i have become one of the things i like least. i am a whiney pregnant lady. 3 years ago, when i was struggling to stay pregnant with the boys, i would have given anything to make it to 37 weeks. (shoot, i would have been happy with 35!) i hated listening to women who had reached term complaining about how miserable they were, while i watched my babies in the NICU struggle to breathe.
& now, not quite 3 years & almost 4 kids later, i have spent the last week whining to all & sundry over how uncomfortable i am, how sick i am of fake contractions, how hard it is to breathe with a breech baby, how my back hurts, i'm crampy, my feet are swollen, & i'm sure there were a few more complaints if i stopped to think harder. what happened to me over those years? when did i forget how to be grateful for each discomfort & every aching day & sleepless night, knowing that the time spent growing would help me bring home a healthy, thriving baby?
i feel guilty for being so anxious to be done, especially since this is our last & as much as i hate being huge, i know i'll miss the feeling of pregnancy. carrying a life inside you, nuturing & learning a new little person's ways & habits before you even meet them... it's pretty cool. i'm also dreading the repeat c-section, so why i'm so anxious to get on with it is a bit beyond me.
i don't even feel particularly ready to meet this little one. the baby still feels like a little stranger, which is a new one for me. i've been so busy this whole pregnancy that i've not devoted alot of thought to what this baby might be like. i'm not even that fussed over whether it's a boy or girl. 20 weeks ago, i was driving myself nuts over what we might have & now that i'll find out in 11 days, the topic doesn't hold much interest for me anymore. i love new babies, & my new babies most of all, so i doubt i'll feel any differently about this kid than i did my other 3, & i am excited to meet this little one, but in a hypothetical kind of way.
11 days to get my head on straight. & maybe it's a good thing this little one is in no rush, despite the aches & pains.
I can imagine how hard it is to connect to your unborn babe when you are spending so much time caring for his/her siblings. Even with me, I don't feel that i have given this pregnancy much thought because I am busy with work and k. Can't wait for 1/9!! I hope you will text me when he/she arrives!
ReplyDeletefor sure! i'll keep you posted :)
ReplyDeleteIn the everyday chaos of general existence, I don't feel that excited about having another baby. It sounds horrible, I know. I think I may still be in denial that I'm *actually* going to have another baby! And that it didn't take 3 years to get it. But when I sort through all the baby girl clothes I've been given, I can't help but get excited and do a little daydreaming thinking about my little girl on the way!! And how darn cute she's going to be in all the cute clothes I've been given. And those newborn diapers I made her :D
ReplyDeleteHang in there! You are almost to the end and then seeing that beautiful new baby will make it all worth it!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine what it's like taking care of three littles and being pregnant - no wonder you don't feel ready for this one!