Before you comment on this one, I have to say that yes, I KNOW this will improve. I KNOW that things could be far worse, & I KNOW that this is "normal" for preemies. Rationally, I know all of that kind of stuff, & I would NEVER rush my boys-- we only want what's best for them. That said, the part of me that is winning at this moment is the part that is screaming "none of this is fine, or normal-- I want my babies healthy & home with me. Now."
Their periodic breathing is their last hold up. They don't want to send us home on oxygen, as the amount they're getting is so low as to be practically "homeopathic" in the words of one of our docs. But it helps, so they will not be taken off it for a while. They won't do car seat tests or Val's circ until their breathing is mature, so basically we're in NICU limbo. No one has any idea how long it will take them to figure out how to breathe, & bc the way their periodic breathing is presenting is so unusual, everyone seems to have slightly different opinions. Their x-rays are all clear, they can't find any physical problems & the general consensus seems to be that they need more time & caffiene won't help in this situation. So we wait. & wait. & wait. This is pretty much their last hurdle at this point. N & I are just frustrated & missing our boys.
I know some of you have been through far worse, & I apologize for complaining about this... but I'm worried, & stressed & firstrated & need to vent. Sigh....
You have every right to be stressed, and frustrated. It sucks when you can see an end in sight and you hit a "brick wall".
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why they will not send them home on o2. C takes far less o2 (1/16 of a liter), then what you have mentioned, and they sent him home on it with no hesitation. *shrugs*
There is absolutely NO need for apologies. And just because this is "normal" or to be expected with preemies, it doesn't make it any less frustrating or unfair. I wish I had a magic wand I could wave and make all this a non-issue, and get those boys home. In lieu of that, I offer a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, NO more apologizing!!! I don't know anyone with a better reason to vent!! You have two of the most adorable boys in the world and you can't take them home and cuddle with them all day long yet. That is more frustrating than words can describe.
ReplyDeleteI mean seriously!?! A woman who I believe should be up for some kind of "SUPER MOM OF THE YEAR" award for her strength and outlook...is apologizing because her heart aches for her children??? Because SHE wants to be the only one that keeps them safe and warm--not dr's or O2 or heat lamps??? No, that is what makes you such a great MOTHER--don't apologize for needing to get off of your chest how hard it is to love someone(s) with everything that you are but feel like you are helpless.
You are a HERO to your boys and to N (ask him...really), although I know you can't always see it and don't always know it inside.
We are hear to listen to you vent anytime you need--no apologies necessary.
Allison (PAL)
Wow, NICU limbo has to suck. I am keeping you all in my thoughts! I sure hope something gets figured out soon so those beautiful boys can get home!!
ReplyDelete{{{HUGS}}} and patience vibes for you. It will get better! I can understand your frustration. Don't apologize for venting!!
ReplyDeleteJennybop
(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteYeah,((hugs))..I wish I could do more..I know it sucks..but do NOT apologize for feeling what you feel.
ReplyDeleteHugs and prayers to mommy, daddy, and boys. Like the others said, please dont't apologize for talking and venting. As the mommy, you have the right to feel and vent about it all. Just because it's "normal" or "expected", does not mean it's easy to go through it.
ReplyDeleteShelley