Thursday, March 5, 2009

Is It Fear?

I have felt "off" the past week or so. There's been some random pregnancy related changes-- more contractions (every 20-15 minutes for hours on end-- this is super annoying, as they hurt & don't let me rest), less movement from the guys, some crazy swelling, headaches, bizarrely rapid weight gain, still can't sleep, everything still hurts, etc. I think a lot of this crap is just because I'm huge (measuring 44weeks if you want to compare to a singleton pregnancy), & I guess there is enough physical stuff going on for me to be feeling "off" solely because of that. But I find myself hesitating to call my doctors about this stuff. If a friend told me she hadn't felt movement in 12 hrs, I'd tell her to call... & yet, I hesitate. (TMI coming up) Earlier this week, I passed a snot-ball (I refuse to call it a mucus plug since we don't know & I don't want to think that's what it was) & talked N out of calling the doc since I could still feel the boys moving a bit (or at least that's how I justified not calling.) I'm starting to feel a little crazy.
Why do I do this? I'm terrified of anything happening to our boys, & I would do anything to keep them healthy, & yet increasingly I find myself paralyzed when it comes to taking any kind of action when something wonky happens. What is wrong with me?

4 comments:

  1. Not to scare you, when I started feeling "off" I had Caden within the week. One of the nurses at the hossy told me, when a mom says she feels off, most will deliver within the week.

    I think it is fear for you. You don't want to hear, okay, you did your best, but now it is time for us to take over. It is the looming, you know you will have NICU time. It is trying to delay/deny the inevitable. Remember, you will hit a point that the boys would do better out, then in.

    ((HUGS))

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  2. Amen to what Kim said..I am thinking of you and the boy and hope all is OK and you are getting checked out NOW!!!You'll be OK and so will the boys!

    ((hugs))

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  3. Kate, I agree with Kim. At some point, it is going to be better for those boys to be outside - even though it the thought of that is scary. But know that the best doctors are ready for when they do come!

    I think about and pray for you often. Breathe - everything is going to be okay.

    Let me know if there is anything I can do - ya know, over the internet!! LOL :)

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  4. thanks ladies! we're hanging in there so far... all the kind thoughts & prayes are so much appreciated!! ((hugs))

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