i said i wouldn't be back here, but i have to revisit this just once more. i confronted N yesterday about thinking we needed marriage counseling. i told him i felt betrayed & hurt. i said that my faith in him was shaken & i was no longer certain he was the person i had always believed him to be. he looked shaken & confused, & when i explained further by saying that the cause of all this was the fact that he had hidden his feelings from me for 4 years while going behind my back to complain to his parents. at that point he stops me & says "no--wait... i only complained once, 2 weeks before i told you about it."
HUGE difference. we laughed & then we cried, & lord-- do i feel better. this had been toruring me all week & i had had such a hard time reconciling what i thought he had said with the person i have known & loved for 6 years. the world makes sense again, & while we still have to deal with the issues with his family & that WILL suck, but i am confident now that we will be facing those issues standing side by side.
this has been a lesson to me in making assumptions about statements. i really feel like we've been living in a shakespearean-style comedy of errors, where at the last moment fate intervenes & the heros don't end up killing eachother after all. *huge sigh of relief*
ah well-- all's well that end's well!
It sounds as though things are on the mend, emotionally. I will say that T and I attend counsling years ago, seperately and as a couple. It was amazing for us both. I can honestly say it (counsling) is what has kept us together for nearly 17 years. We learned how to talk, I mean really talk, the kind you and N had this week, but ALL THE TIME!
ReplyDeleteSo if it is still an option, I highly suggest you still do it. You will be become a much stronger couple for it.
Much love to you~
Whew what a relief! I really believe honesty and not hiding things is the key to marriage. I know I drive R crazy a lot with my need to tell him how I feel all the time but your situation reinforces my belief. If you had gone on thinking that but kept it bottled, your feelings about it could have contributed to driving you both apart. So glad you put it out there!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you were able to talk ... REAL communication is at the root of so many marital troubles!!! I wish I were able to talk with my dh better ... go, you, for enabling the open lines!
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