I'm going back to school this fall. I've been off & on for the past year and a half what with the health problems after our 2nd miscarriage, then the months of bedrest & NICU time with the boys' pregnancy. N & I had a big talk about it & he is firmly convinced that I should stick with historic preservation, rather than switching to a cheaper degree in some healthcare related field. (Which I debated, in hopes that it might be easier to find a job in Michigan's sh*t economy.) When all is said & done though, I don't plan on going back to work until the kids are older so I have several years to wrap up degree #3 & hope the job situation here improves. & in all honesty, if I'm going to do something that takes me away from my family, I'd like it to be for something I enjoy. I've had a job a hated & the emotional costs weren't worth the money. I think I'll start with just one class this fall, and emailed the head of my program to meet up & discuss my options since I've been out of the loop for so long.
I still feel guilty about this decision, like its irresponsible of me to pursue a degree that will cost us more $, when we have 2 LOs at home. & maybe it is. Now that I've made the decision, I can't stop questioning it. We're still paying my student loans from law school after all. N seems so sure that I should do what I want instead of just settling for something to save us some $, but I can't help but feel incredibly selfish about this. It's such a gamble-- will the job market here open up in a few years? would I really be happy in the long run if I settled for a so-so job? will we still be secure financially if we have to pay for another 2 years of a master's program?
I need a crystal ball...
Showing posts with label jobs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jobs. Show all posts
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Prelude To My Dilemma
When I was 18, I wanted to be a lawyer. I would graduate college, go straight into law school, get a job in Chicago when I finished law school, marry another lawyer or similar professional & have kids sometime after 30.
Everything started off according to plan-- I graduated college early, spent a semester in Italy, went straight to law school, got the big job in Chicago, was dating the "right" kind of professional, & was on my way to having everything I said I'd wanted. Except I hated my life-- I hated the job, I didn't like living in the city (I really missed green space-- I've never since underestimated the charms of grass!), & the guy (while nice enough) just didn't "fit" with the people who really mattered to me. But I kept on, thinking of all the people I'd disappoint by walking away. & so I continued until my life fell apart.
I met N on a trip home to Michigan, & despite all my best efforts, fell completely in love with a cop from a hick town who was living in the city where I swore I'd never live again. We did the long-distance thing for too long while we tried to figure out where to live. My dad got honest about his drinking, nearly tearing apart our family, work got increasingly miserable. N & I lost our first child right in the midst of this. It was then that I finally gave up on the life I thought I should have, & went after the life I wanted.
I moved home to Michigan, & in with N. I was able to be there for the healing process as my dad got sober. N & I got married, & he encouraged me to go back to school, this time for something I wanted to do (someday I'll write about why I went to law school in the first place, but now isn't the time). I found the perfect master's program at our hometown university & enrolled in the historic preservation program, which I loved. I worked on a project in the field (documenting a historic farm) & was even happier with my chosen profession-to-be.
Around this time, N & I got pregnant again & I thought I really was about to have everything I'd always wanted-- a family of my own, my wonderful husband & a career I actually enjoyed. & then we lost our son. & I got sick. Sick in my mind, my heart, & my body. I had an infection from a botched D&C & had to withdraw from classes temporarily. After loads of tests, we decided not to wait to TTC & eventually found ourselves pregnant again-- with twins! By this time, I was back in school part time & had finally found a job I liked (no easy feat in Michigan's economy) teaching pre-school. We found out we were considered a high risk pregnancy & have spent almost this entire pregnancy on restrictions & now bedrest (I'm not complaining, it's just the facts.) So I had to resign my job & again take a break from classes.
Because I don't want to practise law ever again (& can't get a job here anyways-- believe me, I tried. Everyone is laying off lawyers, not hiring.) & because what I was making as a pre-school teacher (the only other profession I have any worthwhile experience in) is barely enough to cover the cost of childcare for 2 infants, we decided I would stay home with the boys for their first few years while I finished school. By the time I'm done, they should be headed to pre-school anyways, & I can head back to work.
My Dilemma:
& now here's the reason for my long drawn out story about the past 6 years-- I'd like to go back to school in the fall. However, Michigan has cut funding to essentially every place that would hire a preservationist. The private arenas are hurting as well-- there's no money for land trusts to hire, museums are cutting back; in short, it's not looking good. I already have plenty of student loans from law school that N (bless his heart) is covering while I'm not working & we do NOT want to add to the total, especially with yet another degree that I can't use.
