Does everything really happen for a reason? I hear it all the time, I say it all the time, but is it true?
If I had never gone to law school & taken that stupid job in Chicago, would I never have realized what it was I really wanted out of life? Would I have still been too preoccupied with pleasing everyone else to realize happiness when it came by?
If I had never dated the abusive jerks I kept finding in college, would I not have known what an amazing man N was when he finally came along?
If my dad hadn't finally gotten honest about his drinking, would I truly know him the way I do now?
If N & I had never lost our 1st 2 babies, would we treasure the opportunity to be parents the way we do now?
I can find silver linings to all of the above, in one way or another, but there are so many other circumstances that I just can't see the end to yet.
Why have N's sisters & my brother deserted our families?
Why did N lose him mom when he was so young?
Why was my dad an alcoholic for so long? Yes, things are better now, but would they have been even better if he had never drank?
Are the events on our lives just a random conflagration of circumstances, with no overarching meaning behind them? Are my assertions that "everything happens for a reason" merely a way to find meaning out of nothing? I suppose they could be, but I choose not to believe that all this is meaningless. I want to believe in a greater good, & holding onto hope that the meaning will come clear if I keep moving forward helps to keep me putting one foot in front of the other.
Why have we had to struggle so with this pregnancy?
Good topic. I ask myself this a lot. I have a failed marriage - but I wouldn't have met my current hubby if that marriage had not failed. I wouldn't have had Samuel, or this child growing inside, if I hadn't had that failed marriage.
ReplyDeleteBut, what was the reason for losing Samuel? I still haven't totally come to accept that there is a good reason that happened.
You may not see the "why" behind your struggles with this pregnancy - maybe not ever. But I assure you something positive has come out of your struggles. Maybe you gave an encouraging word to a fellow mom - someone who was going through something similar. Perhaps the doctors are learning something from your case that will help future moms.
I don't know - I know it sucks. Having a hard pregnancy just sucks. But think - you have two beautiful boys growing inside of you and they will make all of this worth while.
Stay strong.