thanks for all the kind thoughts & support yesterday...
my mom showed up & literally kicked me out of the house. so went to noodles & co, had a giant bowl of thai curry soup, which i ate very slowly, without anyone telling me to hurry (N) or crying (the dudes) & it was lovely. i was so tired i couldn't think of a darn thing to do with myself after that, & after an hour of sitting in my car contemplating life, decided i could handle a movie, so i went & watched a christmas carol in 3D, bc that was what was playing when i got to the show. & it was either surprisingly good, or i was so glad to be somewhere quiet & dark i would have liked anything i saw. & then i went home, had a glass of milk & passed out by 730. i don't think i spoke 10 words to N, not bc i was mad, but bc i was so exhausted. when i called this morning tho, i told him we should talk tonight & he seemed amenable.
let me just throw out there as well, N is a huge help. yes, he works alot & yes, he works long hours. on his off days he does take down time for himself, & it is well-deserved. he also helps with housework, does all the yardwork, & is great with the babies. the "daddy" issues we have are no more nor less than the "daddy" issues faced by most new parents. (dads just are not moms. if you don't know what i mean, then woopee for you, but i'm guessing most moms know just what i'm talking about.)
after some contemplation & a long talk with my own mom, i think the problem is not that i need more from N, but that i need some real time to myself. not just the occasional shower (which i consider personal hygiene, not down time) & not a solo trip to the grocery store (which is a chore, let's face it). i need "just me" time. & after complaining that i only really have one babysitter (my mom) i realized i also have N. (duh.) he gets "down time" on his days off, & darn it, i should too. just bc i'm home all the time doesn't mean i don't work. i do, & i work hard. the difference is i don't get any scheduled time off. there is no weekend for a SAHM. all i really need from N is a couple hours a week, where i can leave the house & do something entirely for me that involves not a single chore, & that is what we are going to talk about tonight.
(& for the record-- the boys sleep fine at night. it's the naps where we have trouble & they are making HUGE strides with our new nap routine. there is no CIO involved, & while we still ahve some "off" days, in general it is awesome. they're sleeping peacefully as i type! i really think the last straw for me was this new pg. it really takes a toll on a body, growing another person.)
Yay for great moms! I am so happy you have your mom close by...and that she realizes when you need help!
ReplyDeleteNapping was a difficult thing for Noah as well. He slept a lot as a newborn, but only when I held him, and between 2-6 months he literally didn't nap. He was up ALL day and crabby by evening. It was so hard, and while he slept well at night (he slept through the night sometimes, but usually up 1-2 times but just for a quick bottle or backrub). At around 6 months he started napping but only in the living room. At 7 months we started working on it and I am happy to report that eventually he started taking 2 2 hour naps...one nap I used to get the housework done and the second was reserved for me time!
Anyway, I hope that at least gives you some hope for the future. I tried CIO for naps a few times for short periods and it just made things worse. But he did it, and your boys will too! I hope you get those breaks soon!
I am so glad you got a break! I think talking to N is a great idea, I am sure he just doesn't realize that staying home is not a life of luxury. Sometimes I have to remind Justin that I don't just laze around all day and that I need a break, too. Good luck and BIG HUGS!!
ReplyDeleteSo glad that your mom kicked you out and you got some good YOU time!
ReplyDeleteDH and I were just talking about this last night. HE actually told me that I need to go out with friends at least once a week! OKAY dear! Thank you! I will VERY MUCH take you up on that!!!! Trust me, he's not going to forget saying that!
But it's so true! Being a SAHM, like you said, you don't get the weekend off, you don't get the evening off. And if you don't take a couple hours off to yourself, you get to that point where you're just going through the motions to just plain old get through the day!
Too bad my oldest is 2 1/2 and I'm just now figuring this out!!! Sigh!
Yay Mom! I'm happy she kicked you out, it's amazing what a couple hours can do for the soul.
ReplyDeleteYou get a shower by yourself? Really? Liam LOVES shower-time, every now and then Jeff tells him no and keep shim out, but usually he hears the word and he's in the bathroom faster then me...
I think N will understand. Especially if you say to him like you did here, he has him time, you should too.
I won't comment about the sleep. You know where I am at with it right now (so I obviously have no advice for you)...other then to say 'me time' has nothing to do with sleep patterns. You only have so much 'you' to give until you need time back, rested or not.