every scrap of clothing in our house needs to be washed. plus, in a burst if nesting fervor yesterday, i pulled out a bunch of newborn stuff to be washed & folded for 3. (dragging giant tupperware tubs of baby clothes up from our basement after spending hours wandering ikea in a fruitless search for a shelf= bad idea.) i started the wash this morning with puke/pee laundry bc it was stinkiest, & next up is N's mountain of work shirts, (also very stinky), altho to be honest i was seriously tempted to just set fire to his sh*t on the lawn this morning.
i think i've finally hit the super grumpy, exhausted, everything & everyone pisses me off stage of pregnancy.
pretty much all of my patience & smiles are used up on the boys, so by the time i see N at the end of the day i have nothing left, & it's taking a toll.
he was such a b*tch yesterday for unknown reasons. (my guess is that the man is feeling the stress of being totally unready for the pending baby, etc, but bc he is who he is, he will admit to nothing & will just act like a big jerk rather than own up to feeling anxious.) so after trying to cheer him up, offering to help with his "chores", & failing to elicit anything but snide remarks, i gave up & was pretty much annoyed with him all day.
& then i dreamt last night that he had an affair. woke up crying & furious with him. yeah, yeah, it was a dream, but i was still pissed.
aside from general stress, i think part of our pissiness towards each other is actually due to the lack of love life lately. not from lack of desire on any one's part, but bc i am TIRED. by the time N gets home, i have been up since 6 with 2 small men hanging on me ALL day (the guys are going thru a very clingy stage) & the thought of another human trying to touch me pretty much makes my skin crawl. by that point, i don't even want the cats in my lap, & by the time we get the kids to bed, i am usually laying on the couch, drinking water & fending off the BHC that get ever more frequent & uncomfortable throughout the day so i can finally go to sleep.
& due to our awesome procrastinating, on his days off, the "must-do" list is so long that the "want-to" list never gets done. plus, the added grumpiness on his part definetly does NOT make me want to rip his clothes off.
yeah, i know-- this too shall pass, blah, blah, blah.
i think my larger problem at the moment is just that i've hit the frantic, must prepare, grumpy & exhausted for no reason part of this pregnancy. & the fact that i can accomplish none of the things i want to get done without help (stupid broken foot) is driving my type A self absolutely batty. grr.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
they called the cops on us!
when i went to the doc yesterday for my foot, N was able to take a couple hours off work to watch the guys. since it was the middle of the day & he was going right back out on the road, he didn't put on street clothes, just stayed in uniform & drove his cruiser home. so the cruiser was parked in front of our house for maybe 2 1/2 hours, during which time our incredibly nosy neighbor came out of his house, circled the car, stared at the house & wrote down the cruiser's plate number, & called the post to report the car. i'm not really sure what he thought would happen, but he apparently thought the fact that a cop car was parked for 2 hours in front of a house was a big deal.
N's supervisor was, of course, completely aware of where N was & what he was doing, & told the guy that he was aware of the location of the car as well as his trooper, at which point the guy got beligerant with the sergeant, yelled some obscentities & hung up.
really?
i mean, really?
this is what our neighbors do with their time?
does it not occur to people that employees of the state (yes, i mean police) also get time off for things like family emergencies & lunch?
i assumed the guy was being nosy & wanted to know what was up, thinking there was some kind of illegal stuff going on, & N pointed out that maybe the guy thought i was having some kind of illicit affair with a cop while my devoted husband was gone at work. (i suggested we actually put that theory to practice before he went back to work, but like the good trooper he is, he refused to indulge my little fantasy... alas!) anyways, mostly i think the guy was just a nosy jerk.
i really dont' get people sometimes. whatever happened to being good neighbors?
