Sex After Babies

For those of you don't want to hear about my sex life, quit reading now. For the rest of you, sorry guys, but I have to vent!

For those who don't know, I was on pelvic rest basically my entire pregnancy with the guys, at first due to baby A's (now known as Val) placenta being over my cervix, & later due to the preterm labor scare. & then there was the 6 week wait post c-section. Since then, we manage to get it on maybe once a week. N is feeling deprived, since prior to the pregnancy, we were an every day couple. He's been fairly patient, but I know he's frustrated, & in turn I'm getting frustrated with him for pouting over the lack of sex.

Case in point: Last night, we got the boys to bed early & jumped in bed ourselves for some fun. Of course, as the mommies among you know, as soon as we got in bed, the guys woke up & started crying for food. & there is no way I can focus on sex when my little ones need me, you know? Hungry babies come first, in my mind. So we get up to feed the guys, which ends up being an hour long process bc of Con's reflux attacks & Val's huge appetite. By the time they're back in bed, I am exhausted & sex is the last thing on my mind. (Did I mention I haven't slept more than four hours for the past week? & I mean broken up 4 hours, not a 4 hour stretch. & I let N take a giant 4 hour nap yesterday afternoon bc he was getting super cranky. So yeah, I was (& am) really tired.) N, of course, wants to pick up where we left off, & when I say I have to sleep, he gets all disapointed & pouty. Which leaves me feeling guilty, so I try to explain to him that it's not that I don't want to have sex, it's that I can't be all things to all 3 men in my life at all times right now-- there just aren't enough hours in the day to keep them all happy & still have time to sleep, let alone 2 minutes to myself. I know the "mom" role is taking precedence over the "wife" role right now, & I feel bad about that, but I'm doing the best I can.

I'm on my own for 14 hours a day with the boys when N works, & when he's home, I'm still the one doing laundry, washing bottles, doing the grocery shopping, the cooking, & taking care of the critters at least 80% of the time. I have to prompt him to do baby things (i.e. it's time to change the babies, it's time to feed the babies, play with the babies, whatever.) He is totally willing to hang out with the guys, but he's not very self-motivated. (& then I second guess myself, & think maybe it's just me being all type-A about this stuff. But seriously, if the baby is hungry, you feed him. you don't wait until he's screaming hysterically. seems obvious to me, but maybe it's not.) & yes, N works & I don't, so the majority of the baby care is my "job" & I don't mind doing it, but I feel then he shouldn't be surprised when I'm exhausted at the end of the day & not up for sex.

& finally, (this is about to be TMI, sorry), but sex still hurts for me. It's fun during, but not so fun after. It's nothing permanent & is totally related to me still breastfeeding & the birth control I'm on right now, but still, it sucks. & knowing that I'm going to be really uncomfortable for a good while afterwards does not provide much incentive to get it on frequently.

& N really is (mostly) understanding about all this. Or at least he says the right things, but it's just lip service. I know he's annoyed but just won't say so. I would almsot rather he just b****ed about it like any other guy instead of playing the martyr with me. It's a temporary problem for pete's sake, at some point I will stop breastfeeding, the boys will start sleeping & I can switch birthcontrol pills. But for now, I'd appreciate a bit more understanding & a bit less pouting.

If he was serious about getting more, then an offer to let me nap, or have an hour to myself, or even just initiating some baby care on his own without me prompting him would go a long way towards getting me in bed more often. Honestly, at this point, although it is still fun during & I know it's good for our relationship, sex has become just one more thing I have to do to keep my family happy. It's a job. & I know that really offends N, but at least I'm still willing to have sex, right? Why can't he just take advantage of the fact that I'm willing, without being insulted about how I shouldn't feel "obligated"? Of course, I'm obligated, I'm his wife! If I really didn't want to, I wouldn't.

I know this has turned into a really long rant, but I have one more complaint, & it has nothing to do with N. I know that I should consider myself lucky that my husband still finds me attractive enough to want to have sex with me, despite the fact that my a** has so many stretch marks on it that it looks like a detailed map of Detroit. (Either that, or he's so desperate I could be Medusa & he'd take his chances just to get laid!) But I don't feel attractive. I feel pudgy, & totally tore up from the neck down. Having twins destroys your body if you're short & skinny, & I'm only 2 1/2 mos. post delivery. Don't get me wrong, the boys are absolutely worth it, & I'm sure it will get better with time, but feeling super ugly does NOT inspire one to get naked, you know? Of course, that's my own personal problem & exists just in my own head, but it's still there. N was never one to give alot of compliments, & I never needed them before, but it sure might help to hear some now. Although asking for them jsut seems pathetic, you know?