it can't always be a 3-way tie

ever make a parenting decision & then realize belatedly what you should have done instead? i don't mean anything earth shaking choices, i just mean little things-- how to handle a particular tantrum, what to do when your kid resists the nap routine, or picks a fight with a sibling.
i just did that with conrad, & now feel ridiculously guilty over it. i misunderstood what he was up to (not hard to do, in hindsight, since he doesn't speak much english yet, but still...) & ended up dumping him in his crib instead of cuddling after he threw his sippy across the room. the throwing happened in the first place bc i was preoccupied with val & emma & didn't realize con had said "no" to the sippy in his conrad way. he gives very subtle clues, & i feel awful that i totally missed his attempts to communicate, especially since this is our first attempt to nap without a bottle & i don't want the absence of bottle to be a negative thing.

so i screwed up a little. everytime something like that happens, i promise myself i'll make it up to them & wonder if it's even possible to "make up" something like that. can i somehow "make up" the fact that i'm only one mom? that i make mistakes & misunderstand my own kids? probably not, but i do my best.

sigh.

most of the time, i love having 3 babies, but it is impossible to give each child an equal amount of attention at all times. i just hope it evens out over the long run, but it hurts that i can't be my best mama-self to all 3 at once.