N's supervisor was, of course, completely aware of where N was & what he was doing, & told the guy that he was aware of the location of the car as well as his trooper, at which point the guy got beligerant with the sergeant, yelled some obscentities & hung up.
really?
i mean, really?
this is what our neighbors do with their time?
does it not occur to people that employees of the state (yes, i mean police) also get time off for things like family emergencies & lunch?
i assumed the guy was being nosy & wanted to know what was up, thinking there was some kind of illegal stuff going on, & N pointed out that maybe the guy thought i was having some kind of illicit affair with a cop while my devoted husband was gone at work. (i suggested we actually put that theory to practice before he went back to work, but like the good trooper he is, he refused to indulge my little fantasy... alas!) anyways, mostly i think the guy was just a nosy jerk.
i really dont' get people sometimes. whatever happened to being good neighbors?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
why i don't tell people we used clomid. (or, shut up & mind your own business)
i'm not ashamed or embarassed that we used clomid to concieve our boys. after the loss of our second son, i had a uterine infection from retained tissue, multiple D&C's & drugs to clear things up, & no longer ovulated on my own. you can't get pregnant without ovulating & clomid did that for us. we used it responsibly & under medical supervision, & with full knowledge that it might result in multiples (especially since fraternal twins already run in my family.) i am thrilled that it worked for us, & that it helped bring us our sweet boys.
when i was pregnant, i swore i would never be one of those women who wouldn't discuss her struggles, or who'd mind talking about what we needed to do to get pregnant.
& then we had twins, & the comments started.
my biggest pet peeve is other twin moms, who didn't need help concieving & therefore view their twins as the "real thing". as though somehow i am less of a twin mom bc i was on clomid when we concieved. moms who use IVF, IUI's, or plain old fertilty drugs are no less of a mother, & i hated hearing the smug insinuations of "fertile" moms of multiples. if someone concieves a singleton while using fertility treatments, she doesn't hear "well, MY baby is the real thing bc we concieved him without drugs" so why do those of us lucky enough to have multiples have to be subjected to it?
the other reason i quit talking about clomid is just the plain insensitivity of most people. for me, our need to use clomid will be forever linked to the loss of our son & a very dark time in life. in the time since then, unfortunately i've found that most people are not sensitive to the realities of pregnancy loss. through well-meaning ignorance, or just plain callousness, they make too many cruel comments & my skin just isn't thick enough to brush them off consistently.
so i no longer discuss conception with most people. strangers get a complete brush off, bc frankly, it really is none of their business. (to me a stranger asking how we concieved our boys is akin to asking what sexual position we used. it's intrusive & rude, & will always get a polite "i don't discuss that with people i don't know.") & for most others, unless it's approached with respect, sensitivity & compassion, i simply refuse to discuss it. i NEVER ask other moms how they concieved (with the exception of fertility & TTC forums, etc, where those questions are invited), bc i assume that if they wanted me to know, they would have shared that information with me.
privacy is already too devalued in our society, & i don't understant the need to pry into the most private details of a person's life, such as conception, & then comment on that person's choices. my sons are no less my sons bc we needed help to concieve them. i am their real mom, they ARE real people (all 4 of them, my boys in heaven & my boys here on earth), & if you can't approach a fellow mother with compassion & respect, then shut up & mind your own business.
when i was pregnant, i swore i would never be one of those women who wouldn't discuss her struggles, or who'd mind talking about what we needed to do to get pregnant.
& then we had twins, & the comments started.
my biggest pet peeve is other twin moms, who didn't need help concieving & therefore view their twins as the "real thing". as though somehow i am less of a twin mom bc i was on clomid when we concieved. moms who use IVF, IUI's, or plain old fertilty drugs are no less of a mother, & i hated hearing the smug insinuations of "fertile" moms of multiples. if someone concieves a singleton while using fertility treatments, she doesn't hear "well, MY baby is the real thing bc we concieved him without drugs" so why do those of us lucky enough to have multiples have to be subjected to it?
the other reason i quit talking about clomid is just the plain insensitivity of most people. for me, our need to use clomid will be forever linked to the loss of our son & a very dark time in life. in the time since then, unfortunately i've found that most people are not sensitive to the realities of pregnancy loss. through well-meaning ignorance, or just plain callousness, they make too many cruel comments & my skin just isn't thick enough to brush them off consistently.
so i no longer discuss conception with most people. strangers get a complete brush off, bc frankly, it really is none of their business. (to me a stranger asking how we concieved our boys is akin to asking what sexual position we used. it's intrusive & rude, & will always get a polite "i don't discuss that with people i don't know.") & for most others, unless it's approached with respect, sensitivity & compassion, i simply refuse to discuss it. i NEVER ask other moms how they concieved (with the exception of fertility & TTC forums, etc, where those questions are invited), bc i assume that if they wanted me to know, they would have shared that information with me.
