how did you know (or will you know) when you're "done"?
N & i had always talked about having 3 kids, but now that we're about to have #3, i still don't feel "done". N is of course ready to rush right out & get a vasectomy, like, yesterday, but i don't want him to.
i'm not sure that that i want #4, i'm just yet not ready to close the door on that posibility forever. intellectually, i know 3 kids is pry where we'll stop. we aren't rich & never will be & we want to be able to give ALL our kids everything that we can, & the more kids we have , obviously the more our resources get stretched. & my head knows that, but my heart keeps saying "just one more"....
& maybe in 2 years i'll change my mind & decide 3 is the perfect number for us, but i'm not ready to say that yet.
i always wanted a big family growing up. my cousins all come from big families (our family of 4 was small) & it always felt a bit lonely with just me & my brother. of course, i would never pressure N into a child he did't want. i think BOTH parents should be on board when you chose to have a child, & i don't want to be unfair to a kid, or to crap on my marriage by guilting N into something he doesn't want. i don't want to have another baby NOW, & i don't know that i ever will. i just know that i'm not ready to close that door yet.
so, my question to you guys is-- how did you know? or how do you think you'll know when you're ready to call it quits? how did you decide?
Everyone says you will just know. When I was pregnant with Zoe, I thought I was done with her, I even said it once, in the midst of a tripping over something while dragging my IV pole around my house. After losing her, I knew I wasn't. The problem is I don't "think" I would have been done had she gone to term and here with our family. I know that your children are much younger, but my kids ask often for another sibling, so that is one way that I know we are not done as a family. I know that I am not done as a mother because I ache for another baby.
ReplyDeleteI think making the decision while pregnant or after just having a baby can be dangerous for some people. I have known several how have made the decision, had their tubes tied or vasectomies and have regretted it now that their children are older.
So, I know I didn't really answer your question but supposedly you just know....so if you aren't sure now, I guess you aren't done yet, or at least you don't feel there yet.
I think I feel like you do. I think 2 is it for us, but I am not willing to close the door on the possibility for 3. Before I got married I wanted 3 or 4. Brandon wanted just one, but once we had Noah he wanted a second. If we end up deciding to go for #3 I think we will wait a good 4 or 5 years. We have talked about a tubal or vasectamy but in the end decided to wait a few years and see how we felt then. I think what really bothers me is not that I am wanting a 3rd, just knowing that I couldn't if I wanted to if we went through with the tubal or vasectamy.
ReplyDeleteA tubal or vasectomy is WAY too permanent for me. I have no idea when we will be done (we may be done now even), but I don't think I'll ever want my DH to get a vasectomy or me to get a tubal. Yeah I know it's more convenient if you are DONE, but I just don't think I'd ever be able to say for certain that my mind will NOT change in a few years..
ReplyDeleteMaybe when we are both too old to be having anymore kids anyway...lol. Then the decision will be made for me. :)
I waver on the "how many" question all of the time. I hope it's true that when you know, you know. Because right now, I have no clue.
I am so glad you posted this. I want to know too!! We thought we would definitely be done when we finally got pg again, but now we are not sure. I think we will wait a few years to decide. But like you said, we will never be rich and really want to provide a good life for our kids. I second the last post, I hope its true that we will just 'know'.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I did just know. I *almost* had a tubal when J (my 13 year old) was a baby. But then I knew I wanted another, I just didn't want another with my ex, so I waited. When I met P he wanted at least one, but really wanted 2.
ReplyDeleteI told him if R was a boy we were done. If R was a girl we would try one more time, after that we were done. Then when things got so bad with C, I knew I could never enjoy pregnancy again, and I knew I never wanted to deal with what I was dealing with again.
Then, when it came time for his birth, both Dr Evil and Dr Wonderful told me the chances of me ever going term again was slim to none. If I had any questions in my mind about another, the answer was given to me, stop now while your "ahead".
Either way I knew, I knew I was done. There are times that the green eyed monster pokes it's head out.. But truth be told it is not wanting another, it is that part of my life is over. There is no more let's try.
Well I hope it is true that you just know. .One day we say we do want to have another one then there are days when we just dont know.But like others have said I wouldnt want to close the door if it is something we are unsure of
ReplyDelete