It occurred to me while I was out getting a gift for my mom today that Sunday will be my first mother's day. I still kinda forget sometimes that a new identity for me is "mom". I still feel like the old me... "mom" still seems like it should be some one much older & wiser & more together than me-- I feel a bit like an impostor. Flying by the seat of my pants & hoping I'm not screwing things up too much. Anyways, N doesn't make much fuss over holidays, & I told him I just wanted to plant my garden for mother's day, so I doubt it will be a big deal, but it's kinda cool all the same. I wanted to be a mom for so long, I still have to remind myself sometimes that this is really my life-- I really am a mom of two little boys. (Anyone else think "mother of two" makes me sound kinda old? hehehe... N called me a mom of 2 the other day & it just sounded way too "grown up" to be me!)
I think the first time I really felt like a mom, (not in the surreal "whoa, i just gave birth" kind of way) was when Val was having an ultrasound done on his back in the NICU. He was so miserable & upset, & I was so furious at the ultrasound tech for making my baby so cold & taking so d***n long. It actually still kind of upsets me now. I swooped in as soon as she was done & cleaned him up & stood next to his isolette for ages with my hands on his little head & butt because every time I went to leave he started crying. That was my first "mom moment". For anyone who feels like sharing, when was the first time you felt like a mom?
Well I don't know if it was the first...but when Noah got his shots at 2 months I definitely had a "mom moment". He cried so loud and I started crying just because I knew it hurt him. I felt so silly, but I couldn't help it.
ReplyDeletemy mom was a mom of 2 at 21 years old!!! And she was a mom of 5 by 28.
ReplyDeletewhen i had to let them take B at birth and I couldn't go to him cause I was so sick..I felt like a horrible mom..but that was my first "mom" moment..so instead I sent DH..who had to threaten a DR just to be able to see him...I was so proud of DH..I think that was his first "DAD" moment(mind you we were 20 and 22 respectively) Now I feel OLD..I feel like the mom of 100 sometimes...29 and about to be Mom of 6 still seems so odd to me tho so I know what you mean!
ReplyDeleteMy first mom moment is kinda similar to yours. Ciara suffered a fractured clavicle at birth; we brought her home on a Friday and had to take her for follow-up x-rays on the following Monday.
ReplyDeleteThe x-ray tech was wonderful, but there was simply no way to do the procedure easily or painlessly. They stripped my daughter down to her diaper, laid her on a cold metal table, and my husband and I had to force her arms over her head in what we knew was a horribly painful position for her. They needed to see if the break was affecting certain nerves... again, I really do understand the necessity of the procedure. But oh god, hearing my baby scream in fear in pain while Kel and I were, in effect, the ones hurting her... it was beyond anything I'd ever known.
Even now as I retell the story I get a lump in my throat. It was the first time I got the whole connection of sometimes having to watch your children suffer for some "greater good". There's no doubt that it's harder for the parent!!!
OK, reliving that moment I now want a big ol' glass of merlot, LOL!
I really didn't feel like a put together mom until my daughter was about a year :)
ReplyDeletemy first mom moment was when my Dh and i moved from CA to WI and our dd was just 6 wks old. my dh's family was there (he's the younges.t of six kids) and my dd would cry when anyone but my dh or i held her. it was so sweet.
I have those 'mom' moments a lot! I can't remember the first, but at every milestone I have one of those 'holy cow, I am really a mom' moments. One that I remember recently was getting her school supply list for preschool. I still remember shopping for my school supplies!! Also, getting the request to chaperone her upcoming field trip, I dont feel old enough to chaperone anything!
ReplyDeleteI'd have to say my first mom moment with DS (#1) was when he was 2 weeks old. Yup, 2 weeks was when it really hit me! We were at a wedding and EVERYONE got to see us as a family! There were statements left and right about "my son" "my family" "I'm a mom" and so on!
ReplyDeleteWith DD (#2), I'd have to say, my NICU experience made it hit a lot sooner as the worry was so intense and I had that pure terror for my baby girl! That's when I felt like a mom!
When saying that though, I did have a little scare with DS, so that was emotionally more mom feeling and that was my first full day in the hospital after having him...but I'd say the wedding was when it REALLY hit!
Still though, I find it hard to believe that "I" have a 2 year old and a 2 month old! Who? Me?!?!!?
Shelley