For those of you who read nancy's blog, geez didn't know wasbng so controversial! (i don't know how to do that fancy name as a link thing, but those of you who read her know who i mean.) Anyways, apparently she got pissed off that I made mothering into a competition. I happen to think this was misinterpretation of my vent, but I re-read it & it's a valid interpretation, & while she's totally entitled to her opinion, I don't want to inadvertently offend any of my buds on here, so here's an explanation & clarification, in case one of you thought this was aimed at you (it wasn't!)
i was venting specifically at an individual i know IRL who forever compares the trials & tribulations of a healthy singleton with every other person she knows with kids. i don't think you should say "oh, i know JUST how you feel" if you don't. i don't know what it's like to have triplets, & i would never pretend to understand the level of work and stress that a mom of triplets feels in her day. i don't know what it's like to bring home a kid on monitors, & i would never assume to know how that feels.
the subject of my original vent compares a bad cold with a NICU stay. she gives me lectures on how i should have just "toughed it out" with breastfeeding. (excuse me, but you feed 2 kids a diet of exclusive breastmilk for 3 months only thru pumping. it sucks & it's hard.) obviously there are many moms who have it much harder than i do. duh. i know that, & hopefully you kids know i'm not in to the whole "i had it worse" competition. what frustrates me is women (like this person) who have the luxury of having a healthy baby to whom they can devote all their time & attention, & they don't even realize how incredibly lucky they are & seem to spend their time looking for ways to make it sound like they have the hardest job in the world.
it's pry kinda neurotic of me to be upset that i pissed off some one i don't actually know, but i guess i'm kinda neurotic. am i out of line? i just think its really obnoxious to compare the "tired" of caring for a 6 week old baby who sleeps thru the night to the "tired" of a mom who cared for a baby born at 27 weeks who came home attached to all kinds of monitors. ( i know this sounds like C... so hopefully kim will get where i'm coming from. we were actually talking about my MIL & SIL, who was born at 27 weeks in circumstances similar to C.) i felt like it was a valid vent. shoot, i still feel like it was valid vent. but maybe i wasn't as clear as i could have been.
anyways, that's that. vents are written out of anger, & i guess they're bound to piss some people off. i would just feel bad if i thought i had inadvertently offended any of my PAL buddies-- you guys have been such an incredible source of support.
Kate, I didn't link back to you on purpose because I didn't want it to turn into some kind of drama. I already replied to you back on my blog and I really want to commend you for not only explaining what you meant, but to re-read your own post and understand how it could have been misinterpreted. I apologize if I upset you in anyway, but I believe you understood where I was coming from you. Wow, I really think you are awesome for explaining yourself. Thanks Kate!
ReplyDeleteI think we all say things that can be taken different. I think everyone gets caught up in the poor me. And at the time of a vent we don't think.
ReplyDeleteI do have to say since I have been on both side a normal baby, a baby who is a shitty sleeper, and a preemie there are HUGE differences. When you have a preemie you don't sleep you are too scared to close your eyes. The NICU scares the shit out of you to the point you fear SIDS 24/7.
BUT on the same note when you have a shitty sleeper your frustrated by the fact they SHOULD be sleeping and they aren't. To have a good sleeper god how I would love to have more than one child that was a good sleeper.