what do you think of it?
i know i'm ridiculously lucky that N (who i think is pretty hot. & still looks as good as he ever did, unlike yours truly) still wants me. i find my post-babies body about as un-hot as it's possible to be. i'm covered in angry red stretch marks, my belly sags from 2 years of being pregnant, i'm carrying about 20 extra pounds right now, my boobs leak. yeah, yeah, yeah, i should appreciate my body for the miracle it is & be proud i bore 3 beautiful, healthy kids. but let's be honest, that BS only goes so far. i know i'll get back in shape & lose the weight eventually, but in the meantime i really don't get how N can possibly still find me attractive.
& it's not like he's hounding me for sex. what with the c-section that didn't heal (all the problems with my incision have really delayed healing & it's super annoying for many reasons), the 3 babies (one a nursing newborn), & lack of sleep etc, he is well aware sex isn't happening for a while. but he is hoping for some alternative action, & honestly i just haven't been up for that either.
so we had a talk about all this & how sex is hard in the immediate post-baby months for mom, etc, etc. & what it comes down to is that sex is important in our marriage & i want to make a better effort to at least work in some intimate moments. really, all the man is asking for is some occasional make-out sessions, & maybe a little alternative gratification worked in once in a while. so i tell him i'm willing, & he gets upset that i'd take this on as an obligation, rather than as something i want. so i was trying to explain that for me, at least, obligation isn't necessarily a bad thing. i always enjoy it once i make myself do it, but i have to make myself make time to be my husband's wife. otherwise, being my kids' mom takes over & becomes an all-consuming role.
ultimately i think it's an effort worth making, & i'm glad N can put voice to what he needs, without having unrealistic expectations, but getting back in the saddle is always a bit rough for me. it took about 6 mos after the boys were born for me to feel enough myself to really jump into things with abandon again. (& then of course we got preggo with emma... go figure!) so while i'm hoping it doesn't take that long again, i'm sort of approaching post-baby sex this time around with a "if you build it, they will come" approach.
I think after baby sex is over-rated. Of course I am the one who goes MONTHS without.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think it is great that N still finds you sexy!
ahhh sex after baby....T used to get it at least 6-8 times a month (average 2x a week) since baby K was born he is lucky to get it 2x a month...With the hours I work and the commute I face daily, by the time I get home, cook dinner, do bathtime, complete bed time, go to the gym....it is 11pm and I need to go to bed so I can be up at 5am and do it again. The nights I bail on the gym, it's usually becasue T is out at band practice or I am just too wiped.
ReplyDeleteAs far as "alternative" gratification....I am not a fan. When I was at the end of my pregnacy I gave in a couple times, but T knew I did it out of obligation.
You are not alone with feeling like our post baby bods are just not what we want to be walking around in, but our guys do still love us, and that says a lot about them. That in itself makes them sexy, and in turn, is a bit of a turn on!
Yuck...that's how I feel about it. I feel so gross it's the last thing I want to do. We still have a fairly active sex life, but there are weeks I hide from it. I feel bad but sometimes I just go to bed without even saying goodnight just to avoid him asking.
ReplyDeleteOur 'after baby' sex is still recovering, it can go long stretches between, and I -still- don't like my body, but...i know we want to try for one more (successful) pregnancy, so until that's said and done, not sure I'm gong to worry about it to overly much...
ReplyDeleteJ is really in the same mindset...most days a good cuddle (while I do, and he does miss sex) is good enough.