Feeling Human

for once! :)

We just got back from the guy's doc appt, & good news-- they each gained a TON this past week! At least 2oz per day per boy! So Val is now 6lb12.5oz & Con 7lb1/2oz. They're doing really well, so I got an ok to increase the breastfeeding sessions to 2 a day (we can supplement with formula or EBM (expressed breastmilk) as needed of course), & we can start doing some normal newborn things like tummy time, etc. N gave in & we now have bouncers that are newborn appropriate & they are AWESOME. Both guys are hanging out in them now, & it is fabulous-- no one is puking, N & I both have our hands free, it's really, really, really great. (Did I mention its GREAT?)

We also got an ok to take the guys out to non-people filled venues (like a walk around the neighborhood.) Still not up to grocery stores etc, but I'll take a short trip outside-- just being able to leave the house sounds like heaven, so I'm pretty happy with that.

N & I had a good talk this morning, & he agreed to take off til 1 week past their due date (which is all I wanted originally, so I'm happy.) That way, hopefully my mom will be healthy again & can help, I can have a trial run being "on my own" at night while N is still here & available to help, & I think that will help me feel a little more confident, although I'm sure I'll still totally freak out a ton more between now & then. (yay for postpartum hormones & lack of sleep induced insanity!)

N finally 'fessed up on why he's been acting so oddly. Basically, while we're thrilled to finally be parents, having 2 little people consuming all of your time & resources (financial, emotional & otherwise) really highlights all the things you haven't done yet in your life. It's like he's having a "midlife crisis" at 30. Which is ok. I can understand that, I just need him to share those thoughts with me, otherwise I start thinking he resents me & the guys (which is totally where my mind has been headed lately) & then I start to resent him for daring to be frustrated. (bc let's be honest, no matter how amazing & helpful dad is, mom is the one who really gets the sh*t end of the stick when caring for newborns. it's just how it is, by virtue of having boobs & mommy-brain.*)

so that's where we are today. it's better place. still sleep deprived & scary, but more in control & optimistic. once again, the guys are fussing... must be time to eat!

*mommy-brain= the inability to focus on anything but your baby's cries when said baby is wailing for any reason.

N & the Con-man

Val in his bouncer (yay!)