So there are some days when I feel like the world's best mom... not to toot my own horn (although if I don't, who will?), but when things go well with multiples, you feel kinda like wonder woman. it's pretty sweet. I say that as a preface, bc by no means am I salty about being a SAHM right now. I'm not sick of my dudes, I like my "job", etc, etc.
BUT.... at the end of most days, I am DONE. with capital D. As in, if you aren't going to help make my life easier, (by reminding me I'm more than a mom, washing bottles, folding laundry, whatever), shut up & get out of my way. I don't begrudge the dudes a minute of my time with them, afterall I did sign up for this "mom" thing, but N is driving me nuts. I work all day while he's gone (& he works 12 hr shifts plus overtime, so for half the week, it's just me & the dudes-- he leaves before they're up & gets home after they're out.) & by "work" I mean I do ALL the house-related work & ALL the baby-related work. ALL. He comes home, eats & goes to bed. & that's ok-- I'm not the bread earner right now, & he works alot of hours. But I do expect some help at home on his days off. I NEED a break from the house & the babies, just to remind myself I'm still me & have a few hours without being attached to a child, & without having to make every decision that needs to be made.
I mean, love the man, but I sometimes I feel like he's becoming a 3rd child. He's started asking permission for everything. (Can I go fishing tomorrow? What pajamas are the boys wearing tonight? Should I feed the boys? etc.) I appreciate him asking me before he makes plans, but I hate being put in the veto position all the time. (i.e. "my wife said I can't.") drives me nuts. I don't mind if he goes out, & I write all upcoming acitivites on our family calander. All he has to do is look.
I just want him to use his brain & common sense & make some decisions. I mean really... the dudes wear the same thing to sleep every night. A sleep sack & varying levels of underclothes depending how on chilly it is. A 30 year old man should be able to make the pajama decision on his own. Likewise with the "should i feed the babies" dilemma. If the kid is hungry, feed him.
I married an strong, independent man who was capable of running his own life. 2 years later, I'm left wondering how he gradually ceded his decision making abilites to me.
Yeah, ok, I'm kind of a control freak, so I appreciate some of his deference to me, but I don't want to be deciding what the man eats for lunch for the rest of our lives, you know?
I've decided I'm going to start insisting he make some of these calls without me. Since I'm in school again now, just me being absent for some chunks of time should force some of it on him, & if things don't improve we'll have a sit down.
I love the man, he's mostly an amazingly wonderful guy, & I really want to nip this in the bud. Wish me luck!
Oh yeah, & the co.caine from the title? In some unrelated spousal bragging: My super star hubby single-handedly chased down (by car & on foot) a dealer with a kilo of co.caine & tackled him on the expressway. He's a little banged up bc the guy put up a fight, but I'm so proud of him... he hasn't lost a chase yet!
Love the dramatic title :)
ReplyDeleteR is the same way - doesn't want to make any decisions. I am controlling too but I try not to be most times. Now, I return every question he asks with a question of my own - "What are we having for dinner?" "Good question, what ARE we having?" *grin*
Congrats to your husband for the successful chase! That's got to be one tough job.
My dh was like that too, and I just had my daughter. But when she hit 5 months I started feeling like the only parent in the household. I had "the talk" with him, but all that got him to do was the dishes. occasionally. I took the drastic step of going to NYC for a few days with my bff. He was staying with his parents while i was gone, so he did have help. But he did have to get up in the middle of the night. i think that's the only time he ever did with our daughter...
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, you're pretty much going to have to say something i think.
And that's awesome about your dh & work!!
Hate to say it, it is normal. I think a lot of men go through this. Some of it is our fault, some is not. When the baby is little the moms watch over it like a hawk, they do everything leaving the dad out.
ReplyDeleteWhen mom is ready to step back, dad doesn't know it is time to step in unless you say something. Does that make sense?
I think your hubby and my hubby are in cahoots. Recently Justin even asks me what he should eat!
ReplyDeleteThe chase sounds awesome! Those are the days Justin hopes for every time he goes to work. :)