why i don't tell people we used clomid. (or, shut up & mind your own business)

i'm not ashamed or embarassed that we used clomid to concieve our boys. after the loss of our second son, i had a uterine infection from retained tissue, multiple D&C's & drugs to clear things up, & no longer ovulated on my own. you can't get pregnant without ovulating & clomid did that for us. we used it responsibly & under medical supervision, & with full knowledge that it might result in multiples (especially since fraternal twins already run in my family.) i am thrilled that it worked for us, & that it helped bring us our sweet boys.
when i was pregnant, i swore i would never be one of those women who wouldn't discuss her struggles, or who'd mind talking about what we needed to do to get pregnant.

& then we had twins, & the comments started.

my biggest pet peeve is other twin moms, who didn't need help concieving & therefore view their twins as the "real thing". as though somehow i am less of a twin mom bc i was on clomid when we concieved. moms who use IVF, IUI's, or plain old fertilty drugs are no less of a mother, & i hated hearing the smug insinuations of "fertile" moms of multiples. if someone concieves a singleton while using fertility treatments, she doesn't hear "well, MY baby is the real thing bc we concieved him without drugs" so why do those of us lucky enough to have multiples have to be subjected to it?
the other reason i quit talking about clomid is just the plain insensitivity of most people. for me, our need to use clomid will be forever linked to the loss of our son & a very dark time in life. in the time since then, unfortunately i've found that most people are not sensitive to the realities of pregnancy loss. through well-meaning ignorance, or just plain callousness, they make too many cruel comments & my skin just isn't thick enough to brush them off consistently.

so i no longer discuss conception with most people. strangers get a complete brush off, bc frankly, it really is none of their business. (to me a stranger asking how we concieved our boys is akin to asking what sexual position we used. it's intrusive & rude, & will always get a polite "i don't discuss that with people i don't know.") & for most others, unless it's approached with respect, sensitivity & compassion, i simply refuse to discuss it. i NEVER ask other moms how they concieved (with the exception of fertility & TTC forums, etc, where those questions are invited), bc i assume that if they wanted me to know, they would have shared that information with me.
privacy is already too devalued in our society, & i don't understant the need to pry into the most private details of a person's life, such as conception, & then comment on that person's choices. my sons are no less my sons bc we needed help to concieve them. i am their real mom, they ARE real people (all 4 of them, my boys in heaven & my boys here on earth), & if you can't approach a fellow mother with compassion & respect, then shut up & mind your own business.