snapshots of our weekend, (alternatively titled: a peek at life with N)

friday night: emma hasn't slept more than 20 minutes at stretch in the last 24 hrs, meaning i never went to bed thursday night. after being up for over a day straight, i am totally fried. so whem em starts crying at midnight, after i've just fed her, changed her & got her to sleep for the 4th time, i roll over in bed & tell N "your turn." to which he responds "let her cry". (you all KNOW our stance on CIO, & this was a hysterical, teething, no way i can possibly comfort myself sort of cry. not to mention N KNOWS how long i've been awake & knows it is physically impossible for me to sleep when the baby is screaming.) returning to the story-- i can't even speak, i'm so mad at him, so i roll over, grab my pillow & proceed to beat him over the head with it, then hurl the pillow across the room, & calmly get up to rock emma. (who goes back to sleep like a champ & stays asleep this time.) meanwhile, N stares at me blankly for a minute, then gets up, retrieves the pillow, & puts it back in place. no one speaks of the incident again until the following afternoon, when i tell him what he *should* have done, & he acknowledges he may not have handled the situation with the sensitivity it required.

saturday afternoon: i order myself a kindle with my share of the $$ his folks gave us for christmas. usually we just throw it in savings, but this year i spent it & have been feeling ridiculously guilty ever since. (as in-- "how can i spend this money all on myself, for something no one else can use, when we have 3 kids, & a ton of pets, & so on & so forth. i know, it's just silly mommy guilt, but there it is.) i feel so bad about ordering this thing, that i actually go back online sunday to cancel the order. N catches me at it & forbids me to cancel it & insists that i get it & enjoy it. i still feel guilty, but agree, & he spends the rest of the weekend tormenting me with comments like "sorry val, you'll have to stretch that diaper out an extra hour-- mama bought a kindle." & "i don't know if you can eat dinner tonight conrad-- we may not have enough, bc mama bought a kindle." & on, & on.

sunday night: as i'm kneading bread at the counter, N sneaks up behind me, wraps his arms around my flour-covered self & whispers "you are my perfect", before heading into the living room to dance with the kids.

sometimes life is a beautiful thing.