Tuesday, October 6, 2009

i just don't feel pregnant

i posted a similar comment on a board & got alot of well meaning "don't you worry, symptoms don't kick in til 6 weeks" responses, which is nice, but not what i meant. what i meant was that i feel like maybe if i had some physical symptoms, i'd start believing that we're actually expecting our 3rd kid.

i wasn't supposed to be pregnant right now, & i just don't feel it. i don't *think* i'm pregnant. i know that sounds stupid, but you know how when you first saw that BFP, you got all excited & just *knew*? You had all this fear & anxiety & joy? I am just not feeling it. I feel anxious that i might have 3 kids under 2, but more as a theoretical concept, not as a reality. when i saw the 1st positive lines i convinced myself they were evaporation lines. of course that only lasted a day, since it's hard to deny lots of + lines over several days, but that initial sense of denial still hasn't quite left me.

i know i'm acting like a total jerk for feeling anything but overjoyed when there are so many people struggling to get pregnant, & i'm sorry for that. i'm just stuck in a state of suspended animation, waiting for the other shoe to drop. i know i have a dr appt friday, & maybe that will make it sink in.

in admitting all this, please don't think that we don't want this child, or that i'm angry. that's not at all what i mean. i'm just waiting for it all to sink in & become reality instead of the bizzarre, surreal experience that i'm feeling right now.

7 comments:

  1. Oh, I gotcha!

    I just saw your post on PAL and first off...congrats! I've been out of town for almost 2 weeks and didn't get on any computer much...so congrats!

    But, I just posted a don't worry type comment, but I see what you mean now!

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  2. I see where you are coming from and I think it is totally understandable. You already have your hands full with your beautiful boys, and now you are going to add to your family with a third blessing. I believe you are allowed to feel a tad bit overwhelmed!

    You aren't acting like a jerk. Not at all! It will start to sink in - I'm sure your dr. appt will help!

    Take care!

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  3. that's why we have about nine months so it can sink in! you are not a jerk and all your feeling are valid. Enjoy the boys and for now number three is still out of the way growing so you can deal more when it comes closer to edd.
    tddd

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  4. (((hugs))) now that I have an infant of my own, I totally understand. All of you guys with your surprise BFPs so soon have me both excited and scared that it could happen to us. Don't feel guilty about having complex emotions about it!

    Amy (Impossiblewoman, Webmd)

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  5. Hey, I felt that way, the surrealism, at the beginning of my pregnancy with Liam, it was weird...

    I don't think think it's entirely abnormal to feel that way when you first find out you are pregnant.

    I bet Friday will help it sink in a little bit more though...do you have an u/s scheduled, or just a 'check up'?

    And seriously, the longer without symptoms, the better (imo). you don't want to be down and out with the extreme pregnancy fatigue and m/s when youa re already running about chasing the dudes!

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  6. Like I said on the boards...I still don't feel pregnant! I am big, have all the pains and feel big kicks yet it just doesn't feel the same. I honestly think it is just because I have a kid at home to occupy my time and thoughts. While pregnant with Noah all I thought about was being pregnant. And this time...I just have too much going on outside the womb to worry about.

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  7. its an u/s on fri... my doc is good about pretty much always planning one for us, & they wanted to measure things to try to date the pg since my cycles have been so irregular.

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