privacy is already too devalued in our society, & i don't understant the need to pry into the most private details of a person's life, such as conception, & then comment on that person's choices. my sons are no less my sons bc we needed help to concieve them. i am their real mom, they ARE real people (all 4 of them, my boys in heaven & my boys here on earth), & if you can't approach a fellow mother with compassion & respect, then shut up & mind your own business.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I've never pissed some one off with my blog before...
For those of you who read nancy's blog, geez didn't know wasbng so controversial! (i don't know how to do that fancy name as a link thing, but those of you who read her know who i mean.) Anyways, apparently she got pissed off that I made mothering into a competition. I happen to think this was misinterpretation of my vent, but I re-read it & it's a valid interpretation, & while she's totally entitled to her opinion, I don't want to inadvertently offend any of my buds on here, so here's an explanation & clarification, in case one of you thought this was aimed at you (it wasn't!)
i was venting specifically at an individual i know IRL who forever compares the trials & tribulations of a healthy singleton with every other person she knows with kids. i don't think you should say "oh, i know JUST how you feel" if you don't. i don't know what it's like to have triplets, & i would never pretend to understand the level of work and stress that a mom of triplets feels in her day. i don't know what it's like to bring home a kid on monitors, & i would never assume to know how that feels.
the subject of my original vent compares a bad cold with a NICU stay. she gives me lectures on how i should have just "toughed it out" with breastfeeding. (excuse me, but you feed 2 kids a diet of exclusive breastmilk for 3 months only thru pumping. it sucks & it's hard.) obviously there are many moms who have it much harder than i do. duh. i know that, & hopefully you kids know i'm not in to the whole "i had it worse" competition. what frustrates me is women (like this person) who have the luxury of having a healthy baby to whom they can devote all their time & attention, & they don't even realize how incredibly lucky they are & seem to spend their time looking for ways to make it sound like they have the hardest job in the world.
it's pry kinda neurotic of me to be upset that i pissed off some one i don't actually know, but i guess i'm kinda neurotic. am i out of line? i just think its really obnoxious to compare the "tired" of caring for a 6 week old baby who sleeps thru the night to the "tired" of a mom who cared for a baby born at 27 weeks who came home attached to all kinds of monitors. ( i know this sounds like C... so hopefully kim will get where i'm coming from. we were actually talking about my MIL & SIL, who was born at 27 weeks in circumstances similar to C.) i felt like it was a valid vent. shoot, i still feel like it was valid vent. but maybe i wasn't as clear as i could have been.
anyways, that's that. vents are written out of anger, & i guess they're bound to piss some people off. i would just feel bad if i thought i had inadvertently offended any of my PAL buddies-- you guys have been such an incredible source of support.
i was venting specifically at an individual i know IRL who forever compares the trials & tribulations of a healthy singleton with every other person she knows with kids. i don't think you should say "oh, i know JUST how you feel" if you don't. i don't know what it's like to have triplets, & i would never pretend to understand the level of work and stress that a mom of triplets feels in her day. i don't know what it's like to bring home a kid on monitors, & i would never assume to know how that feels.
the subject of my original vent compares a bad cold with a NICU stay. she gives me lectures on how i should have just "toughed it out" with breastfeeding. (excuse me, but you feed 2 kids a diet of exclusive breastmilk for 3 months only thru pumping. it sucks & it's hard.) obviously there are many moms who have it much harder than i do. duh. i know that, & hopefully you kids know i'm not in to the whole "i had it worse" competition. what frustrates me is women (like this person) who have the luxury of having a healthy baby to whom they can devote all their time & attention, & they don't even realize how incredibly lucky they are & seem to spend their time looking for ways to make it sound like they have the hardest job in the world.
it's pry kinda neurotic of me to be upset that i pissed off some one i don't actually know, but i guess i'm kinda neurotic. am i out of line? i just think its really obnoxious to compare the "tired" of caring for a 6 week old baby who sleeps thru the night to the "tired" of a mom who cared for a baby born at 27 weeks who came home attached to all kinds of monitors. ( i know this sounds like C... so hopefully kim will get where i'm coming from. we were actually talking about my MIL & SIL, who was born at 27 weeks in circumstances similar to C.) i felt like it was a valid vent. shoot, i still feel like it was valid vent. but maybe i wasn't as clear as i could have been.
anyways, that's that. vents are written out of anger, & i guess they're bound to piss some people off. i would just feel bad if i thought i had inadvertently offended any of my PAL buddies-- you guys have been such an incredible source of support.
