sometimes they make me sad.
a couple friends have blogged recently about the births of their older kids, & while i love reading the stories, they make me kind of wistful.
we had to have a c-section with the boys. they let me labor until i was 5 or 6 cm, & then my blood pressure skyrocketed & we needed a c-sec NOW. obviously, when your kids' health is at stake, you don't have a lot of options. i don't regret that surgery one bit-- it brought us our beautiful sons, safe & sound. but bc of the internal incision, my odds of success with a vaginal birth now are optimistically around 50%. i blogged about this some time ago, when N & i decided that those weren't good enough odds for us, & we were opting for a repeat c-section. i stand by that decision, i really do. after talking with my OB (who is generally fairly anti-c-section), we feel like it's the safest option for 3 & for me. but....
hearing the stories of reaching down to feel the baby's head, or even just HOLDING the baby right after birth, make me long for that kind of delivery. you don't get to hold your baby after a c-section. & while i don't mind at all that N gets to be the first to hold our kids, it hurts that i can't hold them right away, too.
in the long run of course, none of this matters. i don't love my boys any less for having them delivered surgically, & it won't change my feelings for 3 or the relationships i have with my kids. it's just the loss of a single moment in their lives & in mine, but it's a moment i'll never get to experience, & that makes me kind of sad.
I totally understand your feelings. I feel that way at times too.
ReplyDelete~hugs~ Kate, I understand as well. I have had both, and while I KNOW it's in babies best interest c/s...it's still sad to know that that's the route I have to take...
ReplyDeleteBUT
like you, I know that is the safest route for baby, so it's a trade I am more then wiling to make.
Since I have had both, I can say a c-section isn't all bad. Granted you don't get the same experience, but it still can be awesome.
ReplyDeleteI think for me the most amazing part was seeing them for the first time. Hearing their cry. The c-section didn't rob me of the things I most wanted, it was just different.
For me, had C not been transverse I would have had a choice, I still picked the c-section. His health was so much more important to me then how he was born. Yes I knew in the long run I would have more pain, but his health was way more important.
I felt the same way you do, Kate. My c-section with Hannah was not a great experience, but Ella's was wonderful. I was able to hold her right away. They got her out, put a blanket under her and gave her to me. Talk to your dr about it, because I know it can be done. HTH!
ReplyDeletethanks candi- i will! :)
ReplyDelete