doldrums

i have some serious blahs going on lately.

the 3rd tri sleepies are a contributing factor, as is my stupid ankle, which is keeping me from doing fun things like taking the guys to the park or starting my garden, but mostly i've just settled into a funk of blah-ness & can't snap out of it. i just can't work up enough enthusiam over anything to get excited about anything. even the pending arrival of #3 in a few weeks isn't enough to light a fire under me. honestly, i'm kind of thinking "eh, another baby".... the excitement of a few weeks ago is fading, & now i'm mostly thinking how much recovery from another c-sec will suck, & about how my workload is about to explode with newborn "fun." i know, i know, i am a rotten, rotten woman for feeling that way. don't think i don't feel guilty about it, i do. but even that isn't enough to shake some sense into me.

i had a check on 3 yesterday, & bc i had no real concerns or problems, the u/s was so quick (doc was running WAY behind) that i barely got a peek at the top of 3's head. i had kind of been looking forward to a real look at the baby again in hopes that seeing 3 would make me feel excited again. now i don't have another look for 3 more weeks, & i feel kind of detached from the baby inside me. (insert comment about how i'm a horrible person & awful mom.)

i seriously doubt that i'll be able to maintain this level of apathy in the face of a living, breathing person. i do LOVE babies afterall, especially my own, so i'm counting on some excitement returning as we get closer to d-day, but for now i just feel beyond lame. i think maybe i'll go baby shopping & pick up something specially for 3 (not that we *need* anything, but baby shopping is always fun) & maybe that will drum up some enthusiasm.

oh wait... i'm staying off my ankle. nevermind. blah.