Monday, September 21, 2009
A bunch of random thoughts....
- I've been doing a bunch of experimental cooking lately. I decided N in particular needs to eat healthier, so I'm enforcing some vegetarian meals & we're trying a bunch of new veggies. Tonight it's beets. :) He's being pretty tolerant of my experiments (some of which have been pretty good!) but I know for a meat & potatoes guy it's a big switch. Seriously, before I started cooking, his idea of a fresh veggies was to open a can of corn.
- I like being back in school. It makes me feel productive. Although the thought of starting a full-time program (which I'll have to do when I start the official dental hygiene program) makes me anxious... I hate the thought of leaving my dudes in any one else's care. It would be ok if I could get my mom to babysit... I know she plays with them, reads to them, makes sure they get outside time, etc, at least as much as I do. I just hate the idea of some one parking them in front of a TV or something. Yup, I'm a control freak.
- & at the risk of offending some folks, I have to have a mini-rant. (sorry guys!) It REALLY irks me when a mom of a singleton complains to me about how hard her life is with her ONE full-term baby. How the little one sleeps though the night at 6 weeks, but gee whiz, mom still feels tired. How they just can't get anything done bc they have to carry around their little one, etc, etc. Come on, people. We did feedings every hour and a half when our TWO came home. At 3 months old, we were still feeding every 3 hours. You have to carry your kid around? Lucky you. It is a rare moment when I have the luxury to just hold one of my dudes, without also having to entertain the other one. We treasure every minute of one on one time, & you complain bc you have nothing but one on one time. I know life with newborns is hard. It's supposed to be. They're babies, for pete's sake. I just wish people had some perspective. Parents of multiples & parents of preemies have exponetially more work & guilt & worry, so please don't expect sympathy from us. I can empathize with newborn woes; I'm not a total jerk. But don't expect me to "poor baby" you.
- I have to go shopping for a dress to wear to my friend's wedding soon. They are 2 of our favorite people, & there is no way we're missing this one, even though it's in Chicago & we're still freaked out about layoffs. (The fact they're moving to Madrid afterwards also has something to do with this!) Anyways.... I am so not looking forward to buying a dress. I HATE the little tummy I've acquired... drives me nuts. (Yes, I'm working on it, but it's not gone yet!) & a bunch of my old work cronies will be there, so I want to look totally amazing so I can not only rub in their faces how happy I am since I left that horric job, but how great I look after having twins. (I know this is incredibly petty of me, but at least I'm honest!) The only downside to my plan is that I don't look that amazing yet.... sigh... so I need to find a dress that will help....
- I kinda want to chop my hair into a long bob. I've had layers forever, & want a change form just growing it out. Any opinions? I'll see if I can finda recent picture of me with my hair down....
ok, here are some pics... not the best, but you can see my hair. (the first one was after I accidentally spilled a glass of wine all over me & con man)
this one is with my cousin... i'm too lazy to crop him out, but you can still see my hair, i think.
this one is with my cousin... i'm too lazy to crop him out, but you can still see my hair, i think.Monday, September 14, 2009
Co.caine & Control
So there are some days when I feel like the world's best mom... not to toot my own horn (although if I don't, who will?), but when things go well with multiples, you feel kinda like wonder woman. it's pretty sweet. I say that as a preface, bc by no means am I salty about being a SAHM right now. I'm not sick of my dudes, I like my "job", etc, etc.
