little blessings

on monday N & i took the kids to cabela's (a giant hunting/outdoor goods store) just to get everyone out of the house. they have a ton of a taxidermy animals & a gaint fishtank, & the kids love it there. it's like a stationary zoo, & if we don't buy anything, it's easy, fun, & cheap entertainment, which was key for us this week bc we're a little broke at the moment.
honestly, money is always tight, but we make it work bc this is the life we chose. we walked from the giant salary, new car, maids & nanny lifestyle & have never looked back. that doesn't mean that it's easy, or that we don't miss going out to dinner every week. actually we have weeks where it's downright hard-- it sucks to be scrounging change to buy a gallon of milk when our friends are taking trips to the bahamas or buying new four wheelers. (just to insert a disclaimer here, we are by no means broke or destitute, or even very hard-up, but the money we set aside for retirement or in savings is sacrosanct, & our budget doesn't change from month to month. so if we have extra expenses--like we have lately--things can get very tight. raising soon-to-be 4 kids on a cop's salary takes a certain amount of creativity.)
anyways-- my point, which i'm meandering around, is that although we are totally comitted to living the simpler, family-oriented life we've chosen, sometimes it is really. freaking. hard.
with that background, after leaving cabela's we stopped at wendy's for lunch. we usually never feed the kids fast food, but lunch was essential (3 nearly hysterically hungry toddlers bc mom forgot snack) & wendy's was the cheapest option available. so we got the kids each a happy meal, & the 5 of us split all the food. while i was standing at the table, divvying things up, a man walked up to us, & said that he had 5 kids of his own. at this point i gave him a tight smile & said something brilliant like "how nice for you" bc i assumed he was going to be like every other well-meaning but clueless adult who smirks at us & says "you must really have your hands full" like it's a totally original statement & we should be thrilled to have caught their attention. instead, this gentleman tells us that his children are all grown & the last just left for college. then he smiles at our little ones for a second, looks at N & says-- "i've been where you are, & i'm buying your lunch today." he sets a twenty on the table, & was out the door almost before N could stammer a thank you.
i was so touched i actually started crying in wendy's. the man never gave us a chance to refuse (or we would have), barely paused long enough for thanks, & didn't subject us to advice or judgement. it was a little thing, but quite honestly one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for us. & that it came from a complete stranger was, for me, a beautiful reminder that the good you put into the universe will come back to you. so, universe, this is my promise to you & the kind stranger-- 20 years from now, when our children are all grown & we see a young family struggling with a pack of small children, we will pay it forward in kind. & in the meantime, i will be grateful for the reminder that the life we've chosen is worth it.

a scary update

i had to use the baby heimlich (the tip them forward & whomp on their back version) this morning when emma choked & quit breathing. terrifying doesn't even come close, although i'm sure doing CPR would have been scarier. (perspective, right?)
she has pertussis (yes, we vaccinate, but lots of idiots don't so whooping cough is making a come back where we live & emma doesn't have full immunity yet.) anyways-- the pertussis causes a really phlemy cough, & there's so much thick crud in there that she couldn't clear her own airway. it happened twice, & we took her in to the doc, who said if it happens again she gets hospitalized. so right now, i'm watching her try to sleep (so i'm nearby, just in case she chokes again.) & praying nothing happens.
i have never been more glad we took all those infant first aid refreshers when the boys were in the NICU. emma is acting fine (sick, but breathing) & i'm still shaken over it.

& this on top of conrad having croup & me just getting over pneumonia. really, really hoping we're done with being sick for a while.

i'm raising hoodlums.

last night we went to a dinner at a local lodge for N's post (it's closing & they're all relocating to different areas). i met N up there with all the kids, who immediately started racing around the room saying hi to everyone they ran into. during a presentation for his former lieutenant, val marched up to N's sergeant at the front of the room & demanded to be picked up & then appropriated the man's watch, while emmie & conrad snuck up behind a detective & started going through his coat pockets. i managed to get their attention before the guy turned around & caught them. everyone knows our kids, so thankfully everyone was laughing, but it just figures in a room packed with cops, my kids are picking pockets & stealing watches. later, the boys also snuck into the kitchen & conned some nice trooper into giving them a plate of cupcakes, & i found emma in the lap of the scariest looking undercover dude there, eating potato chips off his plate & smacking his hand when he tried to eat some. the kids had a fabulous time, the cops all thought they were hysterical, & i gave up completely half way through the night.
i am very, very glad we're staying in tonight.

what i've been up to....

i've been a very lazy blogger lately, but not so lazy at home. i've decided to can everything possible this year, so i've spent nearly all my free time in the kitchen canning fruit, making applesauce, tomato soup, loads of pickles, etc.
& now i'm tackling a home made exzema lotion for the itchy little ones. it's mostly coconut oil with a little olive oil, but i'm hoping it will help & involve a few fewer chemicals. (not that i'm anti-medicine-- we're totally pro-vaccine, etc, but i hate the constant use of topical steroids. if it's what they need, so be it, i just am hoping they'll need it less.)
anyways, all these hands-on projects have been keeping me entertained & busy. plus we've been doing alot of apple picking & zoo trips with the kiddos. for some reason i've been hit with the need to be constantly moving lately (& now i'm trying be justify my absence from the blogging world...) i tihnk its bc i know soon i'll be so uncomfortable i wont want to do anything, so i'm being as active as possible now.

#4 is good... kicking the snot of my insides & keeping me up nights. & i'd be lying if i said i wasn't sort of enjoying the abuse :) it's the last time, & that seems to give even the uncomfortable moments a special luster. instead of thinking "ack... when will this end?" i think " aw, it's the last time some one will wedge their toes into my hip & kick my bladder..."

lazy, lazy, lazy...

i have been a lazy blogger of late, & still can't seem to shake my blahs. so in lieu of an intelligent substantive post, here are some belly pics!

first up-- 22 weeks with the boys:

23 weeks with #3, aka miss emma:

& alst but not least-- 21 weeks with #4!

the summer of tie dye

we've been tie dye crazy here the past couple weeks. it started with my cousin's annual "bring your kids & dye something!" party, & ended this weekend with the same cousin returning to my house to help dye a whole bunch more gear while the kids ran amok & generally wrecked chaos & had a fabulous time dyeing our garage.
turns out, i love dyeing stuff! we did t-shirts for grown ups, t-shirts for kids, onesies, socks & pretty much every white cotton fabric item we could find.
i had the brilliant idea to buy some white flannel & dye it to make a baby blanket for a girlfriend of mine who is expecting her first in a couple weeks. i had wanted to sew her a quilt, but my time & motivation is running low & i know i can make a cute flannel blankie with much less effort that still looks good & is nice & soft & cozy. so here are my 2 options:

and :

think either of these is good enough to use for a gift? (obviously the finished blankie will be lined, bound & edged.) emmie keeps carrying these around, so whichever we don't use for a gift i'll use to make a blankie for her. or are these not cool enough to give some one? should i try, try again?

gender.... to know or not to know?

next week is our "big" ultrasound, & i still really want to be surprised come january, but it's SO tempting to find out! plus i'm worried that if it's another boy i'll be bummed out. not bc i don't love boys, i do. but bc i'd feel bad if em were the odd girl out all her life. i always wanted a sister & i wish i could give one to emmie.
one of my good friends in high school was an only girl with 3 brothers & she always seemed sort of out of place & uncomfortable in her own skin. i don't know if that was bc her mom wasn't the best female role model, or bc she wanted to be like her big brother, or if she was just a weirdo, but it's always lingered in the back of my mind as an "oh no" about a girl growing up in a house full of dudes. i worry that another little boy will only want to hang out with his big brothers & em won't have anyone to play her games. i worry that the boys would all game up on her or exclude her, or that she won't think that it's cool to be a girl. i worry about making the twins share a room forever while em & the littlest boy get their own rooms. i worry that the big boys will be nothing but annoyed with a little brother who follows them everywhere. basically, i just worry.
i think i'm going to tough it out & wait til january. this is our last, & i really want that "IT's A ___!" moment. plus, i can't be disapointed with a sweet little baby in my arms, no matter what their gender. so i'm just going to stress about it for months ahead of time, & hope that it could somehow be a good thing for a girl to grow up in with all boys.

(& of course i'm stressing over this strictly bc i have one of those mommy feeling that it's a boy. based on nothing other than my own intuition, which is faulty at best, but sure feels convincing!)