Tuesday, May 19, 2009

just one...

let me preface this by saying i would NEVER give up one of my boys or wish we had anything other than our prefect twin babies. i mean that with my whole heart, & love my kids more than i can say.

but as i run myself ragged around the clock, i occasionally find myself thinking almost nostalgically about the lost possibility of having just one baby at a time. my boys will never be an "only", never have both mom & dad's full & undivided attention, never have to not share. n & I will always be that much more tired & distracted.

i know there can also be great compensation for being a twin & having twins, & its the positives that we focus on our day to day lives, but i can't help but dwell on the differences between our experience as new parents & that of friends who had only one baby. what if we had had only one? would i still have fought preterm labor & preeclampsia? could i gave kept them from the NICU?

i know "fair" has very little to do with life, but i cant help but think that its somehow unfair that our boys will always have to share everything in way distinct from siblings who aren't twins. siblings at least have their own birthday, their own role in the family. i know the guys will figure it out, & we will of course encourage them to be individuals, but i don't think you can ever fully escape being a twin. & hopefully they wont want to, but all the same, i cant escape the "what ifs".

& then i see them cuddled together, or staring so intently at each other that you feel like an intruder just watching them, & i'm reminded how very special it could be to have that kind of bond with someone. for better or worse, they'll always have each other!

2 comments:

  1. I know this probably won't help and I'm not usually "positive polly" but, they won't know any different. And I have to play the "at least" game. "At least" they will have eachother to keep themselves occupied. I've heard that from moms of multiples and moms of kiddo's close together in age. I've often thought about how much harder it is to keep 2 babies happy at the same time, or even how in the world people deal with pregnancy with a toddler as well! Kate - you are an awesome mom and N is an awesome dad, which is why you're worrying about this!

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  2. I know this may not ease your worry, your mommy you will always worry.

    My dad was a twin. Him and his brother were third and fourth in a family of six. All the stories I heard growing up was what a close bond they had. I never heard either one hint that they wish they were a singleton. It really was awesome to watch the bond they had. I remember so many times watching the two, it was as you said like your and intruder in their own secret.

    That said I don't think Val or Con will miss out on anything.

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