Pregnancy as Competition

My apologies ahead of time to any one this rant might offend, it's not directed at any one person in particular, but rather an attitude I just can't stand.

Lately I've noticed alot of women seem to regard their preggo sufferings as part of some bizzarre competition. ("I've been sick for 12 weeks" "Oh yeah, well I've been sick for 15!" etc...) I know I've briefly visited this topic before when talking about the annoying relative at our baby shower, but it really drives me nuts. Especially coming from other moms-to-be who have struggled to get &/or stay pregnant. I know I'm occasionally guilty of this kind of thinking too, (for example: my rants about women who complain about their discomfort at 36 weeks, when I'm only 31 weeks & measuring 42), but I try not to give voice to that kind of thought on pregnancy boards, since I think the boards are supposed to be a place of support. A girl should be able to vent without hearing "you think you have it bad? well, listen to this..."

Even more annoying that this kind of competition is the "we had a worse time getting pregnant, so I should get more attention/sympathy/medical care." (No, no one says that explicitly, but the ideology is unfortunately all over pregnancy loss & infertility sites.) Who is to how much suffering is enough? If X has lost 4 children, and Y has "only" lost one or 2, are Y's fears & concerns any less valid than those of X? Is Y any less deserving of excellent medical care? It really irks me to hear, "Y gets more ultrasounds than I do, & I've had a worse pregnancy or had more losses or whatever..." Statements like that assume that the extra ultrasounds (or whatever) are unneccessary, & assume that Y has disclosed all her medical conditions, etc., that would explain the extra treatment. Assumptions are NEVER a good idea, & imply that Y is somehow less "worthy" of a higher level of care because she has suffered less. My other gripe about this kind of complaint is that no one is in charge of your medical care but YOU. If you don't like your doctor, or want more ultrasounds, or visits, or whatever, to a large extent it is up to YOU to make it happen. (Yes, I understand some people have financial or insurance related limitations, but then your complaints should be directed at your insurance company, not other moms.)

Everyone needs to vent sometimes, & sometimes we all need a good "why me?" rant. I'm not disputing the need to complain, I'm just annoyed at the choice of venue. Suffering & loss cannot be quantified. Pregnancy is not a competition to see who's had it worse or suffered more, & there are no prizes for being the most miserable. If you need to rant and whine about the treatment other moms recieve, find an appropriate audience. Women who have suffered loss should not be made to feel guilty by one of their own for not having "suffered enough."