Emma's Lovey

Emmie has fallen in love with my pink flannel night gown. as soon as she sees it, she does the "linus" (thumb in mouth & everything) & snuggles up. it is the ONLY way she will sleep without me present.
Figures she falls for my favorite nightgown, despite the fact that we have scads of nice soft, fuzzy things she could have chosen. but noooooo. she wants a giant pink nightgown. sigh.
i'm debating letting her keep it as her lovey, or making an attempt to get her hooked on something else. I'm thinking that bc it's the nightgown she's grown up with mama wearing while she nurses & get cuddled to sleep, maybe if i pick a toy & have it present at all nursing sessions & then sleep with it for a while, she *might* consider making the switch. once she's made up her mind though, she's such a constant little thing, i'm not sure she'll consider anything else.

kids are so funny about their loveys... val is still attached to his "bun bun" (a grey bunny my mom bought at a gas station somewhere. we'll never be able to find another one, so i guard that thing like it's one of my children!) & conrad has adopted 2 stuffed rats we found at ikea. yup, i said rats. & we have to carry BOTH ratties, one alone just won't do. then there's em & her nightgown. :P

i guess i shouldn't complain. after all MY lovey when i was little was a purple 2 headed rubber dragon. it has vicious red eyes & is really pretty creepy looking. but i loved it, named her gloria & carried her everywhere for years. actually, gloria STILL lives us. i've taken her to every place i've lived, & she is currently residing on top of our fridge. so i suppose if em wants a nightgown, & conrad loves rats, who am i to complain, right?

a boring crafty post

here's one of my recent projects. it's been lurking in my closet for weeks now, & i finally found an hour ot put it all together this week. it's a felt board for the dudes. i cut out a bunch of shapes in different colors, & we made some weather pieces as well (a sunshine, clouds, rain, etc.) i have plans to do letters next, but for now we're sticking with shapes, colors & weather. the guys LOVE it, which makes me ridiculously happy. i always worry when i spend time putting stuff like this together that they'll end up hating it, but this one was a hit. the hope is that it will help inspire some real words, instead of just twin-speak. (or at least help teach them shapes & stuff.)
next up-- finish the felt food in time for the boys' birthday in a couple weeks.

& in between times, i have to finish binding val's quilt.... i'm really *almost* done with it, & as boring as binding is, i'm also really excited to finish it & start conrad's.

yeah, i know, this was totally lame. my apologies to any one who bothered to read it. i promise to be less crafty next time. :)

update on val

we heard from the neurologist yesterday, & the ambulatory EEG was normal. we never did catch an episode on the EEG or tape, but the doc said that most times, when a child has seizures, something abnormal will show up between times. he's still inclined to call it shuddering attacks, but wouldn't definetively rule out seizures, although he doesn't want to do further testing at this time. he's on the old side for shuddering attacks, but because the EEG was normal, he still thinks that is the answer. so for now, we watch & wait, & if it gets worse, or isn't gone by the time he's 3, we'll revisit it then.

i'm not 100% satisfied, but no news is good news, i guess.....

what a life :)

N's schedule has changed for the current shift bid, so he's now working 5-1, monday thru friday, & today was his first day on the new schedule.
he came home just as i was finishing getting the kids down for a nap, we spent a pleasant hour all by ourselves, & the man is now mopping the kitchen while i sit on the couch cuddling digger the cat.
i could get used to this!!

who needs sleep?

i am spending saturday night home alone with the baby who wouldn't sleep. this kid seems to need less sleep than i do. (heaves sigh.)

this isn't the horrible, frantic sleep deprivation you get with a newborn. it's more subtle. the days & weeks & months of fractured sleep are slowly building into a state of permanant tired. i cannot remember the last time i felt really rested. i can cope (almost cheerfully) most days, but there are signs that the constant state of sleepy is turning into a major brain fog. i am beginning to believe myself to be both bored & boring, which (for me) is a sure sign i need some rest.

just one good night of real, solid sleep & i could happily go back to the grind for another few months. come on, baby... cut mama a break!

4's a crowd?

N remains on the fence about having another baby, & i'm doing my best to examine whether i could be truly content with 3. it bounces around my mind daily... could i be "done"? AM i "done"?
i'm trying to give up the idea of 4, but it won't leave me be. it's always there, lurking in the wings, popping up when i don't expect it & calling to me with all the lure of a newborn baby.

i'm not ready for 4 now, by any stretch, & i feel i owe it to N & the 3 kids we already have to look closely at WHY i feel called to have another baby. i want a big family. growing up, my family of 4 was lonely & fragmented. i was always jealous of my cousins who had big, boisterous families. i always wanted more siblings than i have, & i want to give my kids the family i wish i had. i honestly think that's the biggest reason behind my want, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't also want it for myself. i want a pregnancy that brings joy, not fear (twins) or frustration (unexpectedly expecting). i love squishy newborns, & i'm just not ready to be done with having a baby in the house.

i'm trying, i really am, to get over the idea, but whenever i try to talk myself out of it, i end up wanting 4 more than ever...

a quick update

val's bloodwork & initial EEG were normal (thank God!!) we had the consult with the neurologist, who thinks it's something called shuddering attacks. it's pretty common in toddlers, & totally harmless & kids grow out of it with no harm done. shuddering attacks mimic absence seizures exactly (which is what the pediatrician & i thought it was) except that the child does not lose consciouness during an attack & will have a normal EEG during an attack. so although we think it's just shuddering attacks the only way to definitively rule out seizures is to do a 48 hour EEG & catch him having an attack. monday, we go in to get him hooked up (20 electrodes all over his head, that get attched to a backpack he wears, & then the whole ensemble gets wrapped up like a turban to (hopefully) keep him from pulling it all off.) we go back in tuesday to have whatever he's pulled off monday reattached, & he gets it off for good on wednesday. one of us will have to be pretty much joined at the hip with val the entire time, to keep him (& conrad) from destroying the EEG contraption. we'll even have to sleep with him. so while i'm sure the test will be a huge pain in the butt, i'm even more sure that we need to do it bc i will not rest easy until we can say with certainty that it's only shuddering attacks & nothing more.

the boys are now starting to throw things at me, so my computer time is coming to an end, but i wanted to update while i had the chance. thanks for all the good wishes! please keep them coming & i'll keep you all posted. :)