daddies

almost 2 years after having our first kids, N is finally relaxing into daddy-hood. he sings to the kids without prodding, he'll read "the hungry caterpillar
800 times in a row, build endless block towers, & dance with his daughter around the living room. he kisses bonked heads & makes peanut butter sandwiches. he's learning patience with toddlers & loves finding the pinkest girliest things possible to dress emma in.
it's a place i was't sure we'd reach, to be honest. he's always loved the kids, but hasn't always known how to relax & enjoy being a dad. he didn't get the greatness of dr. suess, or understand why i didn't allow tv.
i forget sometimes how much his own childhood sucked. i was singing itsy-bitsy spider to the guys the other day & he was trying to sing along, but didn't know the words, & i was teasing him, asking what kind of crap childhood he had, "didn't your mama ever sing to you?!", laughing. he just looked at me, & said- no, she didn't. i could have kicked myself. he has no memories of his real mom, she died when he was 4. & his step mom.... well, we'll just say she wasn't the singing type. i felt like the meanest wife ever. i hate when i do things like that, bc what do you say then? gee, sorry i'm such a callous, heartless moron.

regardless of my occasional idiocy, i do hope the man knows how proud i am to see the kind of father he's becoming. i don't think daddy-hood comes as naturally as being a mom, especially when you've grown up mostly on your own. i know that he had to create a parenting style for himself out of nothing, & while for a while i despaired that it might be a style i couldn't live with, i am grateful that he's come so far & become the dad that he is.