NICU Related Family Rant, Part II

First-- thank you!!! I wish I could wrap all you ladies in a big hug, I REALLY needed to hear those words of support today.
My mom, who had been our "go-to" person, apparently lost her mind today. My brother is in town, & while we've had this talk with my folks before, it never seems to sink in. My brother can be pretty selfish & has been known to single-handedly ruin family gatherings (& does, nearly everytime he comes home. It's not entirely his fault, as my folks refuse to acknowledge how unreliable he is & continue to rearrange their lives around him. N & I refuse to do this, & it creates some tension.) Anyways, they called last night to see when he bro could see the boys. I said I wasn't sure, & IF he'd be able to, it would have to be time-limited & at a time that didn't disrupt the boys. They were a bit annoyed with that, but seemed willing to work with us. UNTIL-- they told me the bro was sick on Monday. With the flu. & wen we said we're really sorry, but no way is he getting in the NICU then, my mom got SUPER annoyed. I could hear the pissiness in her voice & she actually had the balls to say "but it was over 72 hrs ago & was probably food poisoning." Are you kidding me? When I got upset over her tone & said I don't appreciate her questioning parenting decisions, she said "well, I've had a sick kid before. I think you're just overtired, so I'll let you vent on me, even though I already apologized to N." At that point I was so upset I just hung up. This woman knows what we went through to have these boys. I gave up pretty much everything to keep this pregnancy, we lived in constant fear of losing them, & we already lost 2 kids-- losing another is a very real fear for us. She's been nothing but supportive & awesome... right up until the minute my brother is involved, & then suddenly my caution (which she totally agreed with last week) is now paranoia & explaining why the NICU is not similar to having a "sick kid" is "venting". I expected so much better from her, & am really hurt that she can't see that she's putting her son's selfish crap ahead of my sons' health.
N & I were super hurt & upset by this crap this morning. I actually checked with the neonatologist bc I was feeling so guilty, & the doc totally agreed with us. Half of me wants to explain to my folks why their expectations of us & the boys are inappropriate, & half of me knows it won't change anything, as long as my brother is involved. When all is said & done, I know we made the right decision-- every time they've had visitors, the guys have had some sort of event that has moved them backwards, & we WILL NOT take any unneccary chances with them. I just hate that people who I generally respect & find solace in are acting like spoiled children right now-- I want them to see where we're coming from, but I don't know if that's possible.