BUT.... at the end of most days, I am DONE. with capital D. As in, if you aren't going to help make my life easier, (by reminding me I'm more than a mom, washing bottles, folding laundry, whatever), shut up & get out of my way. I don't begrudge the dudes a minute of my time with them, afterall I did sign up for this "mom" thing, but N is driving me nuts. I work all day while he's gone (& he works 12 hr shifts plus overtime, so for half the week, it's just me & the dudes-- he leaves before they're up & gets home after they're out.) & by "work" I mean I do ALL the house-related work & ALL the baby-related work. ALL. He comes home, eats & goes to bed. & that's ok-- I'm not the bread earner right now, & he works alot of hours. But I do expect some help at home on his days off. I NEED a break from the house & the babies, just to remind myself I'm still me & have a few hours without being attached to a child, & without having to make every decision that needs to be made.
I mean, love the man, but I sometimes I feel like he's becoming a 3rd child. He's started asking permission for everything. (Can I go fishing tomorrow? What pajamas are the boys wearing tonight? Should I feed the boys? etc.) I appreciate him asking me before he makes plans, but I hate being put in the veto position all the time. (i.e. "my wife said I can't.") drives me nuts. I don't mind if he goes out, & I write all upcoming acitivites on our family calander. All he has to do is look.
I just want him to use his brain & common sense & make some decisions. I mean really... the dudes wear the same thing to sleep every night. A sleep sack & varying levels of underclothes depending how on chilly it is. A 30 year old man should be able to make the pajama decision on his own. Likewise with the "should i feed the babies" dilemma. If the kid is hungry, feed him.
I married an strong, independent man who was capable of running his own life. 2 years later, I'm left wondering how he gradually ceded his decision making abilites to me.
Yeah, ok, I'm kind of a control freak, so I appreciate some of his deference to me, but I don't want to be deciding what the man eats for lunch for the rest of our lives, you know?
I've decided I'm going to start insisting he make some of these calls without me. Since I'm in school again now, just me being absent for some chunks of time should force some of it on him, & if things don't improve we'll have a sit down.
I love the man, he's mostly an amazingly wonderful guy, & I really want to nip this in the bud. Wish me luck!
Oh yeah, & the co.caine from the title? In some unrelated spousal bragging: My super star hubby single-handedly chased down (by car & on foot) a dealer with a kilo of co.caine & tackled him on the expressway. He's a little banged up bc the guy put up a fight, but I'm so proud of him... he hasn't lost a chase yet!
BUT.... at the end of most days, I am DONE. with capital D. As in, if you aren't going to help make my life easier, (by reminding me I'm more than a mom, washing bottles, folding laundry, whatever), shut up & get out of my way. I don't begrudge the dudes a minute of my time with them, afterall I did sign up for this "mom" thing, but N is driving me nuts. I work all day while he's gone (& he works 12 hr shifts plus overtime, so for half the week, it's just me & the dudes-- he leaves before they're up & gets home after they're out.) & by "work" I mean I do ALL the house-related work & ALL the baby-related work. ALL. He comes home, eats & goes to bed. & that's ok-- I'm not the bread earner right now, & he works alot of hours. But I do expect some help at home on his days off. I NEED a break from the house & the babies, just to remind myself I'm still me & have a few hours without being attached to a child, & without having to make every decision that needs to be made.
I mean, love the man, but I sometimes I feel like he's becoming a 3rd child. He's started asking permission for everything. (Can I go fishing tomorrow? What pajamas are the boys wearing tonight? Should I feed the boys? etc.) I appreciate him asking me before he makes plans, but I hate being put in the veto position all the time. (i.e. "my wife said I can't.") drives me nuts. I don't mind if he goes out, & I write all upcoming acitivites on our family calander. All he has to do is look.
I just want him to use his brain & common sense & make some decisions. I mean really... the dudes wear the same thing to sleep every night. A sleep sack & varying levels of underclothes depending how on chilly it is. A 30 year old man should be able to make the pajama decision on his own. Likewise with the "should i feed the babies" dilemma. If the kid is hungry, feed him.
I married an strong, independent man who was capable of running his own life. 2 years later, I'm left wondering how he gradually ceded his decision making abilites to me.
Yeah, ok, I'm kind of a control freak, so I appreciate some of his deference to me, but I don't want to be deciding what the man eats for lunch for the rest of our lives, you know?
