sometimes they make me sad.
a couple friends have blogged recently about the births of their older kids, & while i love reading the stories, they make me kind of wistful.
we had to have a c-section with the boys. they let me labor until i was 5 or 6 cm, & then my blood pressure skyrocketed & we needed a c-sec NOW. obviously, when your kids' health is at stake, you don't have a lot of options. i don't regret that surgery one bit-- it brought us our beautiful sons, safe & sound. but bc of the internal incision, my odds of success with a vaginal birth now are optimistically around 50%. i blogged about this some time ago, when N & i decided that those weren't good enough odds for us, & we were opting for a repeat c-section. i stand by that decision, i really do. after talking with my OB (who is generally fairly anti-c-section), we feel like it's the safest option for 3 & for me. but....
hearing the stories of reaching down to feel the baby's head, or even just HOLDING the baby right after birth, make me long for that kind of delivery. you don't get to hold your baby after a c-section. & while i don't mind at all that N gets to be the first to hold our kids, it hurts that i can't hold them right away, too.
in the long run of course, none of this matters. i don't love my boys any less for having them delivered surgically, & it won't change my feelings for 3 or the relationships i have with my kids. it's just the loss of a single moment in their lives & in mine, but it's a moment i'll never get to experience, & that makes me kind of sad.
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
VBAC v. Repeat C-section
recently N & i have been debating the best option for #3. we didn't get an choice with the boys' birth-- i had preeclampsia & my blood pressure was getting to a point where it was too dangerous for the boys to allow me to labor anymore, so we had an emergency c-sec then.
my doc is very supportive, & when i first asked him about it, he said there was no reason why we couldn't try for a VBAC. & then i did some research, & NO ONE i know has had a successful VABC. yeah, i've heard some ok stories from folks i don't know, but i don't *know* them & i tend not to trust hearsay from non-friends. (not that they're lying, i just prefer to know who my info is coming from.) & all the medical literature is pretty mixed... it seems like the success depends more on personal circumstances than anything else.
so i brought up the whole VBAC issue again at my appt today. again, my doc said if i want to try, we can absolutely try. & then i asked for odds on a successful VBAC for me, & he put them at 40-50%, based on the fact that our babies tend to be big, & the positioning of the scar on my uterus. & i have to admit, that totally changed my perspective. i do NOT want to labor & then end up with a surgery anyways. i just don't think 50% is good enough odds for me.... & while i appreciate my doc's honesty & support, i think that a repeat c-sec is the best option for us. of course if i can change my mind right up until the surgery is scheduled, but for now, we have tentatively scheduled a birthday for 3.
i feel good about this decision & N is totally supportive (he'll go along with whatever i decide), as is my doc & family so i'm pretty sure this is a choice that will stick, but i'm open minded if this turns out to be a smaller than anticipated baby, so if you have any VBAC insight or personal stories, please share!
oh-- & 3 looks awesome! we confirmed the sex again (not that there was alot of doubt) & the kid hasn't stopped moving since the u/s :)
my doc is very supportive, & when i first asked him about it, he said there was no reason why we couldn't try for a VBAC. & then i did some research, & NO ONE i know has had a successful VABC. yeah, i've heard some ok stories from folks i don't know, but i don't *know* them & i tend not to trust hearsay from non-friends. (not that they're lying, i just prefer to know who my info is coming from.) & all the medical literature is pretty mixed... it seems like the success depends more on personal circumstances than anything else.
so i brought up the whole VBAC issue again at my appt today. again, my doc said if i want to try, we can absolutely try. & then i asked for odds on a successful VBAC for me, & he put them at 40-50%, based on the fact that our babies tend to be big, & the positioning of the scar on my uterus. & i have to admit, that totally changed my perspective. i do NOT want to labor & then end up with a surgery anyways. i just don't think 50% is good enough odds for me.... & while i appreciate my doc's honesty & support, i think that a repeat c-sec is the best option for us. of course if i can change my mind right up until the surgery is scheduled, but for now, we have tentatively scheduled a birthday for 3.
i feel good about this decision & N is totally supportive (he'll go along with whatever i decide), as is my doc & family so i'm pretty sure this is a choice that will stick, but i'm open minded if this turns out to be a smaller than anticipated baby, so if you have any VBAC insight or personal stories, please share!
oh-- & 3 looks awesome! we confirmed the sex again (not that there was alot of doubt) & the kid hasn't stopped moving since the u/s :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Labor...
following mandy's labor on fb totally makes me wish for another c-sec. ok, not really, but labor SUCKS. you kind of forget how much after a while, & i'm sort of bummed that i wasn't NOT pregnant long enough to forget how much it sucked. (yeah, i know i had a c-sec, but they did let me labor for a few hrs, until i was 5-6 cm. & it was horrid. if crisis hadn't struck & rushed me into an emergency c-sec, i would have been begging for an epi. or possibly a crow bar to the head. anything not to be in pain anymore.)
which brings me to my next point-- i am in awe of women who go thru labor without any pain meds. personally, i don't see the point-- the baby gets here either way, & drugs don't affect the baby's health, so i'd rather be able to relax a bit & not be as miserable. that said-- i respect those who want to go thru natural labor. i'm not knocking them in any way-- really, i think it's a pretty phenomenal accomplishment. but in my opinion, any labor that gets your kid(s) here & into your arms is a phenomenal accomplishment, whether its with the aid of drugs, or surgery, or 8 docs, or none.
so i'm curious: what was your reasoning behind your labor of choice? (if you had gotten to choose. i know some of us didn't get the option.) did you go for drugs? want natural & change your mind? stuck with natural the whole way?
(i'll answer in comments)
which brings me to my next point-- i am in awe of women who go thru labor without any pain meds. personally, i don't see the point-- the baby gets here either way, & drugs don't affect the baby's health, so i'd rather be able to relax a bit & not be as miserable. that said-- i respect those who want to go thru natural labor. i'm not knocking them in any way-- really, i think it's a pretty phenomenal accomplishment. but in my opinion, any labor that gets your kid(s) here & into your arms is a phenomenal accomplishment, whether its with the aid of drugs, or surgery, or 8 docs, or none.
so i'm curious: what was your reasoning behind your labor of choice? (if you had gotten to choose. i know some of us didn't get the option.) did you go for drugs? want natural & change your mind? stuck with natural the whole way?
(i'll answer in comments)
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