something's got to give

I feel like something is on the verge of breaking between N & i, & i don't know how to stop it. his family has never particularly warmed to me, and something happened this weekend that made N decide to finally open up to me about how they really feel. in his words, his dad thinks that N "has made his bed & now must lie in it," & his stepmom spends her time alone with N using her passive agressive wiles to persuade him that i've isolated him from his family, that i'm using him, that i take advantage of him, etc, etc. it's one thing to THINK some one doesn't like you, & it's something else entirely to be told that your suspisions are true.
compunding the situation is that fact that N never sticks up for me. he won't defend me, for fear that taking a stand will break the last tenuous string holding him to his father. i, however, am at my breaking point with this. they insult me, they swear, they drink, they use racial slurs, & in my mind, N is complicit in all of this through his continued silence.
N actually wants me & our kids to spend MORE time with them. in describng my reluctance to do that, i tried to explain how isolated & abused i feel when we're there. i can't protect myself, & more importantly, i can't protect my children, bc no one listens to a word i say, & without N, i stand alone-- not part of the family, & completely unsupported.
i hate watching my strong, loving husband turn into an angry & fearful adolescent the minute his parents enter the picture. after our discussion thsi weekend, N claims he is going to "handle it", but i am still anxious & fearful over the toll this is taking on our family & our relationship.