I've decided I'm going to start insisting he make some of these calls without me. Since I'm in school again now, just me being absent for some chunks of time should force some of it on him, & if things don't improve we'll have a sit down.
I love the man, he's mostly an amazingly wonderful guy, & I really want to nip this in the bud. Wish me luck!
Oh yeah, & the co.caine from the title? In some unrelated spousal bragging: My super star hubby single-handedly chased down (by car & on foot) a dealer with a kilo of co.caine & tackled him on the expressway. He's a little banged up bc the guy put up a fight, but I'm so proud of him... he hasn't lost a chase yet!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Immunization Rant
i was going to post this on the PAL board, but didn't want to offend anyone, so i thought i'd vent here instead. i hope i don't offend anyone here, but the immunization issue really irks me, & we were stuck listening to some really obnoxious people at lunch yesterday (you know the kind who take over half the restaurant & talk really loud, so that the entire place gets to hear their "insightful" views on whatever the topic happens to be? yeah, they suck!) anyways...
yesterday this obnoxious group was holding forth on immunizations & how incredibly dangerous they are bc they have mercury in them & cause autism. ok, fine-- parents are allowed to make decision for their own children, but i find it infuriating that people are allowed to make decisions that not only put their own kids at risk (as evidenced by the return of diseases that had been considered extinct), but also put MY kids at risk. Of course we're getting our boys immunized, but it takes several years to get them everything they need, & in the meantime, if your non-immunized kids get sick, they have the potential to infect mine. & if you're going to rationalize your decision not to follow the pediatric association's advice, at least have your info straight-- shots no longer contain mercury, & studies have shown the "link" between autism & immunizations is non-existent.
most of those geniuses having this insightful discussion were my age, so i'm willing to bet they were all immunized as kids, & (other than their lack of common sense) seem to be perfectly healthy. But instead of looking at the 50 years of evidence supporting the safety & efficacy of immunizing kids, let's look only at the latest, unproven, hippie trends. good call, folks.
seriously, we can legislate to stop smoking in public to protect public health, but we let certain parents ignorantly put our kids at risk? The decision not to immunize your kids is not made in a vacuum, & while i support the idea that parents should be able to make unencumbered decisions regarding their children's welfare, when their decision can potentially impact the welfare of an entire community, perhaps the decision should be taken out of the parents' hands.
yesterday this obnoxious group was holding forth on immunizations & how incredibly dangerous they are bc they have mercury in them & cause autism. ok, fine-- parents are allowed to make decision for their own children, but i find it infuriating that people are allowed to make decisions that not only put their own kids at risk (as evidenced by the return of diseases that had been considered extinct), but also put MY kids at risk. Of course we're getting our boys immunized, but it takes several years to get them everything they need, & in the meantime, if your non-immunized kids get sick, they have the potential to infect mine. & if you're going to rationalize your decision not to follow the pediatric association's advice, at least have your info straight-- shots no longer contain mercury, & studies have shown the "link" between autism & immunizations is non-existent.
most of those geniuses having this insightful discussion were my age, so i'm willing to bet they were all immunized as kids, & (other than their lack of common sense) seem to be perfectly healthy. But instead of looking at the 50 years of evidence supporting the safety & efficacy of immunizing kids, let's look only at the latest, unproven, hippie trends. good call, folks.
seriously, we can legislate to stop smoking in public to protect public health, but we let certain parents ignorantly put our kids at risk? The decision not to immunize your kids is not made in a vacuum, & while i support the idea that parents should be able to make unencumbered decisions regarding their children's welfare, when their decision can potentially impact the welfare of an entire community, perhaps the decision should be taken out of the parents' hands.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
NICU Related Family Rant, Part II
First-- thank you!!! I wish I could wrap all you ladies in a big hug, I REALLY needed to hear those words of support today.
My mom, who had been our "go-to" person, apparently lost her mind today. My brother is in town, & while we've had this talk with my folks before, it never seems to sink in. My brother can be pretty selfish & has been known to single-handedly ruin family gatherings (& does, nearly everytime he comes home. It's not entirely his fault, as my folks refuse to acknowledge how unreliable he is & continue to rearrange their lives around him. N & I refuse to do this, & it creates some tension.) Anyways, they called last night to see when he bro could see the boys. I said I wasn't sure, & IF he'd be able to, it would have to be time-limited & at a time that didn't disrupt the boys. They were a bit annoyed with that, but seemed willing to work with us. UNTIL-- they told me the bro was sick on Monday. With the flu. & wen we said we're really sorry, but no way is he getting in the NICU then, my mom got SUPER annoyed. I could hear the pissiness in her voice & she actually had the balls to say "but it was over 72 hrs ago & was probably food poisoning." Are you kidding me? When I got upset over her tone & said I don't appreciate her questioning parenting decisions, she said "well, I've had a sick kid before. I think you're just overtired, so I'll let you vent on me, even though I already apologized to N." At that point I was so upset I just hung up. This woman knows what we went through to have these boys. I gave up pretty much everything to keep this pregnancy, we lived in constant fear of losing them, & we already lost 2 kids-- losing another is a very real fear for us. She's been nothing but supportive & awesome... right up until the minute my brother is involved, & then suddenly my caution (which she totally agreed with last week) is now paranoia & explaining why the NICU is not similar to having a "sick kid" is "venting". I expected so much better from her, & am really hurt that she can't see that she's putting her son's selfish crap ahead of my sons' health.
N & I were super hurt & upset by this crap this morning. I actually checked with the neonatologist bc I was feeling so guilty, & the doc totally agreed with us. Half of me wants to explain to my folks why their expectations of us & the boys are inappropriate, & half of me knows it won't change anything, as long as my brother is involved. When all is said & done, I know we made the right decision-- every time they've had visitors, the guys have had some sort of event that has moved them backwards, & we WILL NOT take any unneccary chances with them. I just hate that people who I generally respect & find solace in are acting like spoiled children right now-- I want them to see where we're coming from, but I don't know if that's possible.
My mom, who had been our "go-to" person, apparently lost her mind today. My brother is in town, & while we've had this talk with my folks before, it never seems to sink in. My brother can be pretty selfish & has been known to single-handedly ruin family gatherings (& does, nearly everytime he comes home. It's not entirely his fault, as my folks refuse to acknowledge how unreliable he is & continue to rearrange their lives around him. N & I refuse to do this, & it creates some tension.) Anyways, they called last night to see when he bro could see the boys. I said I wasn't sure, & IF he'd be able to, it would have to be time-limited & at a time that didn't disrupt the boys. They were a bit annoyed with that, but seemed willing to work with us. UNTIL-- they told me the bro was sick on Monday. With the flu. & wen we said we're really sorry, but no way is he getting in the NICU then, my mom got SUPER annoyed. I could hear the pissiness in her voice & she actually had the balls to say "but it was over 72 hrs ago & was probably food poisoning." Are you kidding me? When I got upset over her tone & said I don't appreciate her questioning parenting decisions, she said "well, I've had a sick kid before. I think you're just overtired, so I'll let you vent on me, even though I already apologized to N." At that point I was so upset I just hung up. This woman knows what we went through to have these boys. I gave up pretty much everything to keep this pregnancy, we lived in constant fear of losing them, & we already lost 2 kids-- losing another is a very real fear for us. She's been nothing but supportive & awesome... right up until the minute my brother is involved, & then suddenly my caution (which she totally agreed with last week) is now paranoia & explaining why the NICU is not similar to having a "sick kid" is "venting". I expected so much better from her, & am really hurt that she can't see that she's putting her son's selfish crap ahead of my sons' health.
N & I were super hurt & upset by this crap this morning. I actually checked with the neonatologist bc I was feeling so guilty, & the doc totally agreed with us. Half of me wants to explain to my folks why their expectations of us & the boys are inappropriate, & half of me knows it won't change anything, as long as my brother is involved. When all is said & done, I know we made the right decision-- every time they've had visitors, the guys have had some sort of event that has moved them backwards, & we WILL NOT take any unneccary chances with them. I just hate that people who I generally respect & find solace in are acting like spoiled children right now-- I want them to see where we're coming from, but I don't know if that's possible.
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