Saturday, March 27, 2010

hook ups

would you ever set up a friend with a friend? have you? how did it go?

we (N & i) have done it on rare occasions. once at (my) friend's request. (total bust... altho he is a nice guy, there was just no way in h*ll it would ever have worked. they were too different & we knew it, but bowed to the request anyways.) once at N's friend's request (also a total bust. i was hoping this super nice guy could persuade a dear friend of mine, but a dater of losers, that nice guys were worth her time, but no such luck.)
anyways, after those 2 experiences, we've been a bit hesitant to try our luck again, but N came home last week with a request to set up my best friend with a (new) buddy of his, & after lots of research, (facebook, extensive questioning & a phone interview), i acquiessed. they seem to be getting along, & have set up a "hang out" at our house tonight to watch the fights with N & me. (its a UFC bout-- as a side note, it's a really awesome fight card with my fav fighter in the title bout & i'm a bit bummed to think i may fall asleep half way thru. darn 3rd tri sleepiness!!!)
i don't mind doing set-ups, but i always feel responsible for the parties involved, whether or not i should. i try to remain relatively uninvolved, but the control freak in me insists on checking up on everyone to make sure no one's acting like a big jerk. i honeslty am pry as anxious as the two of them about their little hang out session at our place tonight, & i've been happily married for years now... gah.
set-ups stress me out, & i think they just get more stressful as we all get older. there somehow seems to be so much more pressure on my single friends now that we're all in the 30ish range than there was 5 years ago. it's like everyone holds their breath at every first date, wondering "is this it? is this the one?" & it's enough to make you pull your hair out. plus, the older we get, the more baggage we all accumulate (ex's, divorces, kids, jobs, property, etc....) & you have to figure out if their baggage is compatible with yours, or if its even something you feel like peeking into. both of the two i mentioned above, asked us what was wrong with the other one. bc apparently being over 3o & single means there's something wrong with you? i don't really get that part. i think they're both pretty cool people, who just had some crap luck in past relationships. but then again they're the ones currently in the dating pool, so maybe they know something us boring married folks don't?
it all just seems so complicated, it seriously makes my head spin, & i'm not even the one dating!!!! sigh...

3 comments:

  1. Mine and T's best friends hooked up (not by our doing!). They kept it a secret for several weeks and told us only when they were ready to move in with each other. They each had 2 kids from previous relationships, and were both a little crazy (in their own ways). T and I did not think it was a good idea for them to date, we were not very supportive of it.
    Their new relationship changed the dynamic of all of our friendships. I could no longer confide in my best friend because it was only natural for her to tell her significant other and the same was true for T. This led to our friendships drifting and eventually to us "breaking up" with them. We had to cut all ties to them. They brought too much drama into our relationship which started to affect mine and T's life.
    They are married now, but from what I recently heard, are living apart due to infadelity (hers)...
    I very much miss my best friend, never had one like her before or after. But the person she became once she entered that relationship was not the person I wanted in my life.
    So I guess you could say I have not had a good experience with friends hooking up...

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  2. YAY storytime!! I'm the proud owner of 2 successful hook-ups! This could get long...

    First set-up was my two best friends. VERY stressful. I had worked with K (girl) for about a year, we just moved in together and we got along great. My friend T (boy) was stuck in a rut. (We met freshman year in college, and amazingly never hooked up.) T was a pot smoking college drop out who worked in a pizza shop. K was very focused on her career. She was in the middle of her Master's and had plans to get her Ph.D, and eventually become a Reverend. Just hearing about T made her not want to date him. T and some of his friends decided to move to Buffalo. SO the 3 of us hung out a lot and T grew on K. T knew he liked K right away. K was fighting feelings because he wasn't her type. After a few months of the 3 of us hanging out, we all went out one night, walked back to our place and they each cornered me without knowing what the other was up to to tell me they were falling for the other, but were worried abotu what the other thought, and what if it didn't work out, blah blah. I assured them everything was fine, and decided to take K's dog for a drunk walk. Real smart. Anyhoo, they've been married almost 4 years now, and I was the maid of honor. T fought hard to get me to be the best man, but K wanted me in the dress, so she won :) They had their photographer take some picks of the 2 of them fighting over me which came out pretty cute.

    The other hook-up is my uncle and one of my close friends. I asked my friend R to be in my wedding. She would be travelling 1600 miles to Buffalo, not knowing anyone but me and hubby, but I knew she'd be fine because she can talk to anyone. I was doing my invitations and wasn't sure if I should give Uncle T (same first name as the T in the first story!) a +1. My mom and I joked that we should set T + R up. She took it more seriously, emailed UT, told him about R (who she had never met, and sent pics to him of her in her bridesmaid dress without my or R's knowing) and he agreed to hang out with her to get her away from my crazy family. (Very comical the night he came to my parents house to pick her up. There were about 30 people over and as soon as he walked in the door you could hear a pin drop). So they hit it off on that first "date", met us out later at the bar on my parents corner. They hung out at the rehearsal and dinner, and then the wedding. He spent the night in her hotel room (nothing happened) the night of my wedding. Side note - the next morning was pretty funny waking up with hubby, realizing we had no vehicle. I looked out the window and spotted my dad's car. His baby brother had to borrow it so he could spend the night with R! HAHA!! SO we hitched a ride with them back to my parents house. They were long distance for a while. He lived in Boston, she in Austin. THey travelled a few times a year for a few years to see eachother. He eventually moved to AZ, and a year later, I drove out there with her to move her there. He proposed about a week later :) Still no wedding planned yet though.

    I have retired from matchmaking though. UT + R has been a stressful one!

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  3. I have set up a few friends.

    My best friend from jr high, with my best friend from high school. It was very rocky at first, but they are (last I heard) married with a few little ones running around. Of course she will not allow him to speak to me *shrugs* so I haven't touched bases in years.

    Then I had a friend of a friend, and my best friends brother, hooked them up, it lasted awhile. She found me on facebook not long ago, and she is with someone else. I am not sure what happened with them.

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