Alternatively, I could get my CDA so I'd make more $ teaching pre-school (assuming I could find a teaching job again), or get certified in radiology or a medical trade (where I probably could find a job). Leaving Michigan isn't an option for us, and while we can make things work on one income, we want the security & freedom that 2 would give us (even if I only work part-time).
N will support my decision whether I stick with preservation or change careers, & I feel like the responsible thing to do is to chose the path that will lead me to a job, even if it's not my dream job. Right?
(At the same time, I can't help but feel a bit like an a** for having all these stupid degrees I'll never use... & while I'll gladly sacrifice my career for our family, I can't say it doesn't hurt a little to have to give it up.)
Everything started off according to plan-- I graduated college early, spent a semester in Italy, went straight to law school, got the big job in Chicago, was dating the "right" kind of professional, & was on my way to having everything I said I'd wanted. Except I hated my life-- I hated the job, I didn't like living in the city (I really missed green space-- I've never since underestimated the charms of grass!), & the guy (while nice enough) just didn't "fit" with the people who really mattered to me. But I kept on, thinking of all the people I'd disappoint by walking away. & so I continued until my life fell apart.
I met N on a trip home to Michigan, & despite all my best efforts, fell completely in love with a cop from a hick town who was living in the city where I swore I'd never live again. We did the long-distance thing for too long while we tried to figure out where to live. My dad got honest about his drinking, nearly tearing apart our family, work got increasingly miserable. N & I lost our first child right in the midst of this. It was then that I finally gave up on the life I thought I should have, & went after the life I wanted.
I moved home to Michigan, & in with N. I was able to be there for the healing process as my dad got sober. N & I got married, & he encouraged me to go back to school, this time for something I wanted to do (someday I'll write about why I went to law school in the first place, but now isn't the time). I found the perfect master's program at our hometown university & enrolled in the historic preservation program, which I loved. I worked on a project in the field (documenting a historic farm) & was even happier with my chosen profession-to-be.
Around this time, N & I got pregnant again & I thought I really was about to have everything I'd always wanted-- a family of my own, my wonderful husband & a career I actually enjoyed. & then we lost our son. & I got sick. Sick in my mind, my heart, & my body. I had an infection from a botched D&C & had to withdraw from classes temporarily. After loads of tests, we decided not to wait to TTC & eventually found ourselves pregnant again-- with twins! By this time, I was back in school part time & had finally found a job I liked (no easy feat in Michigan's economy) teaching pre-school. We found out we were considered a high risk pregnancy & have spent almost this entire pregnancy on restrictions & now bedrest (I'm not complaining, it's just the facts.) So I had to resign my job & again take a break from classes.
Because I don't want to practise law ever again (& can't get a job here anyways-- believe me, I tried. Everyone is laying off lawyers, not hiring.) & because what I was making as a pre-school teacher (the only other profession I have any worthwhile experience in) is barely enough to cover the cost of childcare for 2 infants, we decided I would stay home with the boys for their first few years while I finished school. By the time I'm done, they should be headed to pre-school anyways, & I can head back to work.
My Dilemma:
& now here's the reason for my long drawn out story about the past 6 years-- I'd like to go back to school in the fall. However, Michigan has cut funding to essentially every place that would hire a preservationist. The private arenas are hurting as well-- there's no money for land trusts to hire, museums are cutting back; in short, it's not looking good. I already have plenty of student loans from law school that N (bless his heart) is covering while I'm not working & we do NOT want to add to the total, especially with yet another degree that I can't use.
Alternatively, I could get my CDA so I'd make more $ teaching pre-school (assuming I could find a teaching job again), or get certified in radiology or a medical trade (where I probably could find a job). Leaving Michigan isn't an option for us, and while we can make things work on one income, we want the security & freedom that 2 would give us (even if I only work part-time).
N will support my decision whether I stick with preservation or change careers, & I feel like the responsible thing to do is to chose the path that will lead me to a job, even if it's not my dream job. Right?
(At the same time, I can't help but feel a bit like an a** for having all these stupid degrees I'll never use... & while I'll gladly sacrifice my career for our family, I can't say it doesn't hurt a little to have to give it up.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)