy country song came on, not only did i listen to it, i bawled my eyes out. yup, i'm definetly KU. :P

i'll try to think up a more pithy post next time... i'm feeling sort of brain dead & chill lately.

p.s. if anyone who wants to start thinking healthy baby thoughts for our appt tomorrow, we'd be grateful!!!! nerves still haven't set in yet, but they're lurking in the background. thank goodness i'm busy.

FEED ME!

My kids love food. eating=fun in our house. (they are truly their father's boys!) anyways, here's some shots of the dudes enjoying their grub.

We're very into teething biscuits at the moment. Their approaches to eating them are totally different & they pretty much crack me up every time. Conrad dives in with gusto-- he turns the cookie around & around so that it's slimey all over, rubs it all over his face, & ends up with cookie in his ears, his hair, his eyebrows-- everywhere!

Val sucks on only one end of the cookie, & will only work that one end. he won't hold onto the slimey side, & if it falls, he insists that you hand him the dry end. And, as you can see, his face is clean as it can be when you're a baby eating a teething cookie.

When it comes to real grub however, the dude practically bathes in it. Here's Val covered in carrots. he likes to feed himself (i.e. knaw on a spoon he holds himself that is covered in food) so we end up with food on everything that's not covered by a bib.

& here's me & Conrad, who looooves his peas. Not only does he have peas up to his eyebrows in the picture, but he insisted on sucking all the peas off his fingers-- i guess they were too good to waste!

6 Month Dr. Visit Update

being cute in their high chairs :)
(yes, daddy was feeding them in front of the TV. mom made a "babies eat in the kitchen" rule this morning after finding dried rice cereal in the carpet.)

The boys' 6 mo. stats:

Conrad is 26 inches long, 17.25 in. head,16 lbs & .5 oz.

Val is 26 inches long, 17 in. head, 16 lbs & 7.5 oz.

:)

doc says they're prefect (of course) & developmentally are just about 6 mos., they're still on the preemie charts growth-wise, however. (although they're in the 90th precentile for height & 95th for weight, so i'm thinking by their 9 mo. check up they should be all caught up!)

& we got an ok to start on more foods. he actually said they can eat everything we eat, except honey, but including peanut butter & eggs. (obviously in a consistency that is not a choking hazard.) i'm ok with this, since recent research says withholding foods can actually cause allergies bc of the lack of exposure, but i was surprised to hear it's endorsed by the pedi's too. anyone else hear this?

so we started them on squash this morning, which they LOVED. i expected them to take a while to warm up to it, but they dove right in. :) if nothing else, my kids love to eat! they're also both napping at the moment. crazy. today is like a magical baby day where everything just seems to go right. :)

(of course, now i've jinxed myself.... we'll see...)

we're also doing the flu vaccines. both seasonal & H1N1. i just think it makes sense, especially since N comes into contact with SO many people (lots of whom are very dirty) bc of his job. so vaccines for the whole family this year. they did ok with their shots yesterday... always makes val a little cranky for the rest of the day, but he was back to his cheery self this morning.

A bunch of random thoughts....

- I've been doing a bunch of experimental cooking lately. I decided N in particular needs to eat healthier, so I'm enforcing some vegetarian meals & we're trying a bunch of new veggies. Tonight it's beets. :) He's being pretty tolerant of my experiments (some of which have been pretty good!) but I know for a meat & potatoes guy it's a big switch. Seriously, before I started cooking, his idea of a fresh veggies was to open a can of corn.

- I like being back in school. It makes me feel productive. Although the thought of starting a full-time program (which I'll have to do when I start the official dental hygiene program) makes me anxious... I hate the thought of leaving my dudes in any one else's care. It would be ok if I could get my mom to babysit... I know she plays with them, reads to them, makes sure they get outside time, etc, at least as much as I do. I just hate the idea of some one parking them in front of a TV or something. Yup, I'm a control freak.

- & at the risk of offending some folks, I have to have a mini-rant. (sorry guys!) It REALLY irks me when a mom of a singleton complains to me about how hard her life is with her ONE full-term baby. How the little one sleeps though the night at 6 weeks, but gee whiz, mom still feels tired. How they just can't get anything done bc they have to carry around their little one, etc, etc. Come on, people. We did feedings every hour and a half when our TWO came home. At 3 months old, we were still feeding every 3 hours. You have to carry your kid around? Lucky you. It is a rare moment when I have the luxury to just hold one of my dudes, without also having to entertain the other one. We treasure every minute of one on one time, & you complain bc you have nothing but one on one time. I know life with newborns is hard. It's supposed to be. They're babies, for pete's sake. I just wish people had some perspective. Parents of multiples & parents of preemies have exponetially more work & guilt & worry, so please don't expect sympathy from us. I can empathize with newborn woes; I'm not a total jerk. But don't expect me to "poor baby" you.

- I have to go shopping for a dress to wear to my friend's wedding soon. They are 2 of our favorite people, & there is no way we're missing this one, even though it's in Chicago & we're still freaked out about layoffs. (The fact they're moving to Madrid afterwards also has something to do with this!) Anyways.... I am so not looking forward to buying a dress. I HATE the little tummy I've acquired... drives me nuts. (Yes, I'm working on it, but it's not gone yet!) & a bunch of my old work cronies will be there, so I want to look totally amazing so I can not only rub in their faces how happy I am since I left that horric job, but how great I look after having twins. (I know this is incredibly petty of me, but at least I'm honest!) The only downside to my plan is that I don't look that amazing yet.... sigh... so I need to find a dress that will help....

- I kinda want to chop my hair into a long bob. I've had layers forever, & want a change form just growing it out. Any opinions? I'll see if I can finda recent picture of me with my hair down....

ok, here are some pics... not the best, but you can see my hair. (the first one was after I accidentally spilled a glass of wine all over me & con man)this one is with my cousin... i'm too lazy to crop him out, but you can still see my hair, i think.