where is the sandman?

i'm becoming obsessed with sleep to the point where i find myself fantasizing about my bed. not what happens in the bed, but literally the bed itself-- how soft it is, how warm, how nice it would be to just curl up & sleep & sleep.

the guys are doing just what they're supposed to-- we're up every 3-4 hrs at night, but they're only 7 wks adjusted, so it's cool. mom & dad are just tired. so tired. with 2, there is no alternating feedings so someone can catch a few extra z's. & with reflux, there is no such thing as a quick feeding. they take 1 good nap during the day, but will only sleep in the living room, not in their cribs. apparently they think cribs are strictly for night time. & maybe i'm a bad mommy, but i don't fight them & just let them sleep in the living room. by that point, i'm desperate for a minute to myself, in which to do something really relaxing. like laundry. (can you feel the sarcasm?)

i haven't slept through a night since sometime last august, before i was KU. (having to pee constantly was the first symptom that showed up, around 8 weeks, & it only got worse from then on out.) if they aren't sleeping through the night by august, & i seriously doubt that will happen, i will have gone a whole year without an uninterrupted night's sleep. a year.

i know this is what i signed up for, & i don't really want to rush the baby stage (they're just so cute when they're this little!) but a girl can still dream, right? (at least in theory, since the adults in this house have given up on things like sleep & dreams. ah, the joys of multiples!)

although, now that i've b*****ed about not sleeping, i have to say my favorite part of every day is the early morning hours, when N is at work & the boys are rustling in their cribs but not ready to wake up. i always bring them into bed with me to stretch their sleep a bit longer, & i lay semi-awake with my little dudes snuggled up on top of me. even exhausted & running on fumes, those early morning cuddles are the best part of my day. i guess sleep can wait a few more months